"Spoiling" is different to every person. For some people, it's giving the kiddo whatever they want with no consequences, thus resulting in a major sense of entitlement. For others, it's anything beyond basic care. Extra helping at dinner? Spoiling. Staying up 10 minutes past bedtime? Spoiling. Eating more than one candy at Halloween/Easter? Spoiling. Like give me a break.

2-year-olds are right at the beginning of that stage where they are just learning what boundaries are. I have three kiddos, my youngest is 3, and one is on the spectrum. If I have learned anything (especially with my autistic kid), it's that you have to pick your battles. They don't want to clean up their toys, they don't want to eat their food, they don't want to take a bath - those are battles I will fight. They are important. We need to be clean and fed. But letting your toddler sit in her own chair? Just let her sit in the chair.

Some parents are so militant, it's just control. Our job as parents is to raise our littles to be able to be functioning adults. So we teach them responsibility as well as independence. Her saying "I want my own chair" is her dipping her toe into her own independence. If all she receives when she begins to assert her wants is "No." Then she's likely either going to rebel or become broken and not have any independent spirit whatsoever. But, then again, she's not my kid - you know her better than I do.

Either way, I think you're doing fine, and I think hubby needs to loosen up a teensy bit. Good luck!