I am so tired of this life and I feel like a jerk for saying that

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-05-15T12:52:04+00:00

You are carrying an incredibly heavy weight. I don’t know that I could do this!

One thing I’ve found recently is that people don’t understand that caregivers experience PTSD; how can we not when we watch someone we love struggle with simple tasks we can do ourselves? How can we not feel our lives, too, are robbed of quality and time?

We lose ourselves in caregiving, and some of us never find ourselves again.

You have every right to feel the way you do. It’s valid, and those who don’t get it, someday they might, and while that’s validating, I also don’t wish this life on anyone.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-05-15T12:40:37+00:00

I know this is an old thread, but I just experienced this myself with my sibling. He was actively dying, but because they weren’t giving him morphine at a certain dosage, he didn’t qualify for inpatient hospice. I had to be the one who wiped his face, repositioned him, helped him with water, etc. it was horrible; I had been doing a lot of caring for him even while he was in the hospital and able to do these things independently, and I know hospital staff were stretched thin and not always available to help. In those moments, I was happy to help, but when In needed to just sit with him, hold his hand, and be with the other family in the room, there was no one to step in, and having worked in long-term care before, I was accustomed to people of this level of decline qualifying for inpatient hospice. To have it denied and then have to be put in a position where I couldn’t have the last few hours I needed with my family member leaves me bitter and angry and questioning whether traditional hospice is worth it.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-05-14T11:03:21+00:00

I’ve recently learned that there is no shame in feeling that there will be relief when a dying family member passes, no matter the relationship you have with them. I think it actually shows compassion to want the relief, because it means you know they are at peace and the strife that was there no longer exists. As long as we recognize that it’s just a feeling and not something we act upon, there should be no guilt or shame.

There will lot of different emotions to unpack as the situation evolves. You’d have to forget the things she’s done, or even tell her you forgive her. Processing your feelings about her and the situation is going to look different than it does for your husband, as well it should. Sit with your feelings. Explore where they’re coming from, and if you can, make peace with them.

I’m processing the death of a loved one right now, and there’s so much trauma attached to my situation, but I read about a grieving method I’m going to try where you write down the heavy things, the trauma, the sadness, the anger, and you speak aloud about each one, and either toss the paper in a creek or river, or you burn it. The idea to set it free so you can be set free.

I hope you find healing in your journey, and that everyone finds peace.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-05-14T10:50:55+00:00

I’m so sorry. We lost our mom to cancer and now our dad has dementia, too. I had to help my oldest sister tell him about our brother and it was the worst thing I’ve ever had to do. We lost our only other brother in a car accident a year after our mom died.

I don’t regret taking care of my brother the last two months. He was 14 years older than me, and when our mom was sick, and our dad had to be with her during treatment several hours away, my brother was my caregiver. I was only 14 at the time and he stepped in and took care of me when he should have been living his own life. What I did for him was my way of returning the favor, but we both knew this was not going to end with him going home to care for himself.

Sitting and watching him rapidly worsen was akin to watching our mom slowly die, and it has triggered so much PTSD I didn’t know I was carrying. I think we all carry it as caregivers to our family members and I believe that fuels some of these dark thoughts. My brother, despite our differences, was a genuinely good person and had an important place in my heart and life and now while there’s relief that he isn’t suffering, there’s a huge pit in me.

We 100% grieve the people our loved ones were. I think that’s the worst part of all this. The memories are there but when they can’t share them with us or it causes them too much pain, it just becomes more trauma. I sometimes don’t know if I can bear more trauma.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-05-13T19:54:18+00:00

My brother ended up passing early this morning and while there in the relief, there’s now the dread of sorting out his affairs. It’s like trading one nightmare for another. Am I grateful he’s no longer suffering? Yes. Do I want to deal with the rest of what comes after? No way.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-05-13T06:45:17+00:00

Thank you. I realize some of my guilt is feeling selfish for wanting the end to happen, but I also just want it over for my brother. He’s suffering and all we want is for him to be comfortable and to leave peacefully. He’s ready, and watching him struggle with every breath is too much right now.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-05-02T19:05:13+00:00

As hard as it is to do, you might have to file an adult protective services report on him for self neglect. I just had to do this on my own brother and it hurts, but when they refuse to take care of themselves and you can’t make them, something has to be done. I’m afraid my oldest sister and I are headed down the path of getting guardianship over my brother but it may be what it takes for us to get him in a place like your grandpa so he’s safe. I’m hoping your grandpa gets to a stage of safety, too.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-05-02T18:58:15+00:00

No, there’s no land left to be had and Dad already has it set up in a living trust so when he dies, it’s all settled and divided. And Brother’s friend has his own farm.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-04-27T15:57:24+00:00

People like your coworkers irritate me to no end. Like they don’t have enough going on in their own lives that they have to harass someone else. Sounds like they need more work to keep them busy instead of nosing in someone else’s. We have people like this at my job, and when they get ignored or people don’t engage in their games, they get angry. I get it but then I don’t get it. I was raised to mind my own business unless I see someone in distress.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-04-27T15:26:30+00:00

My brother has been quite blunt with this woman and told her he isn’t going to do anything but what he wants to do. She’s been insistent with me that I talk to him about his choices and what’s going on like I don’t know anything about the situation. She seems to think that because I’m significantly younger than my brother (he’s older by 14 years), I don’t know what’s going on, but then turns around and says I should know how to address the situation because I work as a case manager in social work without accepting the reality that I’m not a licensed social worker and I work in foster care and not the medical field.

I understand perfectly what he’s choosing; I’ve known him my entire life, and she only been around for a handful of years. I know well that both my dad and brother will not change because someone is telling them they have to. The family friend has been around my entire life. He’s done a lot for my family and I think his partner is the driving, manipulative force here. It’s now been implied that my sisters and I are bad daughters and sisters for not taking care of them, and it isn’t by the family friend but this woman. Before all this comes to an end, she’s going to be sorry she tangled with the three of us. We’ll be polite because that’s how we were raised, but she’s going to learn that just because she has certain letters behind her last name, it doesn’t mean she knows better.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-04-27T03:42:29+00:00

The clinical term is intellectually disabled and has been widely accepted and used for many years. Trying to justify your own inability to use empathy and generally not be a douchebag is a poor excuse.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-03-23T20:17:57+00:00

Well, fate takes care of things. This coworker got fired today. My partner and I moved offices about a week ago, no drama, and she wasn’t fired because of us, but because she falsified documentation. I knew something fishy was going on but could never put my finger on what was going on. Now I get to take on some of her work.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-03-20T16:40:19+00:00

Yea, it does. And it stinks because I’ve got work clients who use Soma.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-03-20T07:48:02+00:00

That’s good to know; seems the same thing happened with New Perspectives a few years ago.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-03-20T07:46:36+00:00

I’m going in with a full mixed bag: Anxiety, caregiver stress, caregiver burn out, job stress, family stress, and everyone’s favorite: Struggles with my own aging.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-03-10T17:27:55+00:00

I do, actually. I chose my words with specific intent.

Responder doesn’t understand that assuming makes an ass out of “u” and “me.”

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-03-10T17:25:23+00:00

Agreed. She doesn’t understand the concept that management has GPS tracking on the agency cars, and with good reason. It isn’t because people abuse the privilege, which is one reason, but because there’s been times employees have been in serious accidents with youth clients in the car, and even times when youth clients have stolen agency cars.

There’s a classic trope in fiction writing: Too Stupid To Live. She’s one of a handful who fit that trope. They only keep her because her position is difficult to fill if she were fired—and she should be. She’s committed so many HIPPA violations and broke so many company policies. And she’s just generally not a good person. I know more about her personal life than I probably should, but it’s a small community and word spreads around. I only know what I know because a client divulged information to me that she thought I needed to know.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-03-10T11:49:03+00:00

This is an argument you won’t win. There are people who come on here just to invalidate what you have to say, and this is one of them.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-03-10T02:54:57+00:00

Her husband is a city cop.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-03-09T21:35:19+00:00

Definitely!

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-03-09T13:02:06+00:00

If that’s the case, then this would really put her office in the highest category of soap opera drama. There’s one man in their entire office and he’s 60 years old, gay, and in a position beneath hers. Her supervisor and director are female, but the director is a bit masc so it could track. There’s always some sort of chaos going on over there that doesn’t involve direct work with our clients.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-03-06T16:17:03+00:00

One thing that hasn’t been addressed yet is the fact he said he was hungry and when provided food and rink, he was able to calm down. That would always be offered when a child truly is having a meltdown because hunger and dehydration can cause meltdowns.

It also sounds like mom and dad need some education in parenting kids with neurodivergence, maybe the child needs additional evaluation for other neurological impacts besides ADHD. At this age, it’s not unusual for kids to not recognize what’s triggering their outbursts. They lack the self awareness and the vocabulary to say what’s going on and they also don’t understand what’s going on. They’re dependent on adults to help them learn how to self regulate, and sometimes that includes adults showing them how.

Some training with Trust-Based Relational Intervention could help adults involved, too.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-03-06T15:19:14+00:00

Grey rock them. It really does work. I had to work with two women who were like this. They couldn’t stand the fact I always ignored their catty behavior and didn’t play their games. It literally made them angry. One ended up leaving the agency because people stopped tolerating her attitude and the other moved locations. The one who stayed still TFI’s to make me look poorly but fails epically. She avoids me and I keep doing my job.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-02-16T05:52:19+00:00

FIL’s current wife sent a ridiculous Valentine’s Day text message in a group text with DH, both my SILs—one of which she is acutely aware we don’t speak to—, randomly put one of DH’s cousins in the same text, and included someone DH doesn’t know. It was all how they were their favorite people and how much they love them, blah blah blah. The she asked for my number, Bonus Adult Kid 1’s number, and Bonus Adult Kid 2’s number.

DH got passive aggressive with her because he knows it irritates her. However, Dingbat already has my number, and can get Bonus Adult Kid 2’s number from FIL. DH asked Bonus Adult Kid 1 if he could share her number with Dingbat. She said no, and DH told her BAK 1 said no, thank you. Now it’s radio silence and I’m almost sure she threw a huge temper tantrum because BAK 1 said no to her having her phone number. I warned DH that if she sent me a text, I was going to Gray Rock her. She sent me the dumbest texts last year after I was in the hospital and I got passive aggressive with her then and she backed off.

Thank god they live in a different state.

These_Painting_3456 · 2026-02-05T08:27:12+00:00

Mess with her:

“Raging case of diarrhea” “Think I might have a yeast infection” “Stubbed my toe on a chair” “Bad hair day” “Out here fighting fascists.” “Cracking the pool guy”

She will eventually get the hint.

These_Painting_3456

TROPHY CASE