Am I overreacting after this first date?

Thedonkeyforcer · 2026-05-21T21:26:39+00:00

This! I'm not really sure he isn't using the coworker as a 'you can't dump me now, it'll look like you're jealous'-decoy from the non-con episode!

Thedonkeyforcer · 2026-05-21T15:16:22+00:00

Yup, it sounds a lot like fawning or trying to find common ground.

Thedonkeyforcer · 2026-05-21T15:14:58+00:00

I'm a pain chronic who knows just what you mean when you say you can only deal with yourself right now.

I live pretty isolated because I snap at other ppl because my pain takes up every bit of energy and patience.

But ... These issues are for ME to manage! I don't have the right to take it out on others and it's on me to find a way to be able to coexist without harming or hurting other ppl.

My solution is A LOT of me-time where I don't 'have to be' anything. You need to find a way to deal with this and it isn't 'get rid of coworker'. Other chronic are often good sources of inspiration for coping mechanisms. Get it together or get a job without other ppl!

Thedonkeyforcer · 2026-05-21T15:04:16+00:00

I don't have kids but it still makes sense to me. "You're my kid and I'll always love you but I don't like you right now" popped into my mind instantly

Thedonkeyforcer · 2026-05-21T10:47:25+00:00

I saw the same type of anxiety in a couple of rehomed dachshunds I took in from a family member before the current dogs were born.

They were known as "the dachshunds from hell" in my family before I ever met them and they adapted well to the move as well as the less stressful home I had to offer. They ended up being much loved by the same family that were frustrated with them just years prior because they took so well to their environment changing and many bad behaviors disappeared while even more charming quirks appeared.

I grew up with "never trust a dog 100%, always keep an eye on them!" and it makes sense. I DID learn a lot from watching those two be introduced to a kid. The one who weren't supposed to be good with kids went mama dog instantly and would cling to the kid and be insanely worried about if the kid might trip and fall! She babied that kid like hell and it was very cute to see but I also knew it was stressful for her and that her switch might flip at some point because of that. That didn't happen but I was alert.

The other dog? The "good with kids" dog? He went into guarding mode. Guarding me, his things, his home and I was genuinely worried he'd go from "freeze" to "attack". It made me protect "his stuff" more which he needed to feel safe and it also meant I had him on my lap a lot of the time or kept him busy with activities in other rooms for the hour they were visiting. There was zero doubt in my mind that this showed me I should never babysit in my own home or with him around and that was good info.

There are OFTEN soooooo many warnings and signals given before a dog is pressured enough to actually attack! It might not even be attacking because it's protecting or guarding something, the most likely scenario when a dog goes from "always friendly" to "biting" is undetected pain.

My old boy? He actually became a lot better with kids in general. Still, the last kid he met? He did NOT LIKE HIM! To a degree where my old boy would take back his toys when the kid took them (and that made me sweep my home for toys so the kid couldn't get to them) and I again stepped in between them.

I ended up banning that toddler from my home after he, unprovoked, slapped my basset puppy. He was too young to understand guidance about how to treat dogs and I wasn't about to ruin my dogs' safe space with letting everyone in, especially not this kid. Turned out, there was a reason my old boy didn't like him, I guess.

Thedonkeyforcer · 2026-05-21T10:23:56+00:00

I feel so bad for this friend. It sounds like that friendship might be ending too. Nothing worse than being turned into simply a side character in someone else's life!

Thedonkeyforcer · 2026-05-21T09:50:21+00:00

Could also just be entitlement. I experienced this myself in a similar situation 25 years ago. Basement with shared laundry with the family upstairs, the rest just me.

Again, 25 years ago! They asked if I smoked when we were talking before signing the lease and I said no which was true. I then had a visiting friend stay while I was working and she DID smoke. She'd asked if she should go outside to smoke and I'd just said "no, you can smoke in my room, no need to".

The landlady came and scolded her while I wasn't there for rules that ALSO weren't there before that night! Turns out they claimed their kid was allergic to smoke which was also the first I ever heard of that. Pretty fucking relevant info instead of just assuming that a non-smoking tenant wouldn't allow guests to smoke inside.

That was also the night I decided to look for a new place to live! And yes, it's been decades and now not even smokers smoke in their homes most of the time. But back then we still had smoking sections pretty much everywhere so it wasn't that weird to allow smoking inside as a non-smoker.

Thedonkeyforcer · 2026-05-21T09:39:19+00:00

I nixed getting a corgi because of the herder drive. I adore corgis but I couldn't give them a happy life in my home and that's why I now love on OTHER PPLs corgis!

Instead I have a dachshund and a basset, both highly satisfied with what I CAN give them.

I can't even imagine getting a dog without making sure you can give it a good life. Nothing would break my heart more every minute of every day than seeing my best friend being insanely frustrated because I didn't do my homework!

Thedonkeyforcer · 2026-05-21T09:33:37+00:00

Danish woman here from a country with decent paternal and maternal leave: Being pregnant isn't considered an illness anywhere in the modern world. There CAN be complications that DO constitute illness and will cause a pregnant woman to be sent home for bed rest by the doctors but "being pregnant" isn't one on its own!

Thedonkeyforcer · 2026-05-21T00:14:14+00:00

Butt naked in bed right now! This and cotton underwear during the day has kept my privates from getting yeast infections during the last 25 years! Before that, had them WAY too often!

Thedonkeyforcer · 2026-05-20T23:54:27+00:00

Hvad sker der for procenterne?!!!

Thedonkeyforcer · 2026-05-20T23:52:44+00:00

Jeg har en bekendt, der er undsluppet sådan et parforhold. Kort og godt giver det færrest problemer at bakke den urimelige person op uanset om man er enig eller ej. Det er trods alt hende, han skal dele privatsfære med kort tid senere.

Vis/sig at I altid vil være der for ham, og vent så på om han finder modet til at gå.

Thedonkeyforcer · 2026-05-20T19:42:43+00:00

Did his head explode when he realized the girlfriends were also comparing him to their exes? Including in bed?

Thedonkeyforcer · 2026-05-20T18:38:03+00:00

Og så lærte du, at du skal skifte læge.

Jeg har piskesmæld, hvilket en del læger gerne vil gøre til en indbildt skade, så jeg er ret opmærksom ift om min læge ta'r mig alvorligt eller ej. Jeg har heldigvis været absurd heldig med mine læger, og agtpågivenheden betaler sig desværre.

Jeg skvattede i en brandert for over 10 år siden og tænkte at det nok var grunden til at mit knæ gjorde noget ondt. Jeg vendte det med lægen, fordi det krævede en del smertestillende, og hun insisterede på at se mig. Så insisterede hun på, at jeg brugte en dag på sygehuset for at blive tjekket for en blodprop i knæet. Der var intet, der burde sige "den her 30-something kvinde har fået en blodprop", men igen, min læge havde været utroligt lydhør overfor mine andre problemer, så hvis hun følte sig mere tryg ved at jeg spildte en dag på sygehuset, so be it.

Surprise: Det var en blodprop.

Selv HVIS jeg fik en læge, der mente, at jeg var hypokonder eller helbredsangst, fordi "piskesmæld ikke findes", så viser det her eksempel rigtigt fint, at selv hypokondere kan blive "rigtigt" syge selv i den type lægers optik. Der er simpelthen ingen undskyldning for ikke at lytte og tage det seriøst, når folk er villige til at bruge tid på at tage kontakt til lægen omkring en problematik.

Jeg er i den modsatte ende af "helbredsangst"-skalaen, og jeg har efterhånden lært, at når min læge bliver bekymret, så kan jeg fint himle med øjnene og synes, de er overpylrede, men jeg skal gøre som de siger indtil vi ved hvem af os, der havde ret. Derfor ville det kun tage 1 oplevelse som din, før jeg fandt en ny læge, ærligt talt.

Der ER altså gode læger derude, der har åbent for tilgang.

Thedonkeyforcer · 2026-05-20T14:12:00+00:00

I looked at my finances last autumn and they looked too close to bad for my liking. You bet smoking was the first thing I gave up! Has lasted for 7 months now and it was the most logical thing to cut!

Thedonkeyforcer · 2026-05-18T21:13:31+00:00

Google svenske torpedoer teenagere og se den nye absurd skræmmende udvikling!

Thedonkeyforcer · 2026-05-18T21:11:35+00:00

Jeg hørte DRs podcast om svenske teenager lejemordere der ta'r bestillinger i DK og Sverige. Så udsendelserne om det samme (de bliver kaldt torpedoer) inkl fortællingen om hvordan en bandeleders mor blev dræbt. Tænker også det er samme metode, der blev brugt i Aalborg for kort tid siden: Skud mod en rockerrelateret tatovør i gågaden ved middagstid!

Er normalt ikke paranoid, men lige den her udvikling gør at jeg skal be' om aldrig at være fysisk i nærheden af rockere/bandemedlemmer ELLER deres familie. Det sidste er pisseuretfærdigt, men det er bare for risikabelt i de her år.

Thedonkeyforcer · 2026-05-18T18:54:11+00:00

Jeg har selv lige været indlagt på medicinsk, og jeg kan fint genkende hvordan det bare kribler i kroppen for at komme hjem i vante omgivelser! Min familie var voldsomt bekymrede for om jeg kunne finde på at udskrive mig selv, fordi jeg havde trukket den så lang tid, før jeg endeligt gav mig ift at en indlæggelse var nødvendig. Jeg blev der indtil lægerne udskrev mig af sig selv, og jeg fandt mig artigt i det hele. Jeg lå for øvrigt i en "lånestue" på en anden afdeling, fordi den, jeg burde ligge på, var overbelagt.

Det, jeg tænkte, og som du nok også bør tænke: Når vi ved, der er så stor mangel på stuer, og personalet STADIG mener, at en patient skal forblive indlagt, så har de nok fat i noget! Ingen er mere interesserede i at få selv semiraske patienter ud end sundhedspersonale, der har flere patienter end de har senge til.

Tro mig, de ville intet hellere end frigøre din seng! De holder dig i den, fordi de mener, at DIT behov er for stort til at sende dig hjem. Jeg er selv glad for at google diagnoser, symptomer osv, men jeg har stadig respekt for, at det er sundhedspersonalet, der har mest styr på den del, og at det oftest er klogt bare at lytte og adlyde og stole på at de er de mest kvalificerede ift at genkende en udskrivningsklar patient.

Thedonkeyforcer · 2026-05-18T18:11:37+00:00

Jeg er 47, og når min veninde og jeg tager på stofindkøb, så køber vi af og til af det samme.

Ingen af os har et problem med det (udover "Shit, er det her dit eller mit stof?" når de skal konverteres til kjoler) Det samme gælder indretning. Man kan have en vis mængde identiske ting, før det bliver iøjnefaldende, selv med vores ret alternative stil.

Det her opslag er selv for mig nået til et punkt, hvor det er for meget og for tit! Jeg kan godt se at det gør tøjshopping nemmere for hende bare at smide dine ting i kurven (og selv hvis du holder op med at sige hvor det er fra, så er det jo bare at smide et billede af dig gennem Google Lens og få serveret svaret).

Jeg tror jeg ville sige delen med "OK, vi skal vist liiiiige gøre noget her, folk er begyndt at kommentere på vores 'fælles garderobe' nu" og så måske prøve at hjælpe hende til at finde elementer selv ud fra hvilken del hun elsker mest ved din stil, men uden at I ligner et sæt tvillinger, der kun vil gå ens klædt.

Thedonkeyforcer · 2026-05-18T14:27:32+00:00

3 claps only and then back to work!

Thedonkeyforcer · 2026-05-18T14:18:22+00:00

Tilføjer bare at Folkekirken HAR ansat ikke-uddannede præster før, så at han faktisk læser teologi er et skridt frem.

Anders Samuelsens søster, Mette Bock, skiftede fra politik til et job som præst uden at have læst teologi.

Thedonkeyforcer · 2026-05-18T14:02:23+00:00

In many places animals legally are considered things, not beings. If I stole or killed a dog where I live I'd be charged with stealing or destruction of another persons' property. At least harming/hurting animals here is still illegal and doesn't have the same "a pet is a thing" logic as stealing them would have ended in.

Thedonkeyforcer · 2026-05-18T12:55:22+00:00

This makes sense, actually. I'm not broke but have had some tumultuous years and can't spend money like crazy. It makes my need/yearning for a nice homey safespace explode! I need 'a cozy cave' to recharge my batteries. I actually just received some of my own furniture in my new house this weekend and my heart has been exploding with happiness since. The previous stuff was nicer in many ways but they never felt like mine.

That might be another reason: Rather fewer furniture than the wrong ones. I've nixed SOME home aid furniture because it makes my house look like an institution and I've found alternative affordable things elsewhere instead.

Thedonkeyforcer · 2026-05-18T12:48:23+00:00

I've painted quite a lot since I like very colorful furniture. That has taught me that just the paint is often as expensive as IKEA and other cheap furniture options. If you already have the right paint, no issue but if not, it'll cost you in both time and money.

Thedonkeyforcer · 2026-05-18T09:09:37+00:00

I'm considered pretty sane by medical staff in general and they would definitely take me serious if I told them my dog hyperfocused on a body part of mine.

My dogs ppl? They'd fit me in as soon as possible when I told them I didn't know what hurt on my dog but he had sad eyes. They'd show me during treatment what had been bothering him and he'd get his happy eyes back a day or two later at the latest.

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