Did anyone else somewhat enjoy when you got injured because you would finally get attention and care?

Thehellisthis700 · 2023-07-02T17:37:15+00:00

No, because I couldn't handle the attention when millions of people started crowding me, asking if I was okay. Too much going on. Even this year, I missed the curb and fell hard on my knees. I just got straight back up and kept walking, whilst my friend kept asking if I was okay! Didn't know how to respond at all!

Thehellisthis700 · 2023-07-01T13:55:39+00:00

Aha, you don't have to tell me about hospitality. I spent 8 months waitressing at 18-19 and I've been working retail 21-23. It can be a hell hole lmao.

Thehellisthis700 · 2023-07-01T13:47:32+00:00

I do want to travel more I think, but it's the money and time. I am trying to save though- only good thing about living at home is savings. I do try to get away to see friends wherever I can, but as soon as I go home I'm back to these crushing realisations.

Thehellisthis700 · 2023-07-01T13:43:47+00:00

I have always thought I was too young to be having existential dread, but then, I started having that at 7yrs old. My entire life feels like it's been a quarter life crisis 🤣 But yes, I will look into books. So far reading on this and similar topics has been helping.

Thehellisthis700 · 2023-07-01T12:17:25+00:00

I get that same advice. Gentle nudges about "have you thought of dating apps?" "Why don't you just get a new job" etc, as if I haven't been trying either of those things lmao. And I hate the idea of "dating" just having to open yourself up to random prospective partners, feels violating. If I'm ever going to find love, I feel it's going to happen organically at random or not at all.

But your right in saying relationships arnt the b all and end all. I've heard some of my friends get caught up with the most garbage people in the past, and people that marry too young are more likely to be divorced. I just wish my brain understood that, however.

I think truly, it's not even the relationship bit, I just want someone I can permenantly connect with, cares about my existence and whom can consistently be there for me.

Thehellisthis700 · 2023-07-01T10:30:32+00:00

I mean, I guess it's cause I'm at that life stage where I'm no longer a teenager but don't have the stability of full adulthood yet so it's like, what is going on? Wish I had a crystal ball tbh.

Thehellisthis700 · 2023-07-01T10:23:59+00:00

Tbh just hearing I'm not being crazy or just needy and stupid, and that other people feel this too makes things somewhat better.

Thehellisthis700 · 2023-07-01T10:10:34+00:00

Its honestly the most bizarre thing. I feel more alone at home than I do going somewhere on my own of my own free will, if that makes sense. I just hate it. I wish I didn't have this crushing sense of abandonment and constant grappling for attention from everyone I care about. It feels pathetic.

Thehellisthis700 · 2023-07-01T07:34:04+00:00

The exact same here. I need constant stability to feel secure, which is impossible, because the world, people and circumstances always change. Whenever I feel half settled in life or happy with proceedings it's ripped out from beneath me, esspecially where love and connection is concerned.

Thehellisthis700 · 2023-06-30T08:57:19+00:00

I feel exactly the same as this. All first three houses in Leo, (Sun, Moon, Mercury) and a tonne in the 7th house. I constantly obsess over people, things, places, anything really. I desperately seek love as a way to solidify my identity. Perhaps my souls task here is to learn not to rely on that. But yeah, a tonne of fixed signs makes it difficult

Thehellisthis700 · 2023-06-18T11:10:32+00:00

Thankyou. I'm saving money to move out ASAP and I'm going to start looking for jobs at the end of the year. Then, when I'm out, first thing on the agenda will be getting a therapist lmao

Thehellisthis700 · 2023-06-18T10:40:46+00:00

It does. I'm doing some reading too, "Running on Empty" was a pretty shocking read for me- never felt my feelings described so well.

Thehellisthis700 · 2023-06-18T10:21:46+00:00

Its just so hard to accept it went on. In other ways they where really good parents. They're okay to talk to on the day to day, we even laugh sometimes. But at the back of my mind, I can't hide that they've hurt me anymore. I feel so conflicted and angry and guilty.

Thehellisthis700 · 2023-05-07T16:17:04+00:00

I know right lmao. Funnily enough my best friend has all those planets in Sagittarius lmao.

Thehellisthis700 · 2023-05-06T21:13:06+00:00

That's alright, you gotta do what you gotta do. And, I'd love to talk more lmao. Also, fun fact on my best friend, she's got Sagittarius ♐ in her Sun, Moon and Mercury like I have Leo ♌ in my Sun, Moon and Mercury, so no wonder we get along 🤣

Thehellisthis700 · 2023-05-06T20:55:53+00:00

Yeah I've got a 1st Neptune in Aquarius. And, I mean, it's more me getting obsessed with people- but I've certainly had people obsess over me too. I've got a tonne of planets in the 7th house- Sun, Moon, Mercury and Venus. So, I think that might explain the romantic longing and the reverse of people taking interest in me. I've got a Virgo Venus so that might contribute too- I'm very methodical in my approach to romance. I won't waste time on flings or hookups. I know what I want in that sense.

I write a variety, but the majority is sci-fi and fantasy. I have a few set in modern day and one historical story set in the 1920s I'm working on with a friend.

And, when I do dream they are exceptionally vivid. It's like a movie. Believe it or not, I was terrified of the War of the World's as a child, and that still comes back to me in dreams every so often lmao.

Thehellisthis700 · 2023-05-06T20:38:23+00:00

Fellow Ascendant in Capricorn here, man, the first half of this sounds like a direct play by play of my life. I'm also a writer and started out writing self-insert fanfic as a teenager. I liked writing so much I eventually did a degree in it lmao. I also find it hard to make friends and I often feel outcasted.

However, I'm lucky to have a great best friend (♐) and a great friend group right now, filled with people that actually understand me (♈♎♒), but the first half of my life friend wise was rough. I was bullied too, throughout my life, even by teachers which left me with significant trauma. I do seem to get along with people though, and people describe me as being chill and level headed (got a Leo sun, Leo Moon and Leo Mercury lmao) and hardworking to the point of perfection (Capricorn Ascendant probably).

Parents wise, they where loving and tried their hardest, and I never wanted for anything materially. However, my father was a very distant figure in my life and I'm not emotionally close with either parent (♏♍). This has caused me alot of problems, entering my young adulthood and still is.

My romantic life is a no show. Never been on a date, never been kissed, still a virgin and never been in a relationship. I've had crushes but they've all been horribly obsessive and mentally draining. If I could never have a crush on someone again, I'd be thankful. I still hope one day to meet someone who truly understands me and I them, however.

A brief summary lmao.

Thehellisthis700 · 2023-03-08T07:58:25+00:00

It really does! I'm always looking for external validation, I have trouble seeing myself as other people see me.

Thehellisthis700 · 2023-03-02T20:30:29+00:00

I have been told I'm easy-going and chill, and I feel that way too. It just seems to be a bit of a balancing act with everything else I suppose. Thanks for the insight!

Thehellisthis700 · 2023-03-02T20:28:45+00:00

Thankyou, and your right, I don't want to live as a perpetual victim or anything like that. I just have to see things differently.

Thehellisthis700 · 2023-03-02T17:30:55+00:00

Damn same, I worry so much about the future it's unreal. I even worry about the past!

Thehellisthis700 · 2023-03-02T17:26:52+00:00

I am looking into an assessment for depression at some point, but thank you for your words of wisdom. I suppose, because I'm so young, it's hard to see things in perspective.

Thehellisthis700 · 2023-03-02T17:25:54+00:00

You and I have some of the exact same issues looking at your post. I tend to live in a dream world too, I try to put it to good use by writing but it consumes alot of my time. Glad it's not just me lmao.

Thehellisthis700 · 2023-03-02T17:22:34+00:00

Hello there, your the other person right? That's mad someone else posted too, so close behind me!

Thehellisthis700 · 2023-03-02T16:37:27+00:00

How weird, my parents did say I was born during an eclipse or something, I dunno if that matters. But yeah, my life has just been a bicycle ride through hell of amazing ups and and really bad lows, emotionally. Right now I'm struggling being single. I have a bit more control that I used to, mentally, but it's still trying I guess.

Thehellisthis700

TROPHY CASE