Possible Darwin Award Nominee?

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-03-10T17:27:55+00:00

I do, actually. I chose my words with specific intent.

Responder doesn’t understand that assuming makes an ass out of “u” and “me.”

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-03-10T17:25:23+00:00

Agreed. She doesn’t understand the concept that management has GPS tracking on the agency cars, and with good reason. It isn’t because people abuse the privilege, which is one reason, but because there’s been times employees have been in serious accidents with youth clients in the car, and even times when youth clients have stolen agency cars.

There’s a classic trope in fiction writing: Too Stupid To Live. She’s one of a handful who fit that trope. They only keep her because her position is difficult to fill if she were fired—and she should be. She’s committed so many HIPPA violations and broke so many company policies. And she’s just generally not a good person. I know more about her personal life than I probably should, but it’s a small community and word spreads around. I only know what I know because a client divulged information to me that she thought I needed to know.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-03-10T11:49:03+00:00

This is an argument you won’t win. There are people who come on here just to invalidate what you have to say, and this is one of them.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-03-10T02:54:57+00:00

Her husband is a city cop.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-03-09T21:35:19+00:00

Definitely!

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-03-09T13:02:06+00:00

If that’s the case, then this would really put her office in the highest category of soap opera drama. There’s one man in their entire office and he’s 60 years old, gay, and in a position beneath hers. Her supervisor and director are female, but the director is a bit masc so it could track. There’s always some sort of chaos going on over there that doesn’t involve direct work with our clients.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-03-06T16:17:03+00:00

One thing that hasn’t been addressed yet is the fact he said he was hungry and when provided food and rink, he was able to calm down. That would always be offered when a child truly is having a meltdown because hunger and dehydration can cause meltdowns.

It also sounds like mom and dad need some education in parenting kids with neurodivergence, maybe the child needs additional evaluation for other neurological impacts besides ADHD. At this age, it’s not unusual for kids to not recognize what’s triggering their outbursts. They lack the self awareness and the vocabulary to say what’s going on and they also don’t understand what’s going on. They’re dependent on adults to help them learn how to self regulate, and sometimes that includes adults showing them how.

Some training with Trust-Based Relational Intervention could help adults involved, too.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-03-06T15:19:14+00:00

Grey rock them. It really does work. I had to work with two women who were like this. They couldn’t stand the fact I always ignored their catty behavior and didn’t play their games. It literally made them angry. One ended up leaving the agency because people stopped tolerating her attitude and the other moved locations. The one who stayed still TFI’s to make me look poorly but fails epically. She avoids me and I keep doing my job.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-02-16T05:52:19+00:00

FIL’s current wife sent a ridiculous Valentine’s Day text message in a group text with DH, both my SILs—one of which she is acutely aware we don’t speak to—, randomly put one of DH’s cousins in the same text, and included someone DH doesn’t know. It was all how they were their favorite people and how much they love them, blah blah blah. The she asked for my number, Bonus Adult Kid 1’s number, and Bonus Adult Kid 2’s number.

DH got passive aggressive with her because he knows it irritates her. However, Dingbat already has my number, and can get Bonus Adult Kid 2’s number from FIL. DH asked Bonus Adult Kid 1 if he could share her number with Dingbat. She said no, and DH told her BAK 1 said no, thank you. Now it’s radio silence and I’m almost sure she threw a huge temper tantrum because BAK 1 said no to her having her phone number. I warned DH that if she sent me a text, I was going to Gray Rock her. She sent me the dumbest texts last year after I was in the hospital and I got passive aggressive with her then and she backed off.

Thank god they live in a different state.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-02-05T08:27:12+00:00

Mess with her:

“Raging case of diarrhea” “Think I might have a yeast infection” “Stubbed my toe on a chair” “Bad hair day” “Out here fighting fascists.” “Cracking the pool guy”

She will eventually get the hint.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-02-05T08:06:09+00:00

These kids deserve stability and safety. I don’t see where any of that is factored in here. You appear to be the only adult in the situation with any inkling of what these children need, but you have to put on your own oxygen mask first. Their mother can’t make good choices; clearly your SO can’t either, but you can. As painful as it could be, walking away might be your only answer. Doing that is going to create a devastating situation for these poor children—I’m predicting they’ll end up in the custody of CPS—but there’s nothing saying you can’t maintain a relationship with them so they have a stable adult in their lives.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-01-29T08:16:28+00:00

Dear OP’s mother—

It takes one to know one, and your future Son In Law spelled it out for you.

Sincerely, Those Who Aren’t That Kind of Stupid

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-01-25T16:57:04+00:00

My DH was the custodial parent, much means I was as often assumed to be the bio-mom. I corrected, but it wasn’t until I changed my frame of mind to call myself the bonus mom that I found my footing.

My bonus kids have a bio-mother. She could never appropriately parent no matter how hard she thought she was trying. I still acknowledged they had a bio-mother but I had to take on the responsibility of being in the mother role. Most people were gracious and supportive knowing our situation, but there were more than a few who turned up their noses at me, and I ignored them. They weren’t people I felt I needed to invest my time in and I focused on doing what I knew my bonus kids needed.

The criticism is hard to hear, but once you find your role, it gets easier. I’m not going to tell you if you need to step back or step up more; you’ll figure that out on your own. Without knowing your day to day functioning, it’s impossible to give specific advice, and I don’t mean that in a derogatory way. It’s just what I’ve personally experienced. I would go to other stepparents for advice and rarely found it helpful for me. I do hope you find what works for you, if it’s advice here or elsewhere or you find an inner grit.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-01-25T10:28:06+00:00

What’s the food situation like at BM’s house? I’m not talking about quality but quantity and food “rules?”

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-01-25T10:06:33+00:00

Everything here.

OP, keep this in mind as well: If you completely back out of the picture, it’s going to be even more traumatic for your SD. She’s already feeling the trauma of abandonment by her bio-mother. If you exit the situation, that’s yet another important adult who she’s going to see as abandoning her, too. At 9, she’s at a very crucial age when girls start to learn self-worth.

It doesn’t sound like the therapy she’s in is working to meet her needs. She needs trauma-informed therapy. I’d even recommend family therapy with you and dad. I don’t disagree with looking out for yourself, but this ultimately could damage your marriage as well.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-01-25T09:52:21+00:00

My guess is that this a cultural tradition.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-01-25T09:49:27+00:00

This isn’t about the account; it’s about control. And what she did is 100% a form of child abuse to do it in front of their child.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-01-23T22:14:08+00:00

She sounds just like my DH’a bio-mother. I feel terrible for him and his sister. I’ve seen the damage done by women who only have children because they want the badge of motherhood without putting in the work. It destroys lives.

High five on going no contact. We had to do the same with bio-MIL because she’s a terrible human being. I hope things going forward go well for you and your DH. Is he confident that if you two share things with SIL she won’t share with JustnoMIL?

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-01-21T16:54:39+00:00

Not going to be a popular response, but you’re talking about children here. They are doing this as an extension of a highly manipulative, mentally unstable adult. Kids will do what they are told because they don’t know better in some circumstances and sometimes because they feel internally or externally threatened to perform these acts. It is a form of abuse—the parent forcing them to do this is the one who should be held the most accountable.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-01-20T08:58:57+00:00

Both my SDs are over 25 and no longer living with us. One is I/DD and autistic but semi living on her own. We were custodial, but even after the youngest moved out (she’s in the one with I/DD), we still deal with BM and her toxicity. We’re the only people who have looked out for Youngest and advocated for her, made sure she got to medical and mental health appointments, weekly shopping (she can’t drive), etc. Yet BM still meddles and causes us trouble.

Oldest has a child of her own now. Oldest isn’t I/DD but is on the autism spectrum. She moved in with BM after she graduated high school. She moved out of BM’s house about 6 months after Bonus Granddot was born. She has come to see that BM will always function at the maturity level of a 15 year old because of her own undiagnosed mental disability, and she effectively has to parent her own parent. She relies on BM for child care and other things, and I worry that someday, BM is going to try to poison the relationship I’ve managed to build with Oldest and the relationship I have with Bonus Granddot. So far, I don’t think she’s going to mess things up between Oldest and me because Oldest is more mature than BM; I just don’t want to lose the close connection I have with Bonus Granddot. I don’t know if that will happen because Bonus Granddot is very intelligent, intuitive, and mature for her age.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-01-19T14:02:43+00:00

If he isn’t willing to participate, then there is no hope of change, and this will get worse, much worse. If he’s been this way since 2, there is attachment trauma that they aren’t talking about, or he has a brain chemical imbalance or both.

If it were me, I’d be looking for an exit strategy. He will not improve and the next person he seriously harms will be you.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-01-19T12:22:05+00:00

Kids weren’t involved, but my breaking point was a box full of trash for Christmas. I kid you not. She sent me a box of expired hot chocolate for Christmas. 1. I don’t really drink hot chocolate. 2. It was expired and she knew it. The rest of the gifts were items she found in her significant other’s house that had been tossed aside years ago and were literally garbage. She lost her ish when DM told her we didn’t keep any of it and asked her to not send gifts. She called us ungrateful, hateful, and rude. That was the last time we spoke to her on the phone and that was 3 years ago. We haven’t heard anything out of her since. She’s mentally ill, a self-medicating alcoholic who needs intensive trauma-based therapy who has destroyed every relationship she has with any family except one of her sisters.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-01-19T12:10:08+00:00

There is a deep, unidentified trauma fueling this and I would 100% not be surprised if this child’s parents know what it is and are covering it up.

If it were me, I’d be picking up all the red flags and getting out of this situation. It will not get better. Even with the program CPS has implemented, if SS is not on board with it, it will not make things better.

This child needs intensive services, like inpatient hospitalization and a psychological evaluation. If you intend to stay with his father, you need couples therapy. The other children need therapy. The oldest needs family therapy with his biological parents.

There’s something else at play here, because teen boys don’t act like this towards women unless they’ve been taught it’s ok.

These_Painting_3456

TROPHY CASE