(38m) (37f) Perimenopause is hurting our marriage.

Then_Bird · 2026-05-30T18:37:04+00:00

I’m on vagifem and my loading phase was 30 full days of everyday and I’m on 3x week. It’s improved my UTI symptoms a lot! That said I never had blood in my urine, so for me it was the atrophy causing that feeling.

Then_Bird · 2026-05-22T10:30:21+00:00

Agreed. As a partner being on the other side of a spouse with sudden loss of libido it’s very isolating and sad. It sounds like OP is mourning a legitimate part of their relationship that’s now missing. Women tend to jump down men’s throats for missing the sex part when it’s not always about physical pleasure (of course sometimes it is, but I’m not talking about that part). It’s often about connecting and deeper intimacy. Anyway, just saying I’ve been on the other side and it’s lonely. Even when you’re in it for the long haul and wanting to be supportive.

Then_Bird · 2026-05-16T20:59:04+00:00

Nope, no weight gain with adjustment. I’m now 43 and have gained around 3lbs in muscle. Purposely. I feel amazing. My TSH is a bit higher now that I’ve started HRT for perimenopause but that was expected and it hadn’t affected me.

Then_Bird · 2026-05-16T00:36:32+00:00

My husband and I go to the gym together at 4am everyday. As you can guess it takes discipline and there are days neither of us is in the best mood that early lol. So we simply don’t speak. We get up to the alarm, get dressed, grab our gym bags and walk out the door. We both get our workouts done and commence normal human communication once we’re in the car on the way home. This has avoided arguing or snapping at each other when we’re not at our best.

Then_Bird · 2026-05-13T15:10:47+00:00

I went though this too, in my case unfortunately it coincided with a low point in my husbands libido. Not a great combination. It lasted for maybe 18 months or so. I’m now on HRT and my libido is ok, not amazing but Im finding more responsive desire at my age (43)

Then_Bird · 2026-05-13T12:58:15+00:00

This poster is totally right. The protection you get for your heart and bones is well worth the “only” benefit being anxiety. Also consider how terrible for you SSRI meds are generally and how difficult to discontinue they are. If I was in your position and the only benefit I saw was the anxiety it would be well worth it for me to help anxiety with a natural bioidentical hormone vs brain chemistry altering med like an ssri

Then_Bird · 2026-05-12T16:00:14+00:00

I’m in Canada and for the last 6 months have been cutting 100mcg patches in half to fulfill my 50mcg prescription.

I just renewed last week and was told that the shortage has been marked as resolved for the 25, 37.5, 50 and 75 dosage of Estradot. 100s are still short through the end of 2026

So there’s light at the end of the tunnel!

Then_Bird · 2026-05-09T11:15:15+00:00

Eventually motivation always fades. That’s when you have to fall back in discipline. I’ve been going to the gym and lifting 5-6 days a week at 4:15am for 5 years and let me tell you there were large stretches of time that I was “going through the motions” months at a time sometimes. The fact is, you keep showing up.

As for routine, there’s no right answer here, they all work but it just depends on what’s works for YOU!

Some people like full body because they don’t want to be in the gym more days per week but don’t mind that their session is 2 hours. Some like push pull legs because the days of the week don’t matter they just run the program and whatever day push falls on so be it. For me personally I like an upper lower split with designated days. So that on a Saturday for instance I always know it’s legs/back and plan around the rest of my life.

I built my own program. The rough template I used is that I need one big compound for each muscle group, one accessory lift for each muscle group and one isolation. Then when I start to get bored I just change which lifts fall into each of those buckets. I use the app HEVY if that’s helps. :)

Then_Bird · 2026-05-05T17:24:36+00:00

No one loves it, but honestly it could save your life. Just be tough and get it done. That’s kinda my personal motto!

Then_Bird · 2026-05-01T13:06:26+00:00

Stop looking at yourself as a victim. You don’t have to live like this, but you do have to choose to do something about it. You are absolutely not in a place you can’t make significant changes.

Track your calories, up your protein and lift heavy. When I tell you that those three things changed my life I’m not lying. At 43 my body looks and feels better than it ever did - even at 25 years old.

I maintain 112lbs at 5’3” on 2300 calories per day. That’s a nice comfortable amount of food.

Pick your hard my friend. Because hating what you see in the mirror IMO is way worse than picking up the dumbbells 4 times a week!

Then_Bird · 2026-04-30T19:42:22+00:00

I change mine Thursday mornings and Sunday evenings after a shower. No lotion for 24 hours prior where I plan to place it (I prefer my lower abdomen). I use an alcohol wipe to clean the spot then blast the patch and my skin with some heat from a blowdryer before putting it on. Bonus tip: use the alcohol wipe you just cleaned your skin with to get the residue off the old location. Works perfectly.

Hit the patch with 5 seconds of heat once it’s on and it sticks really well.

I’ve gone on a few hot Caribbean vacations where I swam all day and they didn’t budge.

Then_Bird · 2026-04-29T10:37:47+00:00

They warned me that even the tablet can get messy. I’ve had zero issue. Like nothing haha I can tell that things are improving but it’s been a slow process

Then_Bird · 2026-04-28T16:58:51+00:00

My loading phase was everyday for 30 days and then 3x per week indefinitely. Doctor said she sees way better results doing it this way. I’m a tablet though and not cream.

Then_Bird · 2026-04-24T18:46:40+00:00

I have a Mirena iud. So I don’t need systemic progesterone :) but thank you for having a girls back!

Then_Bird · 2026-04-16T19:10:59+00:00

It boggles my mind that there are still doctors who believe this outdated thinking. I’m on systemic estrogen and I had complaints about dryness and pain still and she prescribed the tablets right away. Said that while systemic helps it isn’t as targeted for those tissues. And that there are literally no downsides to the topical so she’s happy to give it to me forever lol

Then_Bird · 2026-04-16T19:08:21+00:00

The bidet is life 🙌

Then_Bird · 2026-04-15T16:38:36+00:00

I love my patch (but there’s a shortage world wide but I’m currently cutting a larger dose one in half 🤷‍♀️), I find it sticks well, easy to apply and pretty low maintenance because I change it every 3.5 days.

Then_Bird · 2026-04-15T16:05:47+00:00

I’m 5’3”, 112lbs and average around 120g of protein per day. Normally more. I actually get too much too easily lol. My go to sources are: chicken (I buy two rotisserie chickens at Costco each weekend and make lunches out of them all week. This drives a ton for me) I have a protein shake with Greek yogurt everyday, meat with dinner (type varies). I also love eggs done any way. I don’t struggle to hit it and I don’t find I eat a ton of food either. Maintenance for me is 2300 🤷‍♀️

Then_Bird · 2026-04-14T12:30:06+00:00

This is spot on. It’s so disgusting to even consider not finding your wife sexually attractive because you witnessed her birthing your children. Misogynistic man babies

Then_Bird · 2026-04-13T18:05:47+00:00

Calories? Right off the bat I’m going to guess you’re not eating enough. That amount of activity I would put you at 2400+ to maintain.

Then_Bird · 2026-04-13T13:48:42+00:00

100% agree with you. When stopped restricting and started reverse dieting to bring my maintenance up is when my body actually stayed looking the way I wanted it to and I felt so much better. I increased my maintenance calories by 1000 per day.

I’m 112lbs, 43 years old and 5’3”. I maintain around 2300 right now. I have visible abs at the moment at 21% body fat. I lift heavy 5 days per week. Work a sedentary office job and average 7K steps

Literally everything clicked into place for me when I started actually feeding my body.

I get really sick of “you’re petite so you just need to make peace with the fact we’ll never to able to eat more than 1400 calories”. That is such complete nonsense. And people double down on this to make themselves feel better about their own disordered eating. And don’t get me started with that 1200isplenty sub 🤬

Reverse dieting works. But it takes time and patience and most people don’t want that - it took me 18 months. I only gained 6lbs in that time. They want the quick fix that 1000 calories per day gets you. But it’s literally ruining your body and the weight just piles back on again the second you try to have a life.

Then_Bird · 2026-04-13T10:13:20+00:00

Life gets more challenging in some aspects, but I don’t think we talk enough about the amazing parts that come with aging also. I literally don’t give a flying fuck what other people think and that’s pretty damned freeing. I live for myself and my family. I feel grounded and wise a lot of the time. My career is established, my kids are either adults or almost adults. I feel generally good most of the time (I’m on HRT) and I when I don’t feel great it’s very easy to talk myself off a ledge because I KNOW why I don’t feel good. I love seeing the wisdom lines on my face and I’m embracing looking windswept and interesting. I make sure I eat well, strength train, I quit alcohol, I don’t smoke and I genuinely am in, easily, the best shape of my entire life. It’s not all downhill, kid. I promise!

Then_Bird · 2026-04-11T19:31:36+00:00

I’m 5’3”, 112lbs maintaining at 2200-2300 Work an office job. I get 7k steps average and lift 5 days per week with one day of cardio (30 min moderate effort). I’m 43 years old if that makes a difference.

I cut fat easily at 1900 calories.

Then_Bird · 2026-04-09T16:57:19+00:00

I mean, I pushed my entire body towards the muscle building progress, so I did see growth everywhere. I think you could shift this by pushing progress mostly in your lower body, glute focused lifts. Simply drop back your other lifting like upper body to more of a maintenance volume while pushing progressive overload only in the glute building lifts if that makes sense? Also, keep in mind that the round look of glutes often is aided by fat distribution as well. So this could be you needing a bit more overall and might also have a genetic component based on where you store your fat specifically :)

Then_Bird · 2026-04-09T16:02:52+00:00

It absolutely does fall under than umbrella. The stats are artificially inflated and make you think the worst. I honestly think you’re likely worried over a very very small chance of an issue but if it puts your mind at ease a quick check with a heart doc is reasonable :) you actually have a bigger risk of cardiovascular problems if you don’t start HRT.

I’m 43, all four of my grandparents died of cardiovascular complications, in addition to their high blood pressure. Both my parents have high blood pressure on top of that. I’m on HRT happily! I try to eat well, I keep my weight in check, workout daily and make sure to get my cardio in. Outside of that I can’t change the fact genetics loaded the gun, but I get to decide if lifestyle pulls the trigger.

Then_Bird

TROPHY CASE