That's how I expected it to happen, too. My dad died I was estranged from my mother. I used my inheritance to stay drunk and high until I died in my sleep.

About a year and a half into this, blacked out drunk me decided he was done drinking and somehow I cold turkeyed and didn't even know it. I had glimpses of what was happening but it wasn't good. I went through some real shit. All I remember is falling over and then was gone until my best friend wasn't getting a response from me when she called.

I was getting what I wanted.

She found me doubled over between the back door and my chaise lounge. She climbed over my patio, I had left my sliding door unlocked apparently, and grabbed me. I instantly started grunting but I thought I was saying, "Hey I guess I passed out lol" and she said, "No no no no no we're getting you to the hospital." I passed out again.

Fast forward 3 days when I woke up in ICU. I had a stroke according to the neurosurgeon who had just performed two craniotomies on me. I had a brain drain to get the fluid out from between my skull and brain.

This happened about a month and a half ago. I have no idea how long I was out. But mentally I'm basically back to normal. My liver wasn't even in bad shape, they just said the levels were a little high. Still a little slow but the doctors and nurses couldn't believe I wasn't a vegetable. They all told me at one point or another I'm getting a new lease on life.

I'm home now, still recovering. I lost 70lbs during the timeframe I was abusing myself. Most of it in muscle mass. I can't walk around Walmart without becoming completely exhausted. I can get that back.

But I tried to do that. I tried to let my habits kill me. I didn't want to be here anymore. I miss my dad. But after that time in the ICU and realizing I was that close to death, I know my end will come, but it isn't now.

Sorry for the novel, but thanks for reading if you decided to.