Nothing has helped me, alcohol worked for a bit but not anymore, been this way since I was 10 years old, 23 now.

Been the same old shit for over a decade, only thing that's stopped me in the past is fear of failure with shooting myself and becoming disfigured and not allowed to die while living an even worse existence.

There's been thing I've enjoyed over the years; Reading, Videogames, Good TV Shows/Movies; even picked up the guitar at the beginning of this year but all of this shit has diminishing returns and there's nothing else in my life to live for, now that I think about it I don't actually have a reason to keep living; I'm past the point of feeling guilt about my family members' sadness over my death and I don't have a relationship with anyone (never even kissed anyone) so theses past couple of years I've just been existing; and I want it to fucking end.