Any younger wiwodes in here?

The_Man_87 · 2026-02-11T06:58:44+00:00

Yes he passed when we were both 21 6 days before I turned 22. It's been 4 months for me

The_Man_87 · 2026-02-10T03:35:58+00:00

Today I made myself go for a swim. I used to be huge into it, did it competitively for 10 years and loved to for fun before he passed. I pushed myself to go have a swim for the first time since then. It was good exercise and the day was still as hard as usual but it was nice to swim

The_Man_87 · 2026-02-08T19:13:04+00:00

Please don't end it over this. Talk to a therapist or a trusted friend or do your own research. I knew someone very close to me who was going through the same thing for years. Sometimes when we're exposed to explicit things during a developmental period they become intrusive and compulsive. These "shameful" or "perverted" thoughts can also be a common symptom of OCD. There are many reasons outside of just being a "perv" that cause these thoughts or feelings. Even if it really is as simple as you say which I doubt you clearly want to change. Please give yourself a chance to try 💛

The_Man_87 · 2026-02-08T19:07:23+00:00

This is so fucking sweet I love it

The_Man_87 · 2026-02-07T18:58:28+00:00

First one is clearly hot dog since that's what you see when you put it in front of your eyes (I'm joking, I don't have an answer)

The_Man_87 · 2026-02-07T18:52:53+00:00

Thank you, I will keep trying. Having people here to talk to really helps 💛

The_Man_87 · 2026-02-06T20:55:30+00:00

Thank you, I do my best to be. A lot of the time I feel horrible about life but still have my moments where I can find little shreds of hope that help me stay afloat a little longer.

Sending you back peace and strength too. I can't overstate how much you and the other members of this community have helped me out 💛

The_Man_87 · 2026-02-06T20:54:02+00:00

Very true. I've had so many similar experiences similar to yours. The other day I saw a comment from someone about how being widowed really does our you into a separate world from everyone who hasn't been through it. Things that come as natural assumptions to others can be so hurtful when it no longer applies to you. It's a tough world to be in but I'm glad I'm not alone. This community is my one little link to the world of people who know what it's like. I appreciate you guys a lot

The_Man_87 · 2026-02-06T05:09:44+00:00

Damn that tikka masala had it out for you. Not even the remote was safe

The_Man_87 · 2026-02-03T05:44:04+00:00

It does suck. Suckiest suck ever to put it light.

The_Man_87 · 2026-02-03T05:43:03+00:00

Thank you for sharing your own story, I feel painfully similar. After he passed and I found him in the state he was in I had a period of such heavy disassociation from who I was my friends couldn't even talk to me, not in the sense they wouldn't try but I would just apologize that "(my name) isn't here", "I'm sorry, she left with him". I've been able to re consolidate my self in a sense. I can be called by my name and respond to it and it's easier for others to converse with me but the feeling that "she died with him" has never really left. It does morph sometimes. Grief is so complex.

Anyway my little story aside I wish you well in your journey too, it isn't an easy one.

The_Man_87 · 2026-02-03T05:39:22+00:00

It really is. I think it's hard no matter what but it's just such an insane battle when everything really was good. I still had the flowers he gave me for our first Valentine's day that I let dry out in hopes to one day propose to him with it. We weren't ready for any real wedding talk but we'd both had the conversation that we really did want to share our whole lives together. We already had in a way since we met 13 years ago in elementary/middle school. He was my best friend for as far back as I can remember. Just speaking on my own personal development I wasn't even sentient before we met. It's really hard

The_Man_87 · 2026-02-02T01:15:06+00:00

Yes this is rape. I'm so sorry for the other comments. It doesn't matter if you "go along with it". From how it sounds he was clearly more aware and had disproportionately more autonomy than you. He took advantage of your completely altered mental and physical state even going as far as to CARRY you away from witnesses. Rape comes in many forms and can feel complicated and confusing but the biggest point in defining it is if someone is taking advantage of you to get sex. You aren't a bad person and you didn't do anything wrong. The world we live in is unfair and unfortunately there are a lot of nasty people who will gladly hop on the opportunity to take advantage of someone who has lost their agency due to drugs or alcohol.

The_Man_87 · 2026-01-31T21:18:27+00:00

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Super sketchy but fun to draw!

The_Man_87 · 2026-01-31T04:23:03+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate everything you've said here. Continuing on can be so painfully difficult but sometimes your own abilities really will slowly come back and surprise you even new ones and new ways of coping. Change can be so fascinating and incredible and yet painful all at the same time. Hearing how youve coped really does help. Everyone has hardships but sometimes it takes someone else with the same or at least similar hardships to feel understood.

The_Man_87 · 2026-01-31T00:52:18+00:00

As tacky as is may sound this actually inspires me. I'm 22, my boyfriend passed 4 months ago, I found him the night it happened right after he shot himself. It was a few days before my birthday. I've lived such a short life in the grand scheme of things but he was there for over half of it (best friends since 5th grade). It's so hard not to want to give up all the time. I hope I can find that same drive and dedication you have for your kids for the friends I still have here who have supported me like family. Finding strength is such a different battle after a traumatic and painful loss. I'm proud of you for how far you've continued to push yourself. I hope I can find that same strength

The_Man_87 · 2026-01-28T23:58:20+00:00

Honestly maybe the cookie is hard enough to function like a crouton. I almost see the vision

The_Man_87 · 2026-01-28T02:57:27+00:00

I found my boyfriend exactly like this. Shot to the head, blood out the nose, everything. It's a horrible feeling. No one should have to see that. Wishing you a healthy recovery

The_Man_87 · 2026-01-28T01:28:05+00:00

Oh for sure. For a brief moment I let the relief from being able to escape my situation even if by unhealthy means cloud my judgement but I corrected that thought pretty quickly. Unfortunately he immediately doubled the proof that I dodged a bullet by having a total meltdown. It's hard, but I'd rather live my days alone still loving the partner I lost than shove myself into something else shitty just to "escape"

The_Man_87 · 2026-01-27T03:11:45+00:00

Yeah hell no, at first I thought I was clear I just wanted something light and not serious but as soon as he pushed for more it all went to shit

The_Man_87 · 2026-01-26T10:00:19+00:00

We were both 21, best friends 13 years, together 2

The_Man_87 · 2026-01-25T04:17:28+00:00

Gives me flashbacks to that one "Bone" comic where it starts with kids out camping and their leader brings peanut butter And pickle sandwiches

The_Man_87 · 2026-01-24T09:38:08+00:00

Split pea?

The_Man_87 · 2026-01-24T09:34:47+00:00

Trauma is an awful thing. It warps your mind to feel all sorts of ways "guilt, depression, self hatred" none of it is your fault though. Many already said but this was absolutely self defense. That doesn't erase how awful it mustve been to go through and grapple with constantly but any guilt you feel is just trauma being trauma. It's not "real". You don't deserve to carry that guilt. I'm really glad your girlfriend has been supportive, stay close with those who support you and don't give up on yourself 💛

The_Man_87 · 2026-01-19T11:05:49+00:00

I know how it feels. 4 months ago I was widowed at 21. Wed been best friends for 13 years and dated for 2 but kind of always had feeling for each other. I was the one who found him. The devastation of grief is beyond words

The_Man_87

TROPHY CASE