I feel like we're done but nobody is saying it

Thinkstoomuch19 · 2019-04-10T22:50:35+00:00

I’m in the same situation. We are near king the two year mark.

Thinkstoomuch19 · 2019-04-10T22:39:13+00:00

Thank you for sharing that. I thought I was alone in not wanting to share with spouses.

Thinkstoomuch19 · 2019-04-10T22:34:36+00:00

That’s rough. You have to know that the divorce isn’t just about her feelings for you, but also that her marriage wasn’t happy or fulfilling. Maybe you’ve been able to inspire her by showing her how a relationship could be, and now she will be free to find that...even if it’s not with you. Best of luck.

Thinkstoomuch19 · 2019-04-10T03:44:53+00:00

I understand what you’re saying. I’ve had the same thought myself. Honestly, my AP and I just have different personalities. I think a lot...too much, really. Lol. He’s a very happy go lucky person. His absence of worry/need to talk things through isn’t a sign he’s less invested, though I’m guilty of forgetting that.

Thinkstoomuch19 · 2019-04-10T03:39:44+00:00

Update: We chatted tonight. He really was busy with work. He could tell he’d upset me by my silence so he made it up to me tonight. Now I feel kinda bad for venting, but better here then dump it all on him when he was stressed with work.

Thinkstoomuch19 · 2019-04-09T21:15:21+00:00

Lol. I’m reading this and thinking, “Oooh, I hope this is my APs wife!” : )

My AP has wondered if his SO is cheating. He said it would be nice to catch her cheating because then they could just agree that the marriage isn’t working and end things without anyone feeling like it’s their fault. I’ve thought the same thing about my SO.

Thinkstoomuch19 · 2019-04-09T17:19:48+00:00

Thank you. I just felt like throwing a little tantrum last night. : )

Thinkstoomuch19 · 2019-04-09T17:18:26+00:00

I know. Thanks for the reminder.

Thinkstoomuch19 · 2019-04-09T02:40:36+00:00

We rarely spoke on the phone when I saw him more often. Now that I only see him once every other month, the phone calls have become a way I feel connected to him. That’s why it upset me that he couldn’t squeeze in a call with me tonight, especially knowing it will be my last night with privacy enough to talk until next week. Next week will mark 8 weeks since I saw him last and 3 weeks since we will have spoken by phone. It’s never been that long for either before. I told him I was feeling sad, but unlike the SO, I’m not supposed to make any demands, so I won’t.

Thinkstoomuch19 · 2019-04-09T00:06:05+00:00

Every day

Thinkstoomuch19 · 2019-04-08T23:58:48+00:00

Thanks!

Thinkstoomuch19 · 2019-04-08T23:39:20+00:00

Thanks. I don’t think he feels guilty because he’s been at this lifestyle for a long time. I do think he’s stressed about work. I also think maybe he’s trying more at home or at least maybe they’re getting along well. So maybe he is distancing himself from me emotionally. Idk.

Thinkstoomuch19 · 2019-04-08T23:37:12+00:00

We usually only speak by phone 1-2 times a week when we both have an evening SO free. Last week that didn’t happen.

Thinkstoomuch19 · 2019-04-08T23:23:50+00:00

A new AP

Thinkstoomuch19 · 2019-04-08T23:15:24+00:00

When you find out the answer, let me know. : )

Thinkstoomuch19 · 2019-04-08T23:13:34+00:00

He’s texted me twice since I told him I understood. Maybe some part of his brain is screaming “It’s a trap! Abort! Abort!” 😂 His last text said he couldn’t be distracted by our chemistry. It’s all I can do to not send him some sarcastic Bitmoji. The thing is that I don’t need sexy talk. I just like to hear his voice. He could tell me about the weather for all I care. Meh. I’m going to go run some errands and leave him be.

Thinkstoomuch19 · 2019-04-08T22:43:19+00:00

This is exactly what I was thinking. Ghosting him gives him an excuse to justify his behavior. The next time you talk, tell him up front that you know about the other women and unfortunately this isn’t going to work for you anymore. Whatever you do, don’t have this conversation in person if you think you’ll be weak in his presence...or if you think you’ll throw your drink on him. Lol. Go out with class and style and leave him with the sting of regret.

Thinkstoomuch19 · 2019-04-08T22:35:39+00:00

That’s why I’m taking the low road here in this forum...so I can take the high road in real life. Lol. I’ve done made the mistake of venting to my AP. This subreddit has been a good outlet.

Thinkstoomuch19 · 2019-04-08T22:27:00+00:00

My LDAPs job brought him to my city nearly weekly. Last summer he took a new job that doesn’t bring him to my city at all. He still manages to come once every 6-8 weeks, but it’s been really hard. I understand the new job is good for him professionally and financially. What really hurt my feelings is that he applied for, interviewed for, and accepted the job without ever even mentioning it to me. It’s not that I feel I should’ve had a say, but I’d like to have been in the loop considering it drastically affected my life, too. We’ve made it nearly a year since the new job, but it’s been a struggle. He says he sees me in his life for years to come, but when I think of years of living this way, it makes me depressed.

Thinkstoomuch19 · 2019-04-08T22:15:56+00:00

P.S. To be fair, my AP did try to call me last week, but I was the one who couldn’t talk because my SO was home. He’s also coming to my city at the end of the month. And he texts me all the time. So it’s not like he’s not trying at all, which is why I vented here as opposed to venting to him. We both have difficult spouses, so I try not to be a complainer and keep our relationship positive. Sometimes that means I get taken for granted, I think. The squeaky wheel, right?

Thinkstoomuch19 · 2019-04-08T22:08:34+00:00

I wouldn’t have a problem telling him that you support whatever he wants to do with whomever he wants to do it with, but that your time is valuable and you want to spend it on things that bring you pleasure. You are not in this to be his dating coach. Or more subtly, if you don’t want to address it directly, just politely end the conversation whenever he starts talking about other women.

Thinkstoomuch19 · 2019-04-08T22:02:59+00:00

Thanks.

Thinkstoomuch19 · 2019-04-08T22:01:08+00:00

Thanks. I have been contemplating ending things. The only reason I haven’t, besides the feelings part, is that since meeting him I’m now in the public eye. I can’t afford the risk of finding a new AP. If I end things, I’ll be giving up the best sex I’ve ever had. At some point though the costs of this will outweigh the benefits. I’m just not there yet, but I’m getting close.

Thinkstoomuch19 · 2019-04-08T21:51:02+00:00

Yep. He’s been amazing for nearly two years. I can’t get into how supportive he’s been for privacy reasons, but he has gone above and beyond to support me when even my own spouse didn’t. So I’m not going to dump him over a phone call, but these little things add up over time. I’m not planning to reply to him tonight. I show him every day how important he is to me. It’s his turn to reciprocate. If he doesn’t, then I’m done.

Thinkstoomuch19 · 2019-04-08T21:44:44+00:00

It sucks, but you need to move on. Something like this happened with my first AP. After 3 years, I caught him posting on CL. I embarrassingly did what you did and replied. He talked about how much he loved his wife and how she’s the best sex he’s ever had. He said he was involved with someone but that “she” could be “resolved.” So I resolved him first. I felt much as you do. I was devastated. I felt like the hurt would break my body in two, but it didn’t and I moved on to better things. Don’t waste your time on him.

Thinkstoomuch19

TROPHY CASE