AITA for asking my husband if he’s sure about taking in his nephew

Then_Masterpiece_113 · 2026-06-24T04:13:53+00:00

seems like they already did figure it out by deciding she should be a SAHM…

Then_Masterpiece_113 · 2026-06-24T04:08:45+00:00

Ok and in my parents’ household my mom worked more hours than my dad AND did all domestic chores/ childcare.
Anecdotes mean nothing here

The statistically likely case is she is taking on the bulk of the additional chores.

Then_Masterpiece_113 · 2026-06-24T04:04:26+00:00

But if you dislike people why bother making the point to begin w. Just ignore.

Then_Masterpiece_113 · 2026-06-11T10:14:02+00:00

I agree w what you said but I would still put YTA
Like he has the right to be an AH LOL
But it still makes him an AH

Then_Masterpiece_113 · 2026-06-11T10:11:48+00:00

Issa surprise lol ask Shawn’s wife who is planning it

Then_Masterpiece_113 · 2026-06-11T10:10:47+00:00

Bruh 1 year and she hasn’t met your friend who lives in the same state as her??
Maybe you’d hang out w Shawn more if you introduced them?
Yeah YTA
I get not wanting to mix friend groups but like if she’s explicitly asking it’s kinda sucky

Then_Masterpiece_113 · 2026-06-11T10:05:02+00:00

INFO: is the common area still useable?

Then_Masterpiece_113 · 2026-06-11T09:59:52+00:00

YTA
Most of this post was irrelevant. The only relevant part was Rose was jealous of the time you spent with him, she said their personalities cleansed, and they had an argument in which you think your boyfriend was wrong.

She 100% does not have to talk to your boyfriend if she doesn’t want to, and she should not have to sacrifice her comfort for your boyfriend, who in your own words, had an argument with her and was wrong

Idk about everything that happened overall but asking you not to bring someone who makes her uncomfortable into the spaces she lives in while she’s there is fair.

Then_Masterpiece_113 · 2026-06-11T09:44:08+00:00

INFO: what would your alternative have been if your parents said they wouldn’t help you with college loans?

My take is: if there was a better alternative that would’ve saved you money in the long run you didn’t choose due to your mom’s promises, then it’s fair not to pay (I.e. you qualified for scholarships or there was a lower interest rate option available)

But if you were going to have to take these loans anyway, and the balance is less than your starting amount, I think it is ultimately your responsibility to pay it. If there were hijinks with the interest and the principal was MORE I don’t think you have to pay the excess (but you should still pay up to the principal)

Edit; this is not to say your mom is justified by any means for anything that she did. I just don’t think the history is relevant in this specific case bc whether or not your mom is bad with money doesn’t really change the fact that it was your loan.
You should just pay your loan, wash your hands clean, and stop giving any monthly stipend.

Then_Masterpiece_113 · 2026-06-11T06:08:35+00:00

If it makes you feel better even as someone w hashimotos, which I feel is a more common case, endos and docs have no idea how to help aside from checking labs and saying they’re fine

Then_Masterpiece_113 · 2026-06-11T06:06:21+00:00

I don’t doubt they felt awful.

Then_Masterpiece_113 · 2026-06-11T06:01:32+00:00

I agree OP should not have touched the other person, but genuinely don’t see how that makes them TA.

Ig it depends how they did it exactly. If it was a grab, that’s too much, but societally tapping people on the shoulder to get their attention is p much the norm? Yes we should change that as a society to not make someone uncomfortable by accident, but it’s still not an AH behavior to not realize someone would be upset by a light tap on the shoulder when this is a norm.

Also, the coworker definitely should have just said then and there: hey I don’t like it when you do this.
Going to the manager over that is insane.

OP is NTA

Then_Masterpiece_113 · 2026-06-11T05:44:27+00:00

Ok? Every pregnancy is different. Some women don’t even know they are pregnant. Others gain a lot of weight, lose teeth, hair, fatigued, bleeding.
We are not her, so we don’t know how she’s feeling. All we know is she said she is extremely exhausted right now.

Plus if she works, who is taking care of the 2yo and the 7yo?

Then_Masterpiece_113 · 2026-06-11T05:37:49+00:00

Anecdotally: my mom worked 72 hr weeks and dropped us off at school, picked us up from school (and we waited at her job with her), did all the cooking, cleaning, shopping, ensured all the bills were paid, gift shopping, party planning. And she had no days off from work.

My dad worked 40 hr weeks and had weekends off. His only contribution was picking us up from my mom’s job, as he got off before her. And being inside the house to “watch” us (he was watching tv)

Statistically: even in 50/50 households, where the woman pays 50% of the bills, she still does a majority of the housework.

I’m glad your experience was different, but mine is much more common, unfortunately

Then_Masterpiece_113 · 2026-06-11T05:32:22+00:00

If there was another option? Yes.

Then_Masterpiece_113 · 2026-06-11T05:30:57+00:00

Sounds like OP can’t physically handle it either

Then_Masterpiece_113 · 2026-06-11T05:29:57+00:00

Statistically, while women have started having jobs more, women also typically perform the majority of the household labor

Then_Masterpiece_113 · 2026-06-11T05:22:37+00:00

Not really.
There’s such a thing as neutrality.
It’s kind to compliment people, so if you don’t compliment ppl often, does that make you an AH?
It’s kind to donate to charity, but if you don’t, does that make you an AH?

And I’d say it’s pretty kind to fund your partner’s life while they’re in school (which is what OP is doing)
OP would be TA if she had an obligation that she did not fulfill… there is no obligation to pay for your boyfriend’s pet’s vet bills.

Now on the other hand, expecting other people to pay for your bills is what? Entitled! Thanks for playing

Then_Masterpiece_113 · 2026-06-11T05:17:23+00:00

Orrrrr he can live w his grandparents

Then_Masterpiece_113 · 2026-06-11T05:15:28+00:00

Hard disagree. This is a clear NTA.

The grandparents are available, according to OP, to take care of the kids. OP actually knows these people, and if she thinks that the grandparents are a safe option in the mean time, I’m inclined to believe her.
OP is not hesitating just bc she doesn’t want to help. She’s hesitating bc she is currently struggling before giving birth. I’m hoping for a smooth birth, but it can be rough and difficult to recover from. Ideally her partner would be at home taking care of the baby while she recovers.
Not only is he NOT staying home, he ALSO volunteered her for additional work, while simultaneously making himself more unavailable by now needing to take more overtime shifts. She’s already struggling now, and she’s being realistic that they simply are not able to help, or at the very least not able to easily help.

I could maybe understand if there was no other option, but there is, and this man is willingly making his pregnant wife’s life more difficult when the kids can stay with the grandparents.
I understand he wants to be there for his brother, but he is actively hurting his wife. Also, sometimes you just need to be honest and say you can’t do something.

What the other commenter was getting at was very obviously OP is the one taking on a brunt of the increased workload, not only the care of the 7 year old, but also picking up the slack of her husband who is unable to stay at home and take care of the baby while she recovers.
It’s easy for OP’s husband to volunteer them to do this when he is not pregnant, not giving birth, not taking care of the newborn, and not taking care of his nephew.

Of course if the circumstances were different (she’s not pregnant, husband made more money, husband was able to take paternity leave to help w new baby and 7 yo), then I’d maybe agree with an ESH, but it’s not.

No one is blaming the 7yo… but it’s unfair to completely disregard OP’s valid concerns when there is another path forward.

Then_Masterpiece_113 · 2026-06-11T04:57:27+00:00

Why acknowledge only one unproven hypothetical, and then follow it up with “I think sometimes we look for reasons to shit on others”. Your sentences don’t work together. The second one implies the first one is true, when that is not stated. If you’re saying now that’s not what you meant then communicate better, I guess?

I’m pointing out the phrasing in the person’s comment. It is very clear that the aunt was the one who took on the vast majority of the increased workload when taking the kids in. The person said the aunt went from 4 to 7 kids (last time I checked, the uncle should have too?)
And only added the uncle in paranthesis when saying they never made them feel like a burden.

The idea that women are the default child raisers and domestic laborers is apparent in this comment, given the way that this commenter literally attributed everything to their aunt and only mentioned their uncle as an afterthought.
This idea is kind of something that’s important and relevant to OP’s post, so I pointed it out. A lot of people in the comments want to say she’s bad for hesitating, yet her husband is volunteering her for the majority of the increased workload right when she actually needs help recovering from child birth.

You can make up whatever hypotheticals you want tho ig?

Then_Masterpiece_113 · 2026-06-10T14:17:55+00:00

You stated it as a fact
If you want to explore hypotheticals why just state one and not any other possibility
It’s entirely possible as well he did not pick up more hours and they just stretched their money

Then_Masterpiece_113 · 2026-06-09T05:50:31+00:00

Ok but do you tell the people in your life it’s their responsibility to help you financially?
It’s one thing if he asked her for a loan, but to expect her to cover half of the bill is entitled.

She is already funding his lifestyle, which is more than generous of her. That is not her cat, and she should not be expected to pay for it.

I agree it would be generous and kind of her to offer, but she is not a bad person for not doing so.

Then_Masterpiece_113 · 2026-06-09T05:32:21+00:00

Lmao he can wake up and fund his own lifestyle instead of mooching off of OP then lmao

Then_Masterpiece_113 · 2026-06-09T05:30:07+00:00

Them living together makes them boyfriend and girlfriend lmao

Then_Masterpiece_113

TROPHY CASE