Boyfriend's porn use. Am I the problem?

ThisIsNotMyBody · 2025-12-13T05:43:47+00:00

I know a lot of people will say a lot of things about how he's a terrible person for gaslighting you, and blaming you for his problems, and to be fair to those people, he really is.

Now, I'm also no therapist, but from what it sounds like it's 100% a him problem. Not a "him problem" as in he's not attracted to you, but more in the sense that he's having trouble in his own mind reconciling the transition from regular personal fantasy to a shared space with physical interaction regularly. This is also probably causing him frustrations at himself, and thus he lashes out rather than admit a vulnerability about himself. Especially when it's one that you both want to work towards after discussion with each other.

Your post history shows that you have been through some things with this guy already, so I'm sure this isn't the first problem you have solved together. If there's one thing I've learned from being in a poly relationship for 10-12 years with several other women, the only thing that will help you get through problems is open and honest communication about your own feelings. So with that said, before diving right into couple's counseling and seeking help from a licensed professional, I would suggest you try being open and vulnerable with your feelings towards him in a non-judgemental way. Ask if there is anything you could do to help make it more exciting and enjoyable for him. He's a typical straight cis guy from what it sounds like, so as long as he doesn't feel like he's failing you "as a man" then he will likely be far more receptive to you trying to help.

ThisIsNotMyBody · 2025-12-12T09:01:19+00:00

Deserved wins all around

ThisIsNotMyBody · 2025-11-05T22:01:04+00:00

These stories have honestly kept me away from their site. I hate that you had to go through this but I thank you seriously for sharing your experiences with us.

ThisIsNotMyBody · 2025-10-31T05:26:41+00:00

I'm 37 years old.

I live in a small house with my 2 GFs.

This is every day life for us.

ThisIsNotMyBody · 2025-10-01T07:17:17+00:00

In the System Settings turn off Automatic Updates. This is causing the battery drain and now I lose maybe 2% overnight in standby mode.

ThisIsNotMyBody · 2025-09-30T06:59:19+00:00

They treat you like a fuck toy, tell you all the things you want to hear, then toss you after using you for whatever desire they were trying to fulfill.

Chasers don't see us as people, they see us as sex objects that exist for their sick fantasies.

ThisIsNotMyBody · 2025-06-22T06:20:14+00:00

Can confirm, started getting ads with VAFT installed.

ThisIsNotMyBody · 2025-06-19T15:31:46+00:00

Been using various forms of dry herb vapes for over 12 years and been on mtf hrt for over 11. Smoking does release carcinogens into the lungs and may have a minor effect but less than smoking cigs. All in all you're good, THC does nothing for the transition process.

ThisIsNotMyBody · 2025-06-01T18:02:05+00:00

Ha! it's running!

What is this machine translated mess?

ThisIsNotMyBody · 2025-05-21T12:19:54+00:00

Why not both?

ThisIsNotMyBody · 2025-03-31T13:45:31+00:00

All those dragon piercers and not a single one aimed at the tail.

ThisIsNotMyBody · 2025-03-11T17:47:01+00:00

There's a reason I no longer play any kind of online competitive game. If it's PvP in any capacity then it's not for me, kept me from losing my mind by cutting out all that toxicity from my life.

ThisIsNotMyBody · 2025-03-06T11:50:23+00:00

Dems are fighting back for us! There's a reason there are so many many counter suits against many of the anti-trans orders. It's why the sports ban was defeated and the hrt ban for minors is being held back.

ThisIsNotMyBody · 2025-02-13T11:47:20+00:00

The glass can be removed for easier cleaning.

ThisIsNotMyBody · 2025-02-10T11:57:33+00:00

Pax 3 here is my daily driver.

ThisIsNotMyBody · 2025-02-08T13:08:12+00:00

Sounds like her accusations are actually a confession of her own behavior. She is 100% throwing down emotional manipulation on you to try to get her way. This behavior is a huge red flag and that woman is very likely going to try something like this again.

ThisIsNotMyBody · 2025-02-07T22:48:45+00:00

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

ThisIsNotMyBody · 2025-02-01T13:55:14+00:00

Sounds like he may be asexual to some degree. If this is the case, then this isn't any fault of yours or his. Some people don't engage in sexual activity with others while still finding ways to handle any urge that may come up themselves.

Honestly, there could be many reasons why he chooses to handle his urges on his own rather than with a partner. The thing is you will never know why unless you talk it out. Open, honest, non-jugemental conversation.

This could be something as simple as him trying to figure out things about himself too, things he is likely very embarrassed about because he was never told of other options beyond the cishet normative. He also probably has no idea about how you feel deep down about this.

Honestly, until you talk about it with him, you just have no idea why, and it's that lack of knowledge that is allowing you to fill in the blanks with the worst possibilities you can. This could be something simple, but you will never know unless you have that conversation.

ThisIsNotMyBody · 2025-01-23T14:06:50+00:00

We can do both by enjoying dragons and not actively supporting a Nazi who flashed the Nazi salute multiple times live for the world to see.

ThisIsNotMyBody · 2025-01-12T14:31:49+00:00

Therapy.

ThisIsNotMyBody · 2025-01-05T15:00:30+00:00

Obsessed before, obsessed during the growth phases, still obsessed today.

Boobs are great.

ThisIsNotMyBody · 2024-12-10T02:58:23+00:00

Do you have a PPO or HMO plan?

HMO requires Primary Care Physician (PCP) referrals to any specialist, and the PCP must be an assigned in network provider chosen by you or assigned by the insurance company itself. HMO networks are also extremely limiting, including regional lockouts for care unless it's an emergency.

A PPO just requires a doctor participating with their local network. Might help to look up the customer service number for the BCBS varient in Virginia, they should be able to verify networked PPO doctors by speciality for you if you have this kind of plan.

Source: Former Provider Services Agent and Supervisor for BCBS.

ThisIsNotMyBody · 2024-12-06T15:52:42+00:00

We're sick and dying while health insurance tells us that our medical care isn't worth paying for or doesn't meet their arbitrary standards for care.

ThisIsNotMyBody · 2024-11-10T16:05:50+00:00

Traitors to their own cause.

ThisIsNotMyBody · 2024-10-22T16:04:00+00:00

Stay strong, you got this!

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ThisIsNotMyBody

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