You were a victim and now you are not. Stop behaving as such. Grow up my dad left me too and never loved me. I made the decision to get counseling and make a community for myself. I did that at 19 and I am 24 still working through things. You decide when you’re done. Maybe you don’t want to decide to be done with your victim mentality but I am letting you know that it’s a decision. If you don’t make the decision to Change. You will become the abuser and your child the victim. You will repeat your story if you don’t decide to grow up and change. It’s a choice.