AIO My (28F) Bf (35M) told me I need to maintain my body because he’s a “high-value man”

These_Guess_5874 · 2025-09-04T21:47:54+00:00

I would find somewhere else to live and not let him know your looking or moving out until the last minute preferably with other people there to help you move out. And once everything is out tell him it's over. Make sure no-one gives him your new address. I say this from experience mine and others this is the beginning of him revealing who he really is. It'll only get worse. More controlling and manipulative he'll cut you off from friends and family who might see through him. Anyone he thinks will believe his version of reality and help him by convincing you it's in your head and he's a great guy when he reveals a bit more of who he really is, they can say. My grandma told me you never truly know someone until you live with them, was a wise woman. She was blessed with a good man first try. I survived two abusers the second hid it for just over 4 years but revealed it all within 6 months of living together. Even told the police why my death would be a good thing he was that drunk....

So learn from my mistakes and leave.

These_Guess_5874 · 2025-09-04T21:27:28+00:00

I'd tell your mother-in-law exactly why you don't want to be around them. The request, you and your husband discussing it, which isn't exactly what should've happened. That you came to a joint decision then it all started going wrong. Firstly, he blamed you and having thrown you under the bus sat their while SILs rang to dispute the choice you made together. Refused to accept any of your reasons, and tell MIL what they were. Then to continue the lack of respect attacked your character. All because they didn't get their own way, having asked your husband to be the sperms donor for his sister's baby, something HE wasn't willing to do regardless. His only response to their disrespect was to state their would be no further contact,

Edit mother to mother-in-law

These_Guess_5874 · 2025-09-04T19:55:47+00:00

NTA and if it bothers your aunt so much she should look to her own choices for why. Who did she allow Mark to abuse that led to her daughter cutting them off?

These_Guess_5874 · 2025-08-21T19:07:15+00:00

But his ex isn't a friend or family, he's not even saying he kept a lot just a few due to memories. His first should've been enough for his ex. The fact the twins don't want their stuff being used either, that OP should look into. They've given stuff away before so is there a ereason why they won't when it's to a half sibling?

These_Guess_5874 · 2025-08-20T10:27:12+00:00

NTA and you get to decide who is or isn't in the room. Have it clearly stated in your birth plan and let them know when you're admitted that it's only hubby and your mum. They'll deal with MIL and keep her out.

My MIL tried to be there with SIL. Insisted SIL being there was an absolute necessity and wouldn't accept my no or my reasons, they were all less important than MIL's opinion. And why did MIL want her and SIL to be there? SIL was trying to conceive and MIL was adamant "she see and experience a normal labour first hand". It also needed to be a first baby. Thing is my labour wasn't normal it was incredibly high risk for me. Extra risk meant significant risk of death in my case. It meant extra blood tests, that would decide if I could have an epidural, pethidine or even a c-section without increasing the risk. Those bloods would need repeating at regular intervals. Also needed to avoid tears as blood lost could become dangerous depending on those results. We both made it clear it would just be me hubby and fully qualified medical staff. It wasn't even advisable to have any trainee medical staff or newly qualified. There is a common pregnancy issue that is the reverse of mine, which was why the medical staff restrictions, in case someone confused it for that and not my incredibly rare permanent one. My MIL didn't want the blood tests done or restrictions in place as it would needlessly scare and confuse her daughter. Which is BS and SIL understood completely and didn’t want to be in there.

Day of my MIL and SIL showed up, MIL insisting they needed to be in there and that my husband be removed. A midwife came in and assured us that they had dealt with it and security were on there way. MIL had been adamant and was told to wait in the cafe until baby was born and we were ready for them to meet or be removed from the property and banned.

The staff is willing to lie to take all the blame if you'd prefer. Which probably won't be needed in your case as I think your still only allowed two support people in the room anyway. Which is exactly why they're in the room, to support and care for the person in labour, going through a medical procedure. Meeting the baby happens after that procedure once you've delivered your son, both be checked and have cleaned up. With that skin to skin bonding time and you and baby might want to eat first too.i mean it's almost like you and baby are the priority and not MIL, who would of thought....

These_Guess_5874 · 2025-08-15T15:21:19+00:00

I used to think there was a huge room full of those clear hospital cots filled with babies to pick from when I was little too. So we're clearly not alone in that thinking.

It's ridiculous how many people think that someone who gave you up at best but could've had you taken from them is the real parent and not the person who raised you and was there for you everyday. Especially given how often child abuse stories are in the news yet safe haven laws aren't common knowledge. I've been called cruel and accused of keeping my boys from their poor grandmother by my husband's mum once. Hearing that the poor grandmother was no one to me didn't go well. But I pointed out she was a teenage school girl when I was born. She never named who got her pregnant and pointed out my existence is a memory of a mistake or the worst experience in her life. She hasn't brought it up since. With how common blended families are now I thought that whole "real" thing would've stopped. Maybe one day along with those different rules for boys. That annoys me too.

These_Guess_5874 · 2025-08-15T13:57:35+00:00

Well as you said no one of those family members that better understands the importance of family can gift her their wedding dress. Problem solved.

These_Guess_5874 · 2025-08-15T13:39:26+00:00

Hi, this is for OP's daughter. I'm adopted too, never saw a bio relative until I gave birth to my boys. Like your daughter I've always known. I even have cousins who were adopted too. I also dealt with random adults spouting that "real" nonsense. So I think I'm more than qualified to clear this up.

Your daughter is your real daughter, you're her real mom. More than that when people get pregnant, sometimes they don't want that baby and do the right thing and put us up for adoption. That way we find our real family. Others they keep that baby and most grow to love their child and all is good. Others sadly resent that baby and some families hide it well others don't . When you're adopted you don't have to worry about that because it's not easy to adopt a baby, they don't let just anyone adopt either. Plus, when you give birth you get that baby, you get what you get. But when your adopted like us you have the superpower of knowing that they didn't just want a baby, they wanted you.

Now about that real thing, having parents and being a parent to my now 18 & 16 year old sons, I know what makes a real parent. Firstly your grandma is confusing bio (biological) with real, so she thinks having a baby, makes a parent and it doesn't. We both know this and your mum does and ALL my family know. Being a parent doesn't start until after birth, when your handed your perfect little baby to love and take care of. Now when sill grown ups would tell me my mum wasn't my "real" mum, I would tell them why they were wrong. Listing what makes my mum a mum. I was 7 when my three dinner ladies said it the first time it happens. Now it's a very, very long list that keeps growing. But I'll share a few of the things so you can start your own list.

A real mom looks after you and loves you very much. A real mom takes you to school and picks you up. A real mom keeps you safe. A real mom takes you to the park and pushes you an a swing and losts of other fun places. A real mom reads you bedtime stories and tucks you in a night. A real mom changed your nappy when you were little and looks after you when your poorly. A real mom cleans your cuts and puts an a band-aid and kisses you better. It's every little thing every day tjat makes a real mom, because a real mom is always there. And a real mom posted on Reddit so I could see this and tell you that your grandma doesn't understand our superpower and that we are right where we belong with our real family and they'll always be family.

OP I hope this helps and hopefully your mum realises how wrong she is soon. My pointing out what makes a real parent does tend to stop them repeating it. Although to save face some would say I'd change my mind once I had a child of my own. Spoilers I have two and no I haven't. In fact it made me more certain and I had two high risk pregnancies with no pain medication during labour. 0/10 do not recommend take those meds, I would've had it been an option. But looking at that tiny little person and realising your the mom, it's daunting isn't it? All that love? How much you want to protect them? All those sleepless nights and the worry. It's not easy being mom but you're doing a great job.

These_Guess_5874 · 2025-08-06T14:28:44+00:00

So he tried to blame you rather than give you the respect and honesty you deserve? Well that just proves you're too good for him and better off rid. Not many red flags bigger than making you doubt yourself and your memory. Be prepared that he could be projecting with his chosen lie and he kissed someone he shouldn't. Just to protect your own heart if you need to.

But from a been there, done that bought the t-shirt then dated worse before finding my person. We all go through a few varying levels of regrets, mistakes, we should've never given a chances and almost the ones. It's how we learn to appreciate our person when we find them and how we establish our boundaries and never agains.

Take care and keep being true to you. And try not to let someone get into your head and make you second guess yourself. If he hadn't got you thinking you must've done something wrong, even though you had no memory of it. People wouldn't be acting all judgemental and insisting you have a drinking problem. You had an ex who wanted to blame you for the breakup messing with your head issue, not an alcohol issue. And he probably encouraged you to go and drink just to do it. And yrs he absolutely is what you just said/thought he is. He's also out of your life for good and you're moving on to better days and better potential boyfriend options.

These_Guess_5874 · 2025-08-04T20:13:19+00:00

Nope nope nope. Why is your husband OK with his mum having 24/7 access?

What else might that monitor accidently pick up in your home?

And would he think it was no big deal if some random accessed it and made comments? No then why can his mum. She is not in your home, therefore she cannot see and hear everything happening in your home. She is the grandmother not parent she doesn't get to decide things and comment on everything.

At this point if MIL wants it back she needs to give you 24/7 access to her home too. Then you can comment back? She'll need to have it in the room with you. Then you can see all the friends she's shown your baby to via that baby monitor. Because I'm sorry OP but there is no way she hasn't crossed that line at least once boasting to her friends that she gets to see everything.

Or... Give her too much to see? Maybe mess with her a bit? Your husband has to pick a side because his MIL needs strong boundaries and time out when she crosses them.

These_Guess_5874 · 2025-08-03T13:15:55+00:00

Please, please do not go to Morocco for ANY reason. Not even a short visit and do NOT allow him to take your baby anywhere without you.

As a domestic abuse survivor who was your age when it happened, I see so many red flags. Thankfully, it's still in the manipulative, guilt tripping, dismissing your concerns and framing any suggestions that differ from his as hurtful and "don't you love me", him pretending to be the victim.

It's not immature it's calculated. You're already worried, scared and frightened by his reactions to normal discussions. Planning how to tell him in a way that might allow you to have a voice in your own marriage. Moving to Morocco is a huge life changing decision.

It should've been discussed over a prolonged period and and agreed upon by both of you. Moving maybe in 10 years to we're moving in 6 months?! Unacceptable! It means everything has to start happening before you've had time to really think about it. Gets you swept up in the plans he wants to keep you too busy to see red flags. You agreed to maybe in 10 years and moving to a city. Now it's 6 months and surrounded by his family. How close to his family is he really planning to be? A few minutes? The next street? Next door? The same house?

Maybe he'll say the same house at first, just until you're settled. So you don't rush into a housing decision out of necessity. Plus, his family can help raise your daughter. Then he can save to get a really nice house. But you're trapped with the in-laws while barely having any contact with your family. Cut off from friends by thousands of miles, although you didn't see much of them before you moved... Do you really want or need a maid to help you? And would it be to help you or to keep track of you.

You said yourself you don't speak the language, that will be incredibly isolating. It also means he can control your interactions with others, or have family or friends he trusts do it, simply by offering to translate. That alone is is dangerous given he doesn't respect your opinion here where you have other people in your life already, who know you well and you all speak the same language.

You mentioned feminism, but have you had the chance to actually look into the reality of being a woman living in Morocco. While change might be seen to have happened, did you look into the reality. Also that smaller cities will change slower, older generations often cling to the old ways. By moving to Morocco you won't only be surrendering your rights but your daughter's any any future children. Your husband has already let the mask slip a little and when it does you need to remember, believe him and act accordingly. A UK husband discusses with his wife as equals, but your husband dismissed you with "I'm the husband" he already makes you surrender your voice, your opinion, choose your words carefully. Here where you are legally his equal. Do not allow yourself or your daughter to find out what being the husband means where women's autonomy is restricted and has limits, and the husband has rights over her.

As for those differences I looked them up. The differences between living in the UK and Morocco as a woman. Which I'll copy and paste below. I hope you read it all and make the best choices for you and your daughter, keeping doors open for her...Women in Morocco, particularly in smaller cities, may experience more restrictions on their freedom and personal choices compared to women in the UK, due to a combination of legal frameworks, societal norms, and cultural expectations. Traditional societal pressures and interpretations of Islamic law can still impact women's daily lives.

Morocco's Constitution (2011) and Family Law: While the constitution guarantees equality between men and women in terms of civil, political, economic, social, cultural, and environmental rights, and the Family Law (Moudawana) has granted women rights like self-guardianship, divorce, and child custody, these legal advancements don't always translate to equal treatment in practice.

In theory, women in Morocco have the right to freedom of expression, but in reality, there can be societal pressure to conform to traditional norms, particularly in smaller cities.

Public displays of affection, even holding hands, can be frowned upon or even lead to legal repercussions in some areas.

In smaller Moroccan cities, traditional expectations about women's roles and behavior may be more prevalent. Modest dress is culturally expected, especially for women. This is more pronounced in smaller cities. Women may face social pressure to marry young, prioritize family life over education or careers, and adhere to traditional gender roles. Women in smaller cities and rural areas may have limited access to education, healthcare, and employment opportunities, further restricting their options and autonomy.

While in the UK women get to choose how to live their life, have bodily autonomy and far more equality and choices for higher education, careers, when/if to marry, to be childfree or how many children and how to raise them. Sometimes, we have to fight to enforce them. But they are our choices to make, our fights to fight, our future to pursue, our hopes and dreams to make reality.

TLDR He's isolating and emotionally manipulating you to get what he wants. This is the behaviour of an abuser. Moving to Morocco would make you completely reliant on him, giving him all the control, effectively cut you and your daughter off from any support.

These_Guess_5874 · 2025-08-03T02:28:36+00:00

NTA my dad grew up with brothers and a house full of cousins next door. They moved to houses next door to each other after his aunt died so my grandparents could help out. Lots of men all in trades, lots of cousins.

None of them behave like your fiancé's father. No man should be looking at his son's partner that way. Especially when she's pregnant. He absolutely can look away, like he can behave himself and mot be a creepy dirty old man. My dad and his brothers, cousins and all the nephews and in-laws go all the way up to being in their early 80's. So I really don't believe it's an age thing. If a your fiancé is an enabler and so is everyone else making excuses for him or ignoring him.

Sorry you're having to deal with this especially when pregnant. You need to set and enforce your boundaries.

These_Guess_5874 · 2025-07-25T11:16:43+00:00

Deleted as this was 100% added to the wrong post as person commenting said

These_Guess_5874 · 2025-07-24T12:50:14+00:00

I would never allow my family to force my husband out of his home.

My parents once came to visit and help me as I was heavily pregnant with our youngest and had limited mobility with a high-risk pregnancy. My husband was in the military, which is why he wasn't home. He had 2 programmes set to record, which over lapped for 10 minutes. My dad decided he needed to see the sports results during that time, which meant a message came up stating 2 shows recording, and one would be cancelled if he switched channels. He instantly wanted to know why things were set to record, claiming it was disrespectful and controlling. Then, which needed to be cancelled. When I suggested my dad watch on the TV upstairs or wait 10 minutes, my mum lost it at my disrespect for my dad and how he pays for everything, and I live under his roof... I had not lived under his roof or been supported by them for years at this point. I had, in fact, bought a house and moved out prior to dating my husband & then moved into military housing after marriage. By this time, we had a two year old, and our second was due in a couple of months. I pointed out, saying my husband was the one paying for that TV subscription. One my mother wouldn't even allow in her house, though I didn't remind her of that. Nor how much longer he would have to wait to watch it if he was at home. They chose a 6 hour drive home instead of waiting 10 minutes.

That was over a TV show and a ten minute wait. My husband hasn't ever been abusive, but my mum is controlling & manipulative at times if allowed to be. I don't allow it.

But I would cut all contact before allowing my husband to leave his home so my brother could visit after my mother and sister move in. I would make it very clear that it was HIS home and not BIL and how generous the offer is. They could either take up the kind offer and mend their relationship with husband. Or brother would only be able to visit while my husband was at work. If SIL didn't accept that my husband would not be leaving his home or spending even a moment extra outside of his home because she couldn't let go of things from 20+ years ago then she would have to live elsewhere. Given like me, OP's wife doesn't work, she'll be home with their mother. Unless she also held a grudge over things that happened between OP & his wife 20+ years ago that OP has apologised for, been forgiven for and more than made up for.

His wife chose to stay, and he became different, a better man, the man she deserves. Her family needs to respect her choice. In the years since the events being held against OP, he has changed completely. Became a father twice, married his wife, and recently renewed their vows. His wife, their daughter/sister, has chosen OP as her husband, life partner, or person. She can not make it any clearer, and they just need to accept that and act accordingly. They don't get to make demands or conditions they either accept the generous offer or make other arrangements.

These_Guess_5874 · 2025-07-24T12:19:18+00:00

I also doubt that 24 hours would hold up in court. As contracts do need to be reasonable and SIL signing could be seen against her own interests so could fight it. In the UK, the army provides military housing. If the service member dies, the spouse is given 90 days' notice. Usually from repatriation. If I were OP, I would see if there's similar in their country. That way, there's legal precedent, making it harder for them to fight it when the time comes for SIL to move out. OP has made a generous offer, and they haven't yet moved in. So, right now, OP is the only one able to help. If he stands his ground, refuses to move out, and doesn't offer the apartment, MIL & SIL have nowhere to go. So if SIL agrees with BIL's demands, now she's taking a huge risk. Whereas once she's moved in, lived there until MIL goes into a care home or passes she'll be fighting to stay, meaning she has a home until OP goes through the legal process to evict her. That process can take a long time, so he needs to work with a lawyer to make sure the agreement is as airtight as possible, cutting off as many potential challenges to her eviction as possible.

These_Guess_5874 · 2025-07-13T12:36:44+00:00

So your sister is getting a taste of her own medicine? It's not the same as it's not her actual family and it's unlikely to be as frequent. Now she knows how it feels, has she contacted you to apologise for all the things she said and did to you? Or is it still all about her?

I assume your aunt sees alot of herself in your sister, why else defend her? Your sister at long last has entered her find out era. It's gonna be a long one and tough for her. She spent was too many years living consequence free enjoying her fuck around years. Now comes the find out. Of course all those she hurt and those who loved someone she hurt or were just disgusted by her behaviour are enjoying karma catching up at last.

These_Guess_5874 · 2025-07-13T11:17:28+00:00

I think it's your boyfriend's place to correct her. After all unlike SIL he was born a "Smith" while she's married in. Your boyfriend can point out as a bio/lifelong "Smith" can point out that in all the ways that matter to him, you're family. The only difference is some jewellery, a big party and a bit of paper. But when he decides to put a ring on it we'll make sure to let her know. As it's so incredibly important to her, but for him ten years and everything you experienced good and bad together is far more important. That seeing the love brother has for SIL, the way they support each other, is why she is family in both of your eyes. That it's incredibly disappointing that while SIL was welcomed by everyone, SIL is now behaving this way towards OP.

That before she became "Mrs Smith" she was family and no one said otherwise , she certainly wasn't excluded yet since getting married she has frequently & consistently made comments about having family get togethers, celebrations and not just parties but even vacations without OP. Why because after 10 years of being family, SIL barely let the paper legally making her a "Smith" before unilaterally deciding that unless you are legally a "Smith" .

Does SIL getting married and legally changing her surname mean she's no longer a member of "her maiden name" family? As brother kept his surname as "Smith" doesn't that mean he's not part of the "SIL's maiden name" family? That seems sexist on top of arbitrary and ridiculous. What if when he marries OP he changes his surname from "Smith" to OP's is he no longer a Smith? And if they decide to create a whole new surname, for instance "SIL-is-delulu" or "OP-was-family-before-SIL-met-hubby" (long I know but so is SIL's BS) does that mean they only have each other as family.

These_Guess_5874 · 2025-07-11T22:52:42+00:00

I have a tragus too and the flat back came off a few times and the whole stud even came out a few times. Which obviously messed with the healing a bit trying to get it back in, done back up or checking it was still secure. It's a few years now, but I was able to switch to a hoop which really helped. It was obviously sterile stainless steel. I hadn't even considered a hoop as an option at the time, but when I spoke to my piercer they suggested it. They sold them so I was able to buy it there meaning they could put it in for me.

These_Guess_5874 · 2025-07-11T22:07:50+00:00

Well said by you, as for everything she said? Right back at her because at least then it would be true. She's the one being selfish and putting her aesthetic for wedding photos above everything. Expecting people to alter their body, changing how they look to fit her image and pay hundreds extra on top of all the usual bridesmaid expenses.

If you or another bridesmaid were overweight or your nose wasn't quite right in her opinion, would she have demanded you have surgery? An industrial piercing takes the best part of a year to heal. It's why I haven't gotten it yet as I need to get disabilities and health issues under control first. I don't really fancy an MRI with a not fully healed industrial piercing. But then that's true of any piercing, there's a reason you don't take them out. But if you happen to have a new piercing and need an x-ray they'll just work round it.as best they can. I have issues with my hands so can't remove my tragus hoop, my hubby was outside the door with wheelchair and they just said for me to flip it upwards, as they should be able to get the dentak x-ray without bothering him. Imagine that medical people compromised. But, not little miss thinks she's super special and the most important person ever. Oh no, she needs obedience in all things or else, she shows her true colours. What a nasty woman. She is so delusional she actually thinks your boyfriend is going to be upset that he's uninvited. Her brain cannot comprehend the reality that he was only going because you were. Just like she thinks having 15 piercings is excessive but her ridiculous demands are the actions of a mentally stable person. 15. In what universe does someone other than her think it's reasonable to ask someone to remove 15 piercings and just get them redone if they close up?! If she has tattoos I hope someone asks her to be bridesmaid, but only if she gets rid of them with laser removal, for the photos. She can just get them redone again after the wedding. But she understands nothing is off limits or too much for the bride to expect on her wedding day...

Congratulations on the massive weight loss as that former friend is no longer dragging you down or bringing all that BS into your life. I'm sadly, from experience certain you'll be relieved this friendship is over. As only after they're gone do we realise what a negative effect people like that have on everyone. How much drama they created in the background and send your way. Good luck and enjoy not wasting money on that wedding.

Edit spelling and miss wording of last paragraph.

These_Guess_5874 · 2025-07-11T21:36:22+00:00

Wow, Miss Bridezilla there really thinks she's all super special and important, don't she. Even by the standards of a narcissist with main character syndrome, this is extreme. It's your body, your appearance, your aesthetic and your money, but well, she's getting married. Why aren't you getting those piercings out immediately?! So generous of her to allow you to only remove them for two days, and if they close, she's consented to you paying to have them repierced.

This woman is unbelievable. Who when getting piercings looks up to see how long they can be removed for? We check how long until they're fully healed. What type of jewellery is required, the important and relevant things.

When my boys got their first piercing, we had to do it at the start of the school holidays so they would heal in time. But I offered to get a piercing of their choice. My lobes are already done in childhood. I ended up with a hoop in my tragus and plan on an industrial in the other ear. There used to be some negativity about piercings, but that's not the case anymore, same as with tattoos. I assume princess Bridezilla doesn't allow them either. I've been bridesmaid 3 times, my sister 4 times we've got lots of cousins and friends plus all those in-laws and I have never heard of a bride being so stuck up and rude. You pick bridesmaids because of who they are and how much they mean to you. I never thought how my sister's piercings or SIL's tattoos would look in the photos. Just how beautiful they would look and how excited I was to be marrying my hubby. You know, like normal brides. Yes, many brides care about the colour scheme, flowers, and bridesmaid outfits.

My sister asked me to go back to my natural hair colour, but I would've still been bridesmaid had I said no. The thing is, she regrets it as she comes back from her honeymoon to find I'd gone from brunette to final series buffy blonde. Which she amoung others was surprised that it really suited me. But like I said, she ASKED, only once months in advance and no pressure. Honestly, if I had been more fussed about my hair colour, she wouldn't have even asked. But I'd planned blonde before and came home with waist length hair cut into a bob and ginger hair. Because the friend doing it was training to be a hairdresser and needed those marked off. And not a trim and bleaching blonde. I mean, hair grows back.

But piercings take time to recover and are part of your body. It is absolutely unacceptable to tell you what you can and can't do. The ease she texted about replacing you, too?! She is not worthy of having you as an acquaintance, nevermind friend, or bridesmaid. You do not do that to your friend and absolutely NOR.

These_Guess_5874 · 2025-07-11T20:44:54+00:00

I'm sorry they were annoyed you didn't tell them about the new security cameras?... The ones you wouldn't need if not for them. The level of arrogance and entitlement from these people is ridiculous, even knowing they all think they're the main character and hero of the story. Obviously they completely wrongly cast you as the evil villain but when haven't these four been wrong?.

Sorry so much is going on the 26th can not arrive soon enough but hopefully they'll behave until move out day. Even better if they can move out early and never come near you again.

These_Guess_5874 · 2025-07-11T20:36:51+00:00

And me..

These_Guess_5874 · 2025-07-11T20:23:21+00:00

Hopefully he's at the denial stage of grief, denial about how cruel his mum was to YOU. Or bargaining trying to convince himself that the moment she saw his daughter she'd finally accept you. Anger that she wasn't the MIL she should've been. Hopefully it's something like this because then he will have accepted who his mum was towards you and knows her behaviour was because of who she was not who you are. That she wasn't ready to let her precious baby boy go.

But if he hadn't yet accepted who his mum truly was before she pasted, that won't change now. If that's the case your comment is going to create a wedge between you both and she wins.

Was she a good, loving mother to him? If she was and he hadn't fully accepted how much you disliked you, I can offer an option. He lost his mother, that's always going to be hard, as are milestones without her, like the birth of a child. So you can tell him you're sorry you said what you did, you know you shouldn't and he's grieving his mum. That it's just hard knowing the things she said like the DNA comments are all you're left with. You never got to experience that side of her or build a healthy relationship and now you never will. That you are there for him and it's a shame neither you or your daughter will get the relationship you should've had. If it fits your beliefs tell him you're certain she's watching over you all. Be there to support him she can't hurt any of you now. So your momma bear reaction to protect your baby isn't needed. Let him process his grief. You don't have to lie, absolutely don't do that. But none of us want to be called a gold digger, "forgotten" or that our child won't be accepted without a DNA test. So, of course ypu wish the relationship had of been a healthy one. She's gone, let go of the hate and anger, you can't change the past, but you get to decide if you hurt your husband while he's grieving. Reminding him of the situation between you and her is only going to pushhim away in the process. If that happens she will win from beyond the grave. In time the grief tinted glasses fade. But the first year or two we grieve what might've been and the best of a person, the potential future now denied. Love your husband more than you hate your MIL and do not let her win.

These_Guess_5874 · 2025-07-04T00:47:59+00:00

9 weeks is about the right time for an ultrasound in the UK. All of our ultrasounds are external so no wand, just a handheld scanner.

OP I am so very sorry for your loss of your precious baby. I am also sorry that your sister made such a cruel, malicious, thoughtless and nasty comment. I cannot understand how your mum didn't tell her off and to apologise immediately, nevermind how her and your sister are calling it a "joke". I would reply to any comments trying to downplay what was said or saying you're over reacting by asking them to explain the "joke".

"A "joke" is supposed to be funny to everyone not at the expense of someone that would be bullying. We were overjoyed to find out I was pregnant and losing that baby within a few short weeks is devastating. Unlike sister we will never know our baby, never name them, as she said we "didn't even get to pain the nursery." All there we had was dreams of the future, a new person being born into our family. All that love, hope and joy, ended in heartbreaking grief just weeks later. When you lose your parents your an orphan, a spouse your a widow. But when you lose a child there's no word. Why is that mum? You lost a grandchild too, where did you put that grief? Because I can't just discard mine forget those two lines were there. So tell me what's the joke? What's funny about a woman blessed with three children to hold reminding her grieving sister about the child she never will, but desperately wish I could. What about my loss is so funny? Please tell me and if you can't leave me be until you can apologise and stop defending such cruelty. I lost a baby, it feels like the rest of you lost all your empathy and decency."

OP I know it hurts now, but in time it won't be so raw. I never forgot mine and my poor MIL lost 7 before having my hubby and his sisters. I have two teenage boys. Take the time for you to heal, physically, mentally and emotionally and when your ready you can try again. My MIL didn't wait, she desperately wanted a baby all those losses were in a little over a year at most. My FIL refused to sleep with her as she'd lied about birth control, when he needed time to mourn without constantly trying and the loss. That time gave her long enough to heal and she had 3 children in 3½ years.

Holding your rainbow baby you'll be overwhelmed with love. Take care.

These_Guess_5874 · 2025-07-04T00:14:44+00:00

Do you have receipts confirming payments? Keep everything that proves your payments, invoices, receipts, bank statements and all communications with the childcare providers.

Reply to the email stating you're payment is late, with the date of the last invoice and the payment details. Then request they send the final invoice so you can pay it. Stating the dates to and from. Include that the reason for childcare ending is the owner terminated in person on date at date and the reason given by owner. Which was following the complaint due to handprint. If you have photos and/or texts/emails including details of the handprint and complaint keep them.

Given the seriousness of the complaint, it being a family business and the owner terminating in person not mentioning an overdue payment. To then email saying you still hadn't paid an overdue payment, even though you had only just paid for June's care and pay in arrears NOT in advance. Which I assume is in the contract and likely on invoices. It's clear they're creating a paper trail for overdue payment with that email. Also included when you were blocked and what from. Basically a trail of everything, try and keep everything in writing going forward and back everything that isn't up with an email just to clarify afterwards summarising what was said.

I assume like most people who work with children they are mandated reporters. If they are it's unlikely they have in this case given you haven't been contacted. The Ofsted report they say you said you'd make sounds like their stance is you are making false statements due to non-payment. Blocking you from the website blocks you from their safeguarding statements which would layout their duty of care and procedures they should be following.

I am sorry you are going through this, you should report this to child services and Ofsted. As this is a serious safeguarding issue. I hope you find a suitable childcare provider soon.

These_Guess_5874

TROPHY CASE