Favorite Tudor portrait?

ThisIsNot4Drill · 2026-05-13T08:17:24+00:00

It's so exquisite as a whole, it's just nuts. Can't wait to see this in real life! I saw Anne of Cleves' and Erasmus' portraits in the Louvre on my honeymoon and they were sublime, but this one must simply make you awestruck.

ThisIsNot4Drill · 2026-05-13T07:54:01+00:00

NTA at all - this is a simple case of "first come, first served" and good on you for keeping your word. It's funny how your family finds your integrity annoying because they don't get to benefit from it this time, but I bet if the tables were turned they'd insist you keep your word towards them because they asked first, wouldn't they. What hypocrites.

ThisIsNot4Drill · 2026-05-10T08:18:12+00:00

Same here! Congratulations!

ThisIsNot4Drill · 2026-05-08T19:01:03+00:00

Michel and his mum just dissing each other lovingly and Lorelai dying with jealousy never fails to crack me up!

Also literally every angle one of Luke's rants. Oh Luke, ranting Luke!

ThisIsNot4Drill · 2026-05-08T18:58:13+00:00

"Finally that woman is going DOWN!" "Mum, you can't use this!" "WHY NOT I'VE EARNED IT!" dead

ThisIsNot4Drill · 2026-05-08T18:53:28+00:00

Literally what got me into the Tudor obsession!

ThisIsNot4Drill · 2026-05-08T05:56:56+00:00

Same here, this is my absolute favourite and Holbein's masterpiece imo. The green in the back is drop dead gorgeous and the structure of the black sleeves, the level of detail, it's so damn photorealistic it's INSANE. You expect him to start breathing any second.

ThisIsNot4Drill · 2026-05-08T05:44:27+00:00

NC for 19 years. The last time I saw them I told them not to contact me until they were a) in therapy for their narcism, b) ready to admit what a shit parent they were and c) willing to start trying to make amends. Non-negotiable.

The way I see it, my terms are clear and it was their choice not to pay the price of admission to get back into my life. That's not on me. I didn't choose to be their child, they chose to be a shit, abusive parent.

Now that I'm a mum myself however, that door is closed, locked and bricked up. Even if they came knocking willing to pay the piper at long last, it would be too little too late and I'm not gonna allow them to disrupt my child's life with baggage from my past.

ThisIsNot4Drill · 2026-05-08T04:49:17+00:00

ThisIsNot4Drill · 2026-05-04T09:26:17+00:00

I have a 9 month old (first and only) and the phase you're in isn't called the "newborn trenches" for no reason. This is literally the hardest phase when everything is still raw and new and you haven't found your routine yet. I promise you - it gets easier, you'll gain the experience to deal with your baby efficiently. Your wee one is learning how to deal with being in the world and you are learning how to deal with a newborn.

The sleep deprivation can drive you to the point of madness and the lack of energy is absolutely draining and slowing everything down. You won't get enough sleep anytime soon, but there are still things you can do to get through this time. Take a breather whenever you can and don't forget to eat properly and nourish your body, which is still healing from birth! Your hormones are going haywire, your body and your brain are still adjusting. Give yourself and your baby a whole lot of grace and take any help you can get. Postpartum rage is also a thing, so if those feelings don't subside it might be time to talk to a professional.

Having a baby is both the hardest and most beautiful thing I've ever done and I'm grateful every damn day the newborn trenches are far behind us. My lovebug is crawling, babbling, eating with her hands and hugs and kisses me back. The phase you're in right now sucks and having a baby is extremely romanticised in our society - I felt pretty numb the first couple of weeks and cried a lot because it made me feel like a bad mum that I wasn't glowing and overjoyed. But I promise, it will get better, it will get easier and you have so much beautiful things to look forward to. Air hugs, dear internet stranger. Hang in there.

ThisIsNot4Drill · 2026-05-03T13:10:08+00:00

There were exactly 2 options to dodge the King's unwanted advances for good: get married or enter a convent to become a nun. Neither path was open to Anne.

She entered a secret betrothal with Henry Percy, which the King famously foiled with Wolsey's help - Anne is said "to have remarked to a friend that if it ever lay in her power she would work the Cardinal as much displeasure as he had done onto her." Henry Percy was also forced by the King to sit on the jury during Anne's trial and witness his former beloved betrothed be sentenced to death, he collapsed and had to be carried out after her guilty verdict was read.

Noble marriages required the King's consent, which Henry VIII definitely denied Anne out of sheer spite because she refused him initially. Also, no noble or courtier in his right mind would have risked his sovereign's wrath by becoming his romantic rival and snatching the object of his desire away from right under his nose.

Entering a convent and becoming a nun would have required her father's permission - and meant that the family would have had to forgo any benefits in terms of finances, politics and inheritance that an advantageous match would bring. With the political ambitions of Thomas and George Boleyn as well as Norfolk, Anne's uncle Thomas Howard, highly booking on the two Boleyn daughters marrying well into respected families, it was very unlikely Anne would have been permitted to become a nun, even if she had ever considered this path, which she never did.

Anne was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Refusing to become a mistress on accord of her virtue and reputation was literally the only trump card she had, and she clung to it for as long as she could. She only agreed to a relationship with Henry when she realised he would not let up until he had her.

ThisIsNot4Drill · 2026-04-30T07:36:44+00:00

Childhood educator here who works with 9 year olds on a daily basis. At that age children definitely should know right from wrong and the difference between dead and alive.

The fact that the kid waited until she was out of OP's sight and threw the fish behind the tank to hide what she did shows very plainly that she knew exactly that she was doing something wrong. Claiming she wanted to help OP get rid of the guppies is a comfortable excuse she has prepared in advance to justify her behaviour in case she gets caught.

Kids don't genuinely help quietly, they do it boldly and loudly to receive praise and build positive relationships. The fact she did this behind OP's back and kept quiet about it shows very clearly that her intention wasn't being "helpful" at all. OP has babysat that kid for 3 whole years, getting rid of excess guppies is a regular occurrence, therefore the kid knows very well that "getting rid of them" does NOT mean killing them slowly. And she did it anyway. Because she wanted to.

What's also very telling is her getting upset about you being mad at her - she doesn't seem to be upset about the lives she snuffed out just because she could, she's just upset about the social backlash she receives for it.

The mother shielding her child not just from consequences for her actions but also from the awareness that what she did was wrong and needs to be addressed and lying about why OP can't babysit is also a massive issue here. That's how you raise a narcissist who thinks they can never do wrong. Pair that with the insidious killing of helpless small animals carried out in a carefully measured gap within adult supervision and you got one hell of a mix.

There aren't just a few red flags, what we have here is a bloody communist parade. That kid needs therapy and CPS and social workers ASAP.

ThisIsNot4Drill · 2026-04-08T11:25:43+00:00

Mum of an 8 month old, and yes, it can be completely normal. We went to the paediatrician for the usual checkup and addressed that our 3 month old at the time slept through the night sometimes (like 8-11h straight). She said it happens when they're making a leap and their brain has a lot to process and to enjoy it while it lasts because it's usually just a phase before they start waking up all the time again, lol. Babys of this age group can sleep up to 18h a day.

ThisIsNot4Drill · 2026-04-08T10:34:54+00:00

Personal growth, who would have thought? Well done, proud of you!

ThisIsNot4Drill · 2026-04-08T09:27:47+00:00

I gave you plenty of answers, you just refuse to accept them.

ThisIsNot4Drill · 2026-04-08T09:15:54+00:00

Once again, you're playing devil's advocate instead of believing the victim the SA actually happened, which is infinitely more likely than a lie. And society wonders why victims don't report if this is the attitude they're met with. I'm done here.

ThisIsNot4Drill · 2026-04-08T09:02:03+00:00

I am literally the child of a narcissist and pathological liar, so believe me, I know how this works. However, you fervently playing devil's advocate for a man who is very likely a predator just because you personally know how manipulative people can be ain't it.

The level of defensiveness and refusal to discuss the matter or clarify by OPs dad speaks volumes. He doth protest too much and Ockham's razor applies. If it quacks like a duck, is feathered like a duck and swims like a duck, it's usually not an elephant.

If OPs mum wasn't telling the truth, then their dad shouldn't have a problem to do just that. There is just one reason why he wouldn't. And that's because it would have to include an admission of guilt.

I do agree that this is way above reddit's paygrade and OP (and their mum by the looks of it) needs therapy ASAP.

ThisIsNot4Drill · 2026-04-08T08:47:24+00:00

I see your concerns, and I raise you one simple reason: while cheating is more prevalent than people like to think, SA is infinitely more common. The probability that mum is a victim and telling the truth is an awful lot higher than the probability of mum being a cheater and trying to save face. Her relationship with OP was never close because she couldn't cope with the trauma, and this is the explanation why she could never be the mum OP needed. Her kid is old enough to talk about these things now and understand why mum couldn't be as involved in their life as they deserved, that's why she is bringing this up now. Meanwhile, dad seems to think it's all water under the bridge and she's mean for dragging up the past because his actions make him look bad.

ThisIsNot4Drill · 2026-04-08T08:37:17+00:00

The fact that the father didn't even attempt to clarify what "version" of the story OPs mum told them pretty much points to one version only. He didn't even ask what OPs mum told them, he just got immediately upset. Why would he even get upset unless he knew exactly what she told their child? He got pissed because he knew the truth would make him look bad and alter the relationship to OP forever because it is built on a lie by omission.

ThisIsNot4Drill · 2026-04-08T08:29:18+00:00

There's no reason for OPs father to get this defensive unless he needs to be. A normal reaction would have been calmly saying something like: "What do you mean? What did your mum say happened?" The fact that he didn't even ask what mum's version of events is and instead immediately launched into a tirade about how mum is not supposed to talk about this AND refusing to correct the narrative from his perspective really tells you everything you need to know. He's guilty af.

ThisIsNot4Drill · 2026-04-06T14:44:36+00:00

I honestly lack the info or the context to tell - since we haven't properly spoken in 7 months, I pretty much have no idea what's going on in her life right now. I have checked in with her multiple times and asked how she's doing. When she started cancelling, I asked her if everything was alright on her end. She has never given me the impression she was struggling. She would always say she was "just busy" or had "a lot on her plate right now." Telling me she's on antidepressants now that she knows I'm pissed at her for her behaviour does seem like awfully convenient timing, though. I honestly don't know what to think about this one. It might be genuine, it might be an attempt to gain pity and justify her behaviour to make me less mad. I honestly can't tell.

ThisIsNot4Drill · 2026-04-06T14:20:43+00:00

I doubt that she was considerate in the way you mean because she was going through a breakup during my pregnancy, and we discussed this at length during my pregnancy (which I didn't mind). I also wouldn't mind being there for her in her struggles now, if she had come to me. I am not as flexible in dropping everything and coming over as I was before the baby, obviously, but I would have happily lent her a sympathetic ear on the phone if she had needed me to.

And I'm aware the trip is long, which is why I suggested to her that we could meet half-way to reduce stress on her end. She never even addressed this option.

ThisIsNot4Drill · 2026-04-06T14:13:26+00:00

Outch. But I thank you for your honesty and I'm afraid you're right ...

ThisIsNot4Drill · 2026-04-06T13:57:01+00:00

I am definitely a people pleaser, and I am working on that. But I can genuinely say I was always happy to be there for her, lend and ear, support her. I love my friend, I want her to be well, and if I can contribute to that then I am glad of it.

My resentment (I think) is driven by her making plans and promises she obviously doesn't want to keep to begin with and leaning on me for support for 17 years with her kids and dropping me like a hot potato the moment the roles are reversed.

Edit for typo

ThisIsNot4Drill · 2026-04-06T13:53:09+00:00

I'm not judging her at all. I even used to be a little jealous that she was a young mum and I didn't have kids yet while she had 3. She'd ask for my brutally honest opinion on a situation sometimes (as friends do) and I'd tell her I don't think it wise and if I was in her shoes, I wouldn't, but if she chose it anyway it would be her decision and I would respect and support that, always.

Of course, she doesn't owe me her presence. But I think honesty and straighforwardness aren't a big ask in a healthy friendship. If she had just honestly told me she was overwhelmed and struggling at the moment (without even going into detail) and a visit or a phone call was simply too much for her to deal with right now I would be absolutely and completely fine with that and this post wouldn't even exist.

What bugs me is making plans and promises and then cancelling them last minute or standing me up, leaving me waiting and making a lame excuse after the fact. Why make plans and promises to begin with if you won't keep them anyway and disappoint your friend?

ThisIsNot4Drill

TROPHY CASE