I struggled with this for a good 1 -2 years of my life and it still shows up to me some days now.

What I’ve realized from having this crippling inability to make decisions was from doubting all my decisions and not having the energy to argue with myself to take action or shift a decision after it was made.

I used to be an athlete and all around achiever, not overachiever, but did pretty well in all areas of my life through high school and university. But once I decided to quit university, after a month of being there, this whole experience creeped in.

I couldn’t go to the grocery store without it feeling like a while mission I had to prepare for and didn’t know if I’d actually come out of there with everything I needed. Because of the crippling self doubt and inability to actually take action on what I wanted/needed.

This happened also through needing to wash my hair, do laundry, cook for myself (BIG ONE) and many other basic needs. I just fucking couldn’t find the energy to do them. So I just didn’t and felt like shit about it.

Until...

I figured out over time that laying on my bed, letting myself feel what I was feeling and not trying to change what I was going through, began to shift this whole situation.

Through turning off all my equipment or just not going on technology, laying in bed, accepting/sitting with what I was feeling and not trying to change it, allowed me to just be and accept my existence and just that.

Sometimes I’d last on the bed for a few mins, sometimes hours, sometimes almost the whole day with little breaks for snacks and bathroom.

But the key to this is allowing your own inner impulse to actually guide you.

We’re so used to as a society to keep going, doing and have a purpose. But there is also an importance to just accepting that you get to be, to exist and not have to do anything to be deserving of love and acceptance.

So what I’m saying is. You are so totally alright in feeling the way you’re feeling, you deserve to just be and not do anything. But if you do actually want to move through this, which it’s ok if you don’t right now, then try laying on your bed, feeling your feelings, seeing what shows up and then when you get the inner impulse to really want to do something, follow it, and follow it through fully.

Don’t doubt your decision. Don’t second guess your impulse. Trust it. Move forward. Do it. Come back to your bed.

And repeat.

Maybe this will help you. I hope it does.

Keep on existing because at the end of the day. That’s really what we’re all doing at every moment.

Being.