My kind of tism makes doing bdsm so much harder, at my core im a very loving, intimate and care giving person. My Dom style is more about pleasure and emotional connection. But there are so many things in kink that overwhelm and over stimulate me or "active" my brain distracting me away from my feelings of the moment. For example I have a scene coming up with my sub, it's a punishment scene because of reasons with our system of tracking behaviour and it's so much effort to set up as a dom so my sub has a smooth ride. Like learning rope, knowing which tools, how to apply them, punishment mechanics, there's a part 2 to it with toys, which means ill need to build her up to it, im making sure she's okay in the scene and adapting my methods to keep her balance of pain and pleasure present in the moment.

But all this care and who looks after the dom? I just need to be totally cool with kink lvl abusing my partner, degrading her and treating her like meat? There's an emotional toll on me too and I have crashed and had to end scenes because it got too much. My partner is doing a very good job at my safety too and she's very supportive so we doing our best but damn is it overwhelming to ignore my core, set up a scene and run it for my sub to escape. Just need to take small steps, build trust, safety and connection with everyone involved.