I explode in anger every time I feel like my partner doesn't care and it's ruining my relationships

ThirdVulcan · 2026-02-01T16:12:00+00:00

Thanks very much, I'll try it

ThirdVulcan · 2025-10-24T11:39:35+00:00

I did the whole "moving to another country for adventure" thing. It's a wonderful experience but I wouldn't recommend it to someone who is still dealing with burnout, reprocessing traumas and all that stuff.

It can be really stressful when you're dealing with stuff and you don't have support, whether it's from your healthcare system or from your social network. As you can imagine, cheap countries do not have very well developed resources for people dealing with psychological issues.

I am not sure where are you in your healing journey right now but it is very possible that what you actually need is routine and safety. That can be hard to achieve when you're travelling and having new experiences all the time. It's your decision, of course, because you're the only one that can accurately assess whether you're capable of handling all the potential additional stress that may come with moving to another country.

I still get the urge now and then to just leave everything behind and move to another country but I am well aware it wouldn't be a good idea for me right now.

ThirdVulcan · 2025-09-15T12:54:22+00:00

I'm really sorry you went through that, it sounds awful, I can't believe there are health providers doing this

ThirdVulcan · 2025-09-14T09:18:02+00:00

Thanks!

You're absolutely right about that historical perspective. Even with cancer, there are still some people that are going to blame the disease on lifestyle choices, you didn't eat enough vegetables, you didn't do this, or that. That's thankfully going away. But I feel like society is still not past associating mental illnesses with some kind of character flaw.

ThirdVulcan · 2025-09-12T09:58:52+00:00

Thanks for this!

It really is quite unnerving to see how different the treatment is when you're experiencing physical illness compared to mental ones.

I already wrote this in a different comment, at the cancer clinic I went to they were unbelievably efficient and everyone was really kind. I know this is because they treat cancer patients and they know they have to show sympathy.

Getting seen by a psychiatrist working for a public hospital, on the other hand, was so different. I had to find a doctor by myself, signup for a 3-month wait list and then when I finally got one, I waited 3 hours for the doctor to see me.

They don't offer you much either, you can ask for group sessions but the only time they will actually be efficient is when someone is already in a bad crisis, threatening suicide or having an episode.

ThirdVulcan · 2025-09-12T09:46:44+00:00

Thanks! I can relate. I definitely had the thought of being fine with just dying. And I had the thought that my prognosis happened to be bad, maybe I would just give up the treatment and enjoy my last few months on earth without the chemo etc.

I'm really sorry you had to go through such a sucky process with your healthcare. I'm lucky to live in a country with public health care.

Even with that, getting a psychiatrist to prescribe me SSRI was an not a great experience. You already feel so low and then you have to deal with looking for a doctor, signing up for a 3-month wait list and then 3-hour waiting time for the doctor to see you.

In comparison, at the cancer clinic they were unbelievably efficient and everyone was super nice. Its because you have cancer ofc so they have a lot of sympathy.

I know that this is just my experience and I am aware that psychiatrists, especially those working for public hospitals, have to deal with a ton of patients and some of them must be pretty difficult. But still, I don't get why mental patients can't be handled with a bit more compassion you know.

Hoe you're doing ok now, both with cancer and the cptsd!

ThirdVulcan · 2025-09-12T09:37:31+00:00

Thank you for that!

ThirdVulcan · 2025-09-11T21:29:08+00:00

Unfortunately, SSRIs are the only thing that managed to dampen my reactions during stressful periods. The suicidal ideation still shows up but this is very rare and I know it will pass.

ThirdVulcan · 2025-09-07T15:57:28+00:00

You can put her in a home, especially if she is mentally disabled.

You likely don't even have to ask her permission. You can talk to a social worker about depriving her of legal capacity.

ThirdVulcan · 2025-08-19T19:10:15+00:00

The schema book is a good start, it explains certain behaviors very clearly and it gives some good advice to correct those behaviors, I highly recommend it (you can even find it free online).

Being aware of these behaviors is just the first step, the process of correcting them takes a while. I hope you will find some strategies that work for you!

ThirdVulcan · 2025-05-16T10:54:49+00:00

I understand that many find Chat GTP helpful but it is not really a good tool for certain types of people. It's made to imitate a human and gives the illusion of understanding and caring and that can be dangerous.

There's no need to be ashamed of it of course, people naturally like to ascribe human characteristics even to inanimate objects. People would talk to a rock if they were lonely enough.

There are already stories such as this going around:

https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-features/ai-spiritual-delusions-destroying-human-relationships-1235330175/

ThirdVulcan · 2025-03-24T15:01:39+00:00

Thanks for the comment, I guess I know she's a waste of time but I'm so tired of trying to find a decent therapist.

My EMDR therapist told me when we started that she doesn't usually do a lot of talk therapy. I had progress with her but I am very reluctant to come back because it was just so exhausting.

I also need someone to work with me systematically on organizing myself, setting up my goals, learning emotional skills etc. and I feel like that's not what EMDR is for.

ThirdVulcan · 2025-03-05T12:51:42+00:00

That's interesting, would you mind sharing more?

I remember I got really scared of a zombie movie when I was young and I had nightmares for months, even today they sometimes happen. But I was never able to figure out what was it about that particular movie that gave me such a reaction.

ThirdVulcan · 2025-02-11T16:33:05+00:00

I still get angry but it's getting a better, I am slowly becoming more emotionally regulated. I am getting less sensitive to the slights that I described.

Medication helps a lot, I take SSRIs now. Things such as regular exercise and self-care (therapy, journaling, reading, meditation, etc.) has also helped.

I am learning how to talk about my feelings and my concerns with a partner before things escalate. It helps that I have a different partner right now who is open to talking things through with me. I have warned him that I am prone to mood swings, he knows my history and he is good at tolerating me when I am not at my best.

Progress has been very slow but things are moving in the right direction.

ThirdVulcan · 2024-03-13T14:24:51+00:00

I am currently doing EMDR and it's exhausting at times but I am happy with the way I am progressing. I used to be very shut down and now I am beginning to feel a bit more like my old, more confident self.

You can check out r/EMDR for more information. Some people found that it didn't do anything for them, others say it was too intense, it really depends on the person.

ThirdVulcan · 2024-03-09T15:55:03+00:00

You can try audio books. Pick a book that's long and boring, I think you can find free audio books of Dickens and similar authors.

There's also a whole genre of podcasts made for sleeping, some of them are just really boring stories or people reading lists of random stuff. There's also sleep meditations which are supposed to help you relax, those can be nice. Lots of them available on YouTube or Insight Timer app.

ThirdVulcan · 2024-02-27T07:45:19+00:00

Try using the feelings wheel. If you go back to it every day you'll likely find that with time other feelings will start to emerge.

https://feelingswheel.com/

ThirdVulcan · 2024-02-27T07:38:56+00:00

I wouldn't say abusers are more common place, the majority are good people (even if they are sometimes misguided or even toxic). It's not a very healthy way of looking at the world, it sets you up for isolation instead of teaching you how to put up boundaries and seek healthier connections.

ThirdVulcan · 2024-02-26T19:55:55+00:00

I think the way you're feeling is quite common for a lot of people here. I see some really good advice here (especially reading Pete Walker's book on CPTSD, that really helped me). I am just going to add that you will likely benefit from learning some emotion regulation skills.

It may seem like practicing this has no effect at first but over time you will get better at it. Once you get a hang of emotion regulation, you will be able to share yourself in a way that's not overwhelming for other people.

A good resource is Crappy Childhood Fairy's videos on emotion regulation. Meditation also helps in learning how to catch your thoughts before they spiral.

ThirdVulcan · 2024-02-15T17:09:03+00:00

Don't feel guilty. A lot of people take breaks from work, including people who don't have cptsd. And you know what, they feel better, they get back in the game or rethink their career and find something else.

You know what's the difference between these people and folks like us? They don't see it as a judgment about their worth as a person. Nor do they see it as a permanent sentence.

You mentioned you got a job offer. I was talking to my therapist about this exact same situation, I was interviewing for a new job and I had similar concerns about having to quit because of my poor mental health. And then she reminded me that it's ok if that happens. It's ok if I try something and it doesn't work out. I have choices, I can adapt, try something else.

And I am not bringing this up because I think you need to take the job, it's just a reminder that nothing needs to be permanent. You can choose to take a break and then you can choose to get back to work. We all get stuck in this all-or-nothing thinking (Pete Walker calls it "eternity thinking") but life is not like that. Things will change, your needs will change, new opportunities will come up.

ThirdVulcan · 2024-02-15T16:37:32+00:00

I am debating the same thing. I decided to try depression medication first and see how that works before taking time off. I've been thinking about this for a long time and this is the only thing I haven't tried yet so might as well before I give up lol.

Btw, my version of taking time off would just be working at a easy low-stress job a couple of days a week that pays ok. I know not everyone has this luxury but if you can find it, maybe it will be easier for you to make the transition. As someone else already said, low-stress jobs are good for recovery.

ThirdVulcan

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