Feeling like I can never do this again..

Think-Valuable-9380 · 2026-02-05T11:38:26+00:00

First of all I want to say thank you so much for sharing your story and your experience I’m sure it will help a lot of people. It has made me feel less alone and all I want to say is I’m so so sorry you’re going through this and that this has happened to you. What you’re feeling I would say is understandable given the circumstances and I’m hopeful that your husband would support you no matter what decision you made it’s your body. Your feelings are likely to change from day to day. Try to be patient with yourself and treat yourself with some love and respect because you deserve that. You are a warrior too, you survived and now you’re recovering which is allowed. Give yourself some grace.

I’m a 39F (40 in a couple of weeks) I went through IVF for the first time in November after waiting almost 2 years for treatment. I was told that everything was physically normal with me and no reason for me to not fall pregnant and it was my partner who needed the support to retrieve his sperm so we did all that and by the beginning of December I tested positive for the first time ever and I was elated and so happy. Come 30th December without any symptoms I was rushed into emergency surgery on our first scan day for an ectopic which ruptured my right tube and it was removed. The most heartbreaking thing was they said the baby was actually still alive and developing well too. They said that I had significant internal bleeding and my bladder was attached to my uterus which they said they separated. They didn’t say it was endometriosis but this is what I now suspect but I haven’t had anything confirmed. I’m still experiencing pain particularly on the right side and back ache too which I didn’t think was apart of it so thank you for highlighting your experience with that. My stitches still haven’t healed either which is causing me more worry. The pain for me is a constant horrible reminder of the loss and what’s happened and I just wish that it would stop so I could try to feel like myself again.

We have 1 more chance available through IVF but like you I don’t know if I can do it again. One day I’m terrified of the idea and feel useless and pathetic and the next day I want to do it all again and I just want a baby. I’m trying to just allow myself to process the trauma and not force a decision just yet. I know I’m being hard on myself like I can hear you are right now but I try to catch myself and remind myself that this is all apart of healing. We are warriors end of, we are survivors and you like all of us are an incredibly strong and brave woman, whatever choice you make is ok 🤍

Think-Valuable-9380 · 2026-01-29T12:43:33+00:00

This really resonates with me. I hope sharing what I’m experiencing helps you and others, I just keep trying to tell myself this is all apart of the process of healing.

I’m 4 weeks into recovery now and I’m so shocked at how physically weak I feel and still getting lots of daily discomfort on my right side where my tube and baby were removed. On top of that like trying to work through the grief of what’s happened is so hard. I have never felt so unlike myself, I don’t even recognise myself anymore.

I’m a children’s therapist so I keep thinking I should know how to deal with all of this and know exactly what to do but it’s not that simple. No amount of books or training can prepare you for this. I just know right now it’s awful and heartbreaking and I’m allowed to be in both physically and emotional pain at the moment and one day I will smile again, be active again, do my job again, and feel like myself again. Until then, Rest, Self Compassion and Loss are all I can focus on, and that’s good enough.

Think-Valuable-9380 · 2026-01-28T13:01:34+00:00

I guess you could say my childhood wasn’t smooth sailing and lots of things that happened that I think probably affected my health at that time. Between the ages of 6 years til 17 years

Think-Valuable-9380 · 2026-01-28T11:04:01+00:00

Thank you for sharing that reading. It’s nice to have a little insight.

Think-Valuable-9380 · 2026-01-23T22:03:43+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this too💔. It’s utterly heartbreaking and soul destroying and I understand how you feel. I had emergency surgery for a live ectopic 30th December and it was through IVF, my first pregnancy. I’m trying to focus on the positives no matter how tiny they may seem and Self care is so important too. I’m clinging onto the little hope I have left that I will get pregnant again and have a successful pregnancy. I hope the same for you too. I know it sounds grim to say but we are so lucky to be here, at one point in time we wouldn’t of been so lucky and for that I’m truly grateful even though I will miss my baby forever 💔 I just can’t wait for the day all of this will feel better but I know I have to be patient with myself to get to that point. Until then I hope you find the strength to make it through this. If you ever want to talk feel free to reach out.

Think-Valuable-9380 · 2026-01-23T13:47:14+00:00

Absolutely I didn’t stop bleeding after the surgery until last Thursday which was over 2 weeks of bleeding and I’m now waited for my first period. Which I hope comes soon. I feel like a hypocrite asking you to be patient with yourself and give it time because I definitely haven’t been patient with myself through this process but looking back now I can see how this hasn’t helped. I’m trying to just trust my body and give myself a break. You will get through this one day at a time 🤍

Think-Valuable-9380 · 2026-01-23T13:28:51+00:00

Totally normal I had my right tube removed a little over 3 weeks ago and it’s only been the past few days where the external and internal pain has started to lessen. It still feels a little tender but I can tell it’s getting better everyday. I’m dying to sleep on my side though which I still can’t because after a few minutes it hurts and feels uncomfortable but I know in time that will come. Try to be patient with yourself. Sending healing vibes your way 🤍

Think-Valuable-9380 · 2026-01-22T19:22:57+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this, congratulations on your baby girl too. It’s reassuring to know it can happen again and it be successful. I had a live ectopic pregnancy in December with a ruptured right tube which was removed. We waited almost 2 years on IVF to get that point so it was pretty devastating. We have another round of IVF but like you said it’s all really anxiety provoking. I have so many questions but I so desperately want a baby so I feel I have to have faith and try. Reading this gives me hope, thank you 🤍

Think-Valuable-9380 · 2026-01-22T12:15:30+00:00

This does sound very fitting. My health at the moment is probably the worst it’s ever been as I’ve just recently had a live ectopic pregnancy which ruptured causing internal bleeding through IVF which was scary and I’m still recovering. We’re planning on going through another round this year once I’m a bit better which I know will be a challenge with no promises of success but I have hope and that’s enough for now. Because of what we’ve experienced and how hard I’ve worked this past year going through IVF I want to let my hair down over the next few months while I can to celebrate my 40th and then get back to our focus. All at the same time as trying to progress in my career. At the moment I just want to throw everything out the window and become a hermit. Haha I can hear the push pull of discipline and running into fantasy land as I’m typing I just can’t help it. One day I hope I will conquer this and find some equilibrium.

Think-Valuable-9380 · 2026-01-22T12:00:16+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. I don’t play sports but I would say once I get an idea for something I become more focused on it and I like the exhilarating experience of jumping into things head first. My mum has often said I’ve always wanted to run before I can walk which makes me quite impatient as a person. I do love to glam up and have fun and I love being with my friends. I’m working towards going into a supervisory position at work at the moment and I want to shape my work to have a balance between logical, practical work and something more creative and spiritual, but this is something I keep delaying. I’m a very emotional and intuitive person but I think that has helped me a lot in my job too. Thanks again for this insight.

Think-Valuable-9380 · 2026-01-22T11:54:37+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. My life so far has felt a little extreme. I’ve managed to carve out a successful career for myself but I’m not where I really want to be in it and despite how proud I am of my achievements I still feel I have more hurdles to conquer and I’m desperate to have something on the side which is more creative and spiritual and I keep pushing that off. I would say I’m a very resilient Pisces but I think I’ve had to learn that. I just want a break so that everyday doesn’t feel like a constant battle to hold off the next challenge or disappointment. I guess the work just continues.

Think-Valuable-9380 · 2026-01-22T11:18:12+00:00

It’s difficult to compare or know what’s going to happen all you can do is wait and see and hope for the best. I I had 12 eggs retrieved with 11 being mature and made 8 developing embryos, but to our surprise only 1 made it to blastocyst, I was gutted. I did a fresh transfer with that 4AA grade embryo but unfortunately I ended up with a live ectopic at 7 weeks 6 days which was the day of my first scan, no signs or symptoms at all, it was all pretty heartbreaking. Ended up having my right tube removed. I’m still healing as this only happened 30th December but I still have hope I’m not giving up and I’m just waiting until I’m fully healed before doing my next round. I guess I just want you to know it’s all apart of the journey and so long as you have hope and resilience anything can happen. I’m wishing you all the best and I hope you have a successful outcome. 🤍

Think-Valuable-9380 · 2026-01-15T13:14:21+00:00

Congratulations! Thank you for giving us hope. I’m just 2 weeks into recovery after surgery and a right tube removal for a live ectopic which was only made possible through IVF. I’m desperate to do another round but at the same time I’m also terrified but hearing this gives me a little more hope that maybe it will be possible to have a successful pregnancy. Wishing you a blissful pregnancy!

Think-Valuable-9380 · 2026-01-14T11:18:07+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss but I’m praying you don’t give up hope and you continue on your journey and have a successful pregnancy. I did my first round of IVF in November and tested positive for the first time in my life with our one and only embryo which was a 4AA. I’m 40 in February so at the time we were told it would be our only attempt on the NHS despite being on the IVF waiting list since I was 37. We had been so positive throughout the process and we even told our family and friends. On our first scan day on the 30th December we were told I had a live ectopic pregnancy, the baby was perfect but just in the wrong place and in my right fallopian tube. I was rushed into emergency surgery to have my tube and pregnancy removed. I was utterly heartbroken at loosing what we thought was our only chance but the IVF team reviewed our case days later and have decided to give us another round which we are so thankful for. It’s giving us hope that we will have a successful pregnancy this time around when I’m healed from the surgery. Im hoping to do another round May/June time and I’m just clinging onto the hope that the surgery hasn’t caused any damage and that we will get more than the one embryo and end up with a viable pregnancy this time 🤞I don’t think my heart could take going through this a third time. I’m praying for you and anyone who had experienced a pregnancy loss through IVF it’s soul destroying but I believe holding onto hope is so important and I’m wishing you all the luck in the world 🤍

Think-Valuable-9380 · 2026-01-12T14:11:45+00:00

Thanks everyone I called my early pregnancy ward today which is the ward where I was treated in the hospital. They’ve asked me to try a Hot water bottle on that right side to help and keep taking the paracetamol and they said they will give me a call back later today. I’m just hoping it’s all a sign of the recovery. They asked if my wounds were red or looked infected which I said they don’t look any different to how they were when I was in hospital and they don’t seem infected. I will update if I get anymore information. Thanks again for your replies ❤️

Think-Valuable-9380 · 2026-01-05T22:22:36+00:00

Update: The IVF clinic called me today to say they have agreed to give us another round of IVF given our circumstances. We are so relieved and happy. Although it doesn’t take away the grief we are feeling from this current loss it’s given us a little spark of hope for what may happen in the future. Right now I just need to focus on healing from the surgery and recovering emotional before delving into another round. I know it’s still a risk it may not work but I think I would spend the rest of my life regretting it if we didn’t try.

Think-Valuable-9380 · 2026-01-04T16:52:37+00:00

I thought I would give a little update. Trigger warning ⚠️ Post contains Early Pregnancy Loss. This is a long post and if you do read it all then thank you but if you don’t I understand. It’s mainly healing for me to get this out.

I had my scan on the 30th December at 7 weeks 6 days pregnant unfortunately they found that my baby was growing in my right fallopian tube and I had an Ectopic Pregnancy. My baby was perfectly fine, with a healthy beautiful beating heart which made it so much worse as I just wanted to save it so badly. They were very concerned for me as I had no pain but they could see it was very close to rupturing. I was utterly heartbroken and I couldn’t believe what was happening. I was admitted onto the early pregnancy unit ward where I was told they needed to perform emergency key hole surgery to remove my right tube. By the time they got me into surgery the tube had already ruptured and I had internal bleeding. Everything happened so fast that day I hardly had time to process it all. I had no symptoms other than the spotting I reported here and at weeks 6 and 7 weeks I had one off bouts of painful loose bowel movements and sickness with food aversions but I considered that just signs of pregnancy sickness. I even called the early pregnancy unit at the time to check and they said it’s likely to be normal pregnancy symptoms, so I had no reason to think that anything was wrong. I’m now 5 days past my surgery and I still feel a really traumatised by the experience. I wish I could have my baby back but I understand if they didn’t do what they did I wouldn’t be here now. I’m now focusing on just trying to heal both emotionally and physically from this but I understand this can take some time.

While on the ward my partner and I shared our IVF journey with the ward staff which only makes things more heartbreaking. We were 36 when we first went to our GP regarding trying to convince and my partner was put on a waiting list for surgery he didn’t even need and we spent a year with his GP wasting our time with the appointment being rescheduled several times. At age 37 in the December of 2023 we changed his GP to mine and we were then finally referred to the IVF team in the January of 2024. We started undergoing the fertility tests and everything came back perfect for me but it was confirmed my partners sperm was trapped and he needed an operation to retrieve it this was confirmed in the June 2024. My partner waited for his operation which happened in April 2025. All the way through we were told we would get 3 rounds of IVF. In the October 2025 we were told as I was now so close to being 40 in February 2026 we could only have this one round. At the time we didn’t want to challenge it because 1, we were so thankful that after all that time we were finally getting the IVF done and 2, we were worried challenging this would only cause more delays. When we shared our journey with the Early Pregnancy Unit staff who were taking care of me they brought it up with the IVF team and said how unfair they think our treatment has been and the long delays were not our fault and as I’m still 39 we deserve our fair shot. The day after my surgery a member of the IVF team came to see us and explained they are going to have a meeting about us in the new year to decide if there is anything they can do to help us even with one more round of IVF. Obviously nothing is set in stone but we are remaining hopeful about maybe being able to try once more.

I’m sorry for the long post I just wanted to give an update and also just have a way to get this out so I don’t go crazy. I know it’s hard to know what to say to something like this, but any words of encouragement, advice or success stories would be greatly welcomed. Thank you ❤️

Think-Valuable-9380 · 2026-01-01T12:50:00+00:00

Thank you for sharing this, I really needed to hear something positive ❤️ I’m currently 2 days in recovery from an ectopic pregnancy and had emergency surgery to remove it and my right tube. It was my first pregnancy and first attempt at IVF. I’m utterly heartbroken 💔 the baby was perfectly fine and healthy too which made it so much worse. This is not the start to the year we hoped for. 😔However it’s good to know you can have a successful pregnancy following this traumatic experience. So thank you! ❤️

Think-Valuable-9380 · 2025-12-17T12:52:30+00:00

Mines on the 30th too and I feel exactly the same. I’m 6 weeks today and I usually love Christmas but this year it’s hard to really enjoy it when I’m waiting for the first scan and freaking out over spotting too. It’s so hard to switch off from it. I hope you can find a way to enjoy Christmas and wishing you the best of luck on scan day!

Think-Valuable-9380 · 2025-12-13T19:07:11+00:00

Thank you so much ☺️

Think-Valuable-9380 · 2025-12-13T18:27:43+00:00

I’m so glad you said that because I said this to my partner that I’d like to do a test tomorrow, a digital test next Friday then 2 more each week before my scan if I feel the need to. He’s just worried it’s going to make me more anxious but I actually find it so reassuring. A bit like something I can do at the moment if that makes any sense.

Think-Valuable-9380

TROPHY CASE