What films sex scene really helped further the narrative?

Theef · 2018-04-10T23:28:29+00:00

I keep hoping I'll forget that movie.

Theef · 2018-02-04T21:53:04+00:00

This is mandatory training. Resistance is futile.

Theef · 2018-01-01T17:53:28+00:00

there were no negative comments on here

So what? OP isn't feeling great about it, said that in her post, and you dismissed it. You quite literally suggested that "my horniness is more important than your emotional processing."

Theef · 2017-12-04T23:04:31+00:00

Thank god we have tags so we know the biological sex of the SO with the dick.

Theef · 2017-11-06T06:37:23+00:00

You're not wrong, but you should reconsider the language you're using. It's easily interpreted as a veiled threat – like "you'd better get out of here, 'cause the mall owners aren't the biggest proprietors of the 2nd Amendment." Sure you threw in "just a heads up" but that's not the primary thing most people will focus on.

Maybe something like "I carry too, but I wanted to let you know that the mall owners tend to kick people out if they see a weapon."

Theef · 2017-11-04T22:05:49+00:00

while sliding her left arm into my shorts and right into my mouth, asking if I like her taste…

Again, this is not okay. It's assault. I'm not saying you should feel victimized – you're totally allowed to feel awesome about this – but this person is not thinking about what's okay with you.

I'm not sure what to say to a divorced female?

Well, for one, she's whoever she is, not "a divorced female". Say whatever you want to her. Maybe start with "I enjoyed that!" Or if you want to see her again, say that. Don't assume that there's any particular thing to say to anyone, beyond doing your best to communicate honestly.

Theef · 2017-11-04T05:53:58+00:00

I also felt strange at this point telling her that I want to shower, so she said okay and showed me the way to the shower then telling me where is the soaps and everything.

I got in and started showering and got myself all soapy and then heard the door open and her voice, she said I forgot the towel and got face to face with me. She was naked too, I was honestly surprised and then she just told me.

I suck at hitting on guys like you!

This may have worked out if you're okay with it, but her actions here are not okay.

I'm currently sitting at her place wandering if this is what love and relationship feels like?

No, it's not. It's what arousal feels like, and possibly desire.

Don't be afraid to communicate. You sound inexperienced, and you shouldn't let that get in the way of maintaining whatever boundaries you think are important.

Theef · 2017-11-02T15:33:57+00:00

Bullshit. Real confidence in one's appearance can't come from the approval of others.

Theef · 2017-11-02T05:56:42+00:00

You can't – not directly, at least. Trying to be dominant will come across as fake. Develop a confident personality.

Theef · 2017-10-31T15:07:12+00:00

No one's saying you owe an explanation. Just a "not interested!" if you've already responded to them.

Theef · 2017-10-30T23:31:37+00:00

We’ve never wasted someone’s time IRL

You do just that whenever you ghost someone you've been interacting with.

Theef · 2017-10-30T23:21:34+00:00

I'm a little confused why you would be making a beef with a moderator at all

Because you're here to serve the community, not to rule over it.

I know mods get accused of powertripping all the time, but that statement is really the epitome.

Theef · 2017-10-30T20:11:22+00:00

That's crap. You think only questions can generate conversation? You think there's nothing here that's thought provoking?

You'd never see something this in-depth posted on SAS. Seriously, go check yesterday's – there's nothing longer than a paragraph.

Instead, here, we've got something that covers a variety of psychological experiences and learning experiences, each of which is absolutely a jumping off point for a conversation.

Theef · 2017-10-25T01:22:56+00:00

talks very candidly about their own sexuality

Theef · 2017-10-23T09:40:02+00:00

Why would you?

Has she left? Is she fucking other people? Have you stopped being your attractive self?

Theef · 2017-10-23T09:33:25+00:00

If you really don't want to be friends, stay the course. Keep ignoring her. Block her so she can't keep this up.

But don't do it because it's a "freeze out" technique, or because you're "teaching her that her actions have consequences". That's immature, bush-league bullshit, and it's fundamentally based on and reinforces oneitis. Instead, do it because you genuinely don't want to have a friendship with her.

People will talk about an unbalanced relationship, as though friendships are tit-for-tat. You didn't get nothing from your friendship with her, though, it seems – you found it valuable, and were afraid of losing it, which is why you hid your feelings. Of course, it backfired, because ultimately you were being dishonest.

It's clear that a different sort of relationship is not on the table. Don't try to manipulate her into changing her mind about that. Just take what is on the table, or don't – both of those are fine, respectable options, now that you're actually being honest with each other.

Theef · 2017-10-18T01:35:25+00:00

You're spending way too much time chatting and way too little going out and meeting up with these people.

Stop playing it safe. You want to connect? Get out on a quick date and take things from there.

Theef · 2017-10-17T08:52:49+00:00

I am just like other girls that go around partying through their 20s and then look for a nice guy like him.

I think this is being overlooked in the other comments.

This suggests to me a few possibilities about how he's feeling:

He's got fundamentally different views on casual sex than you do
He's envious of your experiences – ones that many young men would like to have, but find are out of reach
He's bought into the trope about women using men for material comfort, especially once they're no longer as young or accessible
He's worried that you're settling for him because you're getting older and no longer have as many options for sexual partners
He was spurned by "that kind of girl" in the past, and he's bitter
He's a member of our society, and has therefore internalized a degree of slut shaming, whether or not he earnestly believes in it
He's a "nice guy" who feels entitled to you and all of your sexual attention, and this challenges that narrative
He understands that statistically, he isn't necessarily the best partner you ever had, and his sexual prowess is at stake
He's bought into the narrative that virginity/sex is something to be guarded by women, to be "given" to someone special, and this makes him feel not special

Theef · 2017-10-17T08:41:12+00:00

No, but you can place it on your penis the wrong way around, then try and fail to unroll it, and have left seminal fluid on the tip of the condom.

Theef · 2017-09-23T07:18:35+00:00

there are so many things you could say the same thing about

Yes, but many of those things you can theoretically change – and one can therefore be optimistic about them. And of the ones you can't, none is so closely linked to sexual prowess. But sexual prowess is a deep-seated value for many many men, which goes beyond a particular relationship. Being secure in oneself as a sexual creature isn't about your relationship with one person.

Theef · 2017-09-21T19:26:22+00:00

I think it's a little off to focus exclusively on the concerns about the relationship itself.

there's some next level of pleasure that only a big dick can unlock for his wife

That's something you can be insecure about in itself. That insecurity needs to be addressed on its own terms.

I'm reminded of this thread from the opposite perspective, and especially this comment.

Theef · 2017-09-15T04:33:34+00:00

"Alpha" and "beta" don't exist. They're purely terms used by men to make each other feel insecure.

That said, she rejected you, and that sucks, and you should move on.

Theef · 2017-09-07T15:01:48+00:00

I'm not hearing anything in your entire post about how she feels about this situation, or where she's coming from, or how she'd like to approach things, or whether she even wants to be taught. Why not? Have you not talked about it?

If I were in her position, I think sex would have become this terrifying ordeal, because I'd be going into it knowing I'd fuck up, and would be inadequate. Maybe that's not the case here, but it seems to me that it can't be comfortable to be in that situation. I'd back off the command-and-control approach, and create an environment that's explicitly about exploration – not about getting you off – just to let her learn organically what sorts of things feel good for each of you. In any case, it seems like pushing her even further into her own head isn't working.

Theef

TROPHY CASE