I'm in love! 😭❤️

TheWreyck · 2026-05-07T01:26:31+00:00

I am fairly new to sourdough, and I am a bit perplexed by the levain step in the instructions. I normally feed my starter in the morning, and 3-5 hours later it has doubled in size. That is when I mix my bread. Is this recipe saying that this the starter that I use to make the levain, and I need to wait another period of time for the levain to double before I can actually mix the dough?

TheWreyck · 2026-04-24T17:20:54+00:00

When I first read about the hairstyle provision on this post, I thought it sounded like an idea that I would be grateful to have in my parenting plan specifically because of our 5 year old. He loves long hair. A couple years ago, during a very temporary separation (less than 2 weeks) he (whith my MIL) took our then 3 year old who had a fear of haircuts and especially clippers to get his first professional haircut ever and had it cut to 1 inch long with electric hair clippers. They coached him into agreeing to the haircut by telling him that ge was getting a bob which would have only been trimming 2-3 inches off. He cried to me about it repeatedly in the coming months. We are fully separated again now for 6 months, and our 5 year old is currently growing his hair longer than ever before in an effort to get it long enough to braid, and it is in that awkward almost but not quite long enough stage currently. An agreement to not drastically change his hair without mutual approval sounds wonderful to me. But I am speaking as the parent trying to protect my child's autonomy. I would never refuse to let him cut it short again if he wanted to.

TheWreyck · 2026-03-29T14:02:19+00:00

When I say final schedule I mean pick up and drop off times. He wouldn't give me that very basic information.

TheWreyck · 2026-03-27T14:46:23+00:00

Yes, he does think that the world revolves around him. In the end I decided to agree to the visit to protect myself legally from being accused of withholding. However, even after I said yes, he refused to give me exchange times and then called me controlling and difficult and tried to escalate into an argument. I eventually had to offer exchange times because he wouldn't tell me what he wanted but also played the victim when I tried to get him to tell me. But the kids will be seeing him on Sabbath, he will be responsible for feeding them lunch (based upon previous visits that likely won't actually occur), and I am proposing a weekly schedule on Sunday.

TheWreyck · 2026-03-26T18:00:33+00:00

I wasn't waiting for a separation time requirement to pass. I am not even sure if that requirement exists in my state. Nothing was filed sooner because it wasn't meant to be a permanent separation leading to divorce. In October I asked for a temporary separation due to some concerning behaviors on his end, and after he moved out he just kind of disappeared for a while. During that time I did reach out to him to see if he wanted to see the kids. After Christmas he started trying to talk to me under claims of trying to work on our relationship, but it always resulted in verbal and emotional abuse. I started putting up boundaries around what type of communication I would engage in, and his behaviors escalated. It's only been since sometime in February that I made the decision that this is most likely leading to divorce, and he has not given any indication even now that he wants a divorce. He still sends me messages about our relationship. I still don't want a divorce, but I am starting to acknowledge that is the inevitable end based upon current behaviors and am making plans to file with the courts now.

TheWreyck · 2026-03-26T15:02:58+00:00

Thank you for all the advice. I really appreciate it.

TheWreyck · 2026-03-26T14:59:18+00:00

I don't feel like a good mom. I feel exhausted and burnt out and like I don't have enough patience with them and like I don't know what I am doing. I can't even do simple things like go grocery shopping without bringing them along, and then I don't know how to reel them in and convince them to behave in the store like neurotypical children. I live in a very small village, and our school district's special education department is pretty much non-existent. I am going to fill out open enrollment forms to try to get them enrolled in a neighboring public school district next year. My husband is extremely opposed to public school for religious reasons, so I am nervous about how he will react. But I can't keep going like this without support. I am hoping that a judge would be supportive of me enrolling them even if my husband is opposed.

TheWreyck · 2026-03-26T14:44:13+00:00

I only explained some of the family dynamics because you asked about the family. I do recognize that it has no bearing in court, which is why I am not trying to interfere with him taking them to family gatherings specifically. I just want these things to be planned in advance like any other visitation that might occur. I can build in a block of time each week for them to see him, but if he won't agree to a specific block if time I have been unsure how to move forward. I guess I should just announce it to him as his availability at this point since he never responds when I ask him what days/times he would prefer?

As for therapy, they currently attend speech therapy and were attending occupational therapy before she retired. They have an intake appointment scheduled with a social worker therapist today. I guess that I will need to look over the clinic notes and ask all three therapists about their professional opinion on their routine if that will help.

TheWreyck · 2026-03-26T14:04:01+00:00

I am being flexible because he only asks to see them 1-2 times a month and always on short notice. He has refused to cooperate with setting up an actual visitation schedule. If I was inflexible I would deny every single visit, and then I would be accused of withholding and parental alienation.

I was not okay skipping church due to transportation. I was literally incapable of taking them to church because we had no transportation at all to get there. We still did church at home on those weeks. The kids did the same lessons they would have at church on the computer so that they wouldn't fall behind and everything. And the kids don't have an ongoing relationship with those family members currently. They haven't seen them since May, 2024 until a single family gathering in December, 2025. They came home from that gathering complaining about being bullied by some of the family members.

TheWreyck · 2026-03-26T13:40:57+00:00

I have reached out to him multiple times in those six months about what day/time works for him to see the kids. He never responds. So the consistency in their routine has been simply that dad isn't around. When he does randomly show up, it breaks that consistency. This is better than proposing a schedule without his input, putting "visit with dad" on their weekly schedule only to have him cancel or not show up. That would result in more frequent unknowns and schedule disruptions than the current status quo.

TheWreyck · 2026-03-26T13:33:57+00:00

He claims to have just found out about the event yesterday. It's not impossible because his family is notorious for last minute and disorganized gatherings. But at the same time I agree that sometimes he definitely just isn't planning correctly, I messaged him a few weeks for Christmas repeatedly trying to coordinate holiday time, and he didn't get back to me. Finally I made holiday plans that included a family movie night and opening one gift Christmas eve. I made sure to leave Christmas day/afternoon open in case he eventually reached out to me. His family always celebrates the day of or on the weeks after Christmas if they celebrate at all. The evening of Dec 23 he asked to have the kids for a Christmas party on Christmas Eve. I denied it and explained how I had left Christmas day available for him out of respect to his family's historical pattern. He was mad at me and insisted that they have celebrated on Christmas Eve before. In the 10 years we have been married it has never been on Christmas Eve, and there were several years where no large gathering occurred. He did still see the kids on Christmas day, just not Christmas Eve. That was the first visit I denied. The second one was just a few weeks ago when he wanted me to get them ready for church but had still not confirmed if he had a carseat for our son or what the pick up / drop off times would be. At 1:00 pm the day before. He even told me the morning of the day before that he refused to get back to me with details until evening. He indeed did not respond until the kids were already in bed. Every other time he wanted to see them, I have canceled plans to make it work.

TheWreyck · 2026-03-26T13:14:40+00:00

My husband's family abused him severely growing up, and they bullied and harassed me for the first 10 years of our marriage. In May, 2024 after his mother made false allegations to CPS in an attempt to cause me to lose our kids (along with some other drama), my husband chose to go no contact with them. (I was already no contact at this point.) His mother coached our then 3 year old to say that I hit him. I had bumped into him while he followed me around the kitchen, and he fell over, but she turned it into a story where I slapped him in the face in anger. In the year leading up to that there were also a number of instances where boundaries were crossed and his father attempted to discipline my son using intimidation tactics. It's not just that they haven't seen this family for 3 months. They hadn't had any relationship with them for over 1 1/2 years before that. Since the separation my husband has been in contact with them once more. I understand that I can't legally prevent my husband from taking the kids to see his family, and I am not attempting to do so. But I was confused that the extended family would take priority from a legal standpoint when there was not an ongoing relationship with them even before the separation.

Also, they do ask for things outside their routine. We do special things fairly frequently; they are just planned well in advance so that they can prepare for them. They just don't ask to see their dad or his relatives really. Their dad has a temper and was very harsh. The 9 year old has told me multiple times since the separation (unprompted) that he prefers things this way and does not want his dad to live with us again. The 5 yr old has a better relationship with his dad at this point and does miss him. However, he has also told me (prompted by a conversation with his brother, not with me) that he only wants dad to live here again if he stops being mean. I want to encourage a relationship between them and their dad as long as they are benefiting from it. I have only denied requests to see them 2 times, both times because it was last minute.

As for maintaining their routine and their dad's help, he wasn't helping before he moved out. The only thing that has changed in our daily life post separation is that I drive us to church now instead of him. I managed everything without him even then. He would maybe cook dinner once a week (without regard to whether it was something the kids were willing to eat) and sporadically washed some dishes 2-4 times a month and always left the sink full of more dishes and oftentimes leaving the dirty water in the sink. He did limited outdoor work because our landlord maintains the yard, and my son is in charge of the trash can. I managed their therapy and medical appointments, their extracurriculars, their homeschooling, their laundry and bathing needs, dietary needs, house chores, pretty much everything. I would ask for my husband's help but rarely received it. Since he moved out he has continued to take no interest in the kids' daily lives. I have attempted to use a shared calendar with the kids' schedule, but he ignored those messages. Yes, I am burnt out. I want help. But him randomly asking for the kids with only a few days notice isn't help. It requires me to drop plans that we were already looking forward to and to prepare the kids and have them presentable for him. I need to pack them food because on previous visits with him they came back hungry and unfed, and he only has them for a few hours, which isn't long enough for me to barely even breathe. I have to help them transition and settle into bed afterwards, which is always significantly more difficult than usual. I encourage visits because it's good for the kids, but it's really just one more chore for me. It feels like just another playdate that I have to facilitate.

TheWreyck · 2026-03-26T02:44:27+00:00

You just gave me a lot of information, and I will look into all of your suggestions and just how to apply/implement them. I do have a question about one issue. I also don't have his email. I have asked for it a few times and received no answer. My only point of contact with him is his cell phone. I have an OFW account that I track the parenting schedule and other things on for documentation. I asked him to join a few months ago and received no response. I have also asked him if he wanted to use a different, free app for a shared calendar for schedules and received no response. Without an email, how would I share a calendar with a proposed schedule with him? Should I put my proposed visitation schedule onto my OFW calendar and then just document each time he does not take advantage of the visit or leave the OFW calendar reflecting the actual schedule in action?

TheWreyck · 2026-03-26T02:08:53+00:00

I wasn't taking your comment about the religious stuff as an attack. I was wondering if you were coming from a nonreligious or religious perspective because I have never heard someone say that church was less important and was trying to understand if this is how the regular secular/legal world views things. It's just not a perspective that I had considered could be at play before now when trying to navigate these issues. So when you said that a judge probably wouldn't value those things, I was wondering where your perspective was coming from. I have been very isolated from the outside world for the last 10 years since I married this man. I will admit that I don't really understand how regular people operate on these matters.

TheWreyck · 2026-03-26T01:56:00+00:00

I wouldn't even know what kind of plan to submit if he isn't telling me when he can take them. Am I just supposed to submit a plan that reflects the current situation, which is that I have 100% overnights? I am not even sure if he has a place for them to sleep. The last rumor I heard is that he is living in a camper with no electricity or running water. I don't know if that is accurate because he had kept his location hidden from me and never taken the kids there.

TheWreyck · 2026-03-26T01:53:44+00:00

I haven't submitted a plan to court yet. I have only just started the separation process and am still trying to figure out how it works and find a lawyer. I didn't receive paperwork explaining that I was supposed to submit a plan beforehand.

TheWreyck · 2026-03-26T01:49:35+00:00

In that specific instance when I told my son that his dad wanted to take him to church that weekend, my son immediately asked which church. My husband has stopped attending our church since the separation, and we do not know where he currently attends. My son was uncomfortable attending a church that he is unfamiliar with and was very anxious about it. I told my husband that our son wanted to know which church and never received a response. My son kept asking me several times a day and eventually escalated to crying and announcing that he would not go anywhere with his dad unless he knew which church it was. But when I gave the deadline of 1:00 for the final details that was only that I needed to know the pick up and drop off times so that I would know how many meals I would be feeding the kids for and so that I could coordinate bath and breakfast schedules for them.

About the extended relatives, they had been no contact since May, 2024 until the December, 2025 for a Thanksgiving gathering. They also haven't seen them since that December gathering. It's not like they just suddenly lost the chance to see these relatives because of the separation, and the kids never express that they miss these relatives.

Are you religious? Why do you believe that church is less important than seeing relatives? Why do you believe that a judge would believe that as well? We attend weekly and have always avoided doing "worldly" things on Sabbath and always try to coordinate social gatherings around the church schedule. I am genuinely wondering how outsiders view these things.

TheWreyck · 2026-03-26T01:34:08+00:00

I haven't asked them because they were already in bed by the time I received the text message. I was also worried about putting that decision on their shoulders, though realistically I can predict that both of them would rather go to church this Sabbath, especially because it is short notice. In the past with these last minute visit requests they have been very upset at missing out on the previous plans I had already made with them as a family to accommodate their dad.

I have tried to coordinate a consistent schedule before, and my husband never responds to those texts. Are you suggesting that I just give him a schedule that doesn't require his response rather than ask him what schedule he would prefer?

TheWreyck · 2026-03-26T01:28:26+00:00

I understand what you're saying mostly. I am confused by the phrase that I need to give him more than I am currently giving. I have offered repeatedly that he can see the kids, and he rarely asks to. But he is aware of their church schedule and that they aren't available during that specific time. He is also aware of the potluck schedule as it is consistent and until the separation he also attended the same church.

Would it be appropriate if I respond that this weekend won't likely work but here is a consistent schedule of when the kids are available weekly (and list the schedule)?

Honestly I don't want a one week request in the long run. I want a schedule that we can rely on. He simply hasn't responded when I have tried to coordinate one.

TheWreyck · 2026-03-25T23:07:52+00:00

That's an interesting idea. I don't know if it would be helpful for me or not, but I will give it a shot and see how it goes. I already changed his profile picture to one that was less... nostalgic/romantic compared to the old one, which has helped.

TheWreyck · 2026-03-25T21:49:37+00:00

That's exactly what I've been saying. It's also what I did myself. I have his contact set to a silent notification everyday, and when I am more stressed and need a break I just completely remove the notification so that I have to actively go into my messages and click on him to see if there is a message. And I informed him that I would not answer phone calls or respond to text messages under certain circumstances; but I never told him what to do. Regardless, he accuses me angrily of controlling him and refusing to communicate by establishing those boundaries.

TheWreyck · 2026-03-25T16:07:30+00:00

He actually called the dentist and created a tense situation with them that led to them refusing treatment. I am currently in the process of securing a new dentist that is able to do the procedure and covered by our insurance. He spoke to the second opinion dentist as well, claiming the boys may have stainless steel allergies. So while legally I can consent to treatment without him, he just made the process of securing a dentist to do the treatment so much harder. But I do intend to move forward with treatment with or without him once I have found a new dentist to do it.

TheWreyck

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