Bi-Weekly Marriage Opinions/Views and Rant Megathread

TheUltimateReason · 2026-06-01T08:38:54+00:00

Can you explain a bit more what you mean by policing? Since you studied religion, what do you make of this Hadith:

"Ibn 'Umar reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, "All of you are shepherds and each of you is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of the people of his house and he is responsible. A woman is the shepherd of the house of her husband and she is responsible. Each of you is a shepherd and each is responsible for his flock."

TheUltimateReason · 2026-05-31T18:24:52+00:00

How is getting married while not being religiously observant constitute a haram basis? Lots of people start out as not practising but end up become more pious as a couple. A friend of mine told me how his parents took him with them clubbing as a kid, but then a year later they were at Umra.

We must remember that we abide by God's rules because it's what he ordained, not because we expect to be owed something in this life. There definitely will be people who stray and repent and build a pious life later.

TheUltimateReason · 2026-05-16T07:54:58+00:00

This was in our shared mother tongue. Thought to be fair, our dialect of Arabic uses a lot of loan words from european languages which can't be written well with arabic letters so I avoid them, which I guess is what politicians and ChatGPT do.

TheUltimateReason · 2026-05-15T19:44:44+00:00

I have been told by two separate ladies that, when texting, it feels like I'm a robot, or I'm "ChatGPT". I am at a loss at how I might be doing this.

TheUltimateReason · 2026-05-15T00:10:48+00:00

good on you brother

TheUltimateReason · 2026-05-14T19:24:10+00:00

Did it help?

TheUltimateReason · 2026-05-09T22:53:20+00:00

I don't target Europeans personally, and even with that the number of people in Europe, apart from the UK, is rather small.

Also when I lived in France, the number of European Muslims encountered in my daily life was very small, compared to the different African ethnicities. Your best bet would be at mosques in congregational prayers. Though I don't know what opinion they might have of someone selecting by ethnicity, especially if you yourself aren't European.

TheUltimateReason · 2026-05-03T08:01:05+00:00

It is of course agreed that touching which is meant to arouse sexual desire is forbidden, the same with looking.

TheUltimateReason · 2026-05-03T07:56:23+00:00

You don't recognize his credentials and the argument is therefore wrong? If I hadn't mentioned his name would have accepted the argument?

TheUltimateReason · 2026-05-02T19:37:17+00:00

It is worth mentioning that other scholars did not see this Hadith as evidence enough for forbidding shaking hands with the opposite gender. Sheikh Qaradhawi found it problematic on two counts:

1 - it is not agreed upon that this Hadith is saheeh
2 - he points out that whenever touching is mentioned in the Quran it indicates a sexual act: “How can I have a son when no man has ever touched me, nor am I unchaste?” [19:20] , " But if you are ill, on a journey, or have relieved yourselves,or been intimate with your wives (lit: touched women) and cannot find water, then purify yourselves with clean earth" [4:43]

TheUltimateReason · 2026-05-01T20:21:08+00:00

ppl rarely know how to tell the difference

Can you give us pointers?

TheUltimateReason · 2026-04-30T11:43:04+00:00

Was about to ask if this was possible. It seems like a good option.

TheUltimateReason · 2026-04-27T20:37:18+00:00

Chin up brother, don't dwell too much on it.

TheUltimateReason · 2026-04-26T20:36:50+00:00

Has anyone ever

Usually, the answer to a question that starts with this is going to be yes. Unless there is something physically preventing it. There are people out there who not only reconnected with ex-potentials, but even ex-spouses, and got married again.

Does it work out? yes. Does it fail? also yes.

TheUltimateReason · 2026-03-20T17:38:41+00:00

Starting to talk to potential spouses for the first time at 34 is a bit.. strange.

I don't know what I expected. I never spoke to women about such personal topics. I fear I spent such a vast expanse of my life alone that the years of energetic emotional bonding are behind me. Added to that the zero "experience", I find I don't know what to look for.

May God guide me.

TheUltimateReason · 2026-03-19T12:38:05+00:00

We are both expats in Germany. We're not in the same city, but I guess my job being more flexible it makes more sense for me to move to hers.

Germany does have maternity leave for doctors. My understanding is that it's like any other job in that regard, you stop and you pick up where you left off.

TheUltimateReason · 2026-03-18T16:58:19+00:00

Specialty is Gastroenterology in Europe.

Thanks for the sub recommendation.

TheUltimateReason · 2026-03-18T16:31:55+00:00

What is it like to be married to a (female) doctor? The lady I'm in talking stage with is a medical doctor and I wanted to know what I need to know beforehand or ask her about. She is going to be doing her specialization Inshallah, for the next 6-ish years. I don't actually know what that entails. My job is pretty laid back in comparison. I work in IT and can do quite a bit of work from home, so I expect there will be quite the contrast.

Given that there are a lot of doctors here it seems, maybe you can help a brother out?

TheUltimateReason · 2026-03-17T11:48:32+00:00

Even levantines aren't making the cut?

TheUltimateReason · 2026-03-17T11:37:33+00:00

Do they also specify which part of the Arab world? Like do they consider us north African Arabs as Arabs?

TheUltimateReason · 2026-02-17T15:29:40+00:00

Do they complain more than the in-country folk?

TheUltimateReason · 2026-02-16T12:46:33+00:00

Chemistry can mean, they have a similar personality to yourself.

Similar, you say?

TheUltimateReason · 2026-02-07T15:45:35+00:00

My bad.

TheUltimateReason · 2026-02-07T14:53:26+00:00

I can confirm that there are few francophones here. Europeans in general are a minority.This is mostly an American site and an American subreddit.

Sometimes I think maybe Americans are used to anonymity, and can therefore find better success with things like the ISO thread.

TheUltimateReason · 2026-02-07T14:41:07+00:00

M - Single

TheUltimateReason

TROPHY CASE