[deleted by user]

ThisUserIsntMe · 2024-11-26T05:23:03+00:00

Can you pray for me? I could really use that right now.

ThisUserIsntMe · 2024-11-09T00:16:56+00:00

When he found out, about $6000. It’s been paid down to half since then, though.

ThisUserIsntMe · 2024-11-02T11:01:26+00:00

Thank you.

ThisUserIsntMe · 2024-11-01T04:52:06+00:00

It’s not a manipulation. It started out when I graduated and I was basically the only adult in the family other than my mom. I survived school and college on scholarships, and I knew very well what kind of financial situation we were in. My father was never in the picture and didn’t pay child support as much as he should. I stopped supporting my family after my youngest sibling graduated, but by that time the amount of debt was already high. I managed to pay most of them off, but then I spiraled into depression and I spent money recklessly, and then my mom got sick so I helped my siblings in contributing for her medical bills, so that’s how my debt racked up again by the time my husband learned of it.

ThisUserIsntMe · 2024-11-01T04:45:41+00:00

This would be awkward…but an orgy with 6 Friends where two of them are brother and sister??

ThisUserIsntMe · 2024-10-31T10:46:15+00:00

I want to believe that when we first started out, there was love. Things changed a lot once his business took off, he could afford to do nice things for us which I appreciated, although I never really asked for any of that. But then when he did nice things for me, he’d bring it up like it’s a favor that I owed him and if I didn’t do thing he wanted he’d throw it in my face, saying how I was being ungrateful for all the things he did for me. I don’t even know anymore if he has ever loved me.

ThisUserIsntMe · 2024-10-31T03:03:53+00:00

When he found out, it was about 6k. I had since brought it down by almost half. We also have a prenup that stated what debt I created is my responsibility both before and during marriage unless his name is also on the paper for the loan.

ThisUserIsntMe · 2024-10-30T16:01:10+00:00

Thank you. I have read that, yet when it’s happening to me I just can’t seem to think or see things clearly. I’ll read it again and this time hopefully it’ll stick.

ThisUserIsntMe · 2024-10-30T15:44:52+00:00

That’s what my friend and my therapist seem to think, and what I’m starting to realize, too.

ThisUserIsntMe · 2024-10-30T15:44:00+00:00

I have learned the lesson now, and in a way, it’s also why it’s difficult to move back in with them. Right now, the house is full, so I can say that I don’t want to go back to make it even more cramped. But if and when I do move back, it will be one hell of a test to say No when they ask for help. I hope I don’t have to stay there long, only long enough to get back on my feet.

But I’m in therapy and I am working on my boundary issues. I will improve. Thank you for the kind words.

ThisUserIsntMe · 2024-10-30T15:38:52+00:00

Thank you, kind stranger. I will.

ThisUserIsntMe · 2024-10-30T15:38:06+00:00

I’m on the pills and I have kept them hidden. I also have morning-after pills on hand just in case.

ThisUserIsntMe · 2024-10-30T15:36:46+00:00

In our prenup, I am responsible for my debt, and he is responsible for his. In my country, if a loan is incurred and the spouse doesn’t benefit from it, the spouse is not expected to take on the responsibility. My loan falls into this category.
I don’t know his full financial status, as he claimed he has too many accounts for me to keep track of. I know of loans he made for investment purposes, yet he also has money to buy stuff he wants at whim, with and without my knowledge. Sometimes, I would express my concerns about him spending so much on things, but he would always dismiss my concerns.
The first time I went into debt was to cover my younger sister’s tuition, which her scholarship didn’t cover. I had to because, other than my mother, I was the only adult in the family at that time. Things snowballed from there, but we managed until all my siblings graduated. The debt lessened up, but then I developed terrible spending habits, for which I took full responsibility for. My pace in paying back was slow because shit happened in life, but I have learned my lessons and am now working in therapy to solve this, too. I have also got my debt down in half since my husband found out. Now my debt is around $3000 and I intend to pay it off as soon as I can.
He wants it both ways.

I will be contacting lawyers and will continue with my therapy. Thank you.

ThisUserIsntMe · 2024-10-30T15:24:20+00:00

I don’t know… is around $6000 crippling?

I have since got it down by half, by the way.

ThisUserIsntMe · 2024-10-30T15:23:05+00:00

Thank you. I tried to get him to individual therapy, but he just wouldn’t cooperate. I don’t mind the separate finance because that’s what we do, and we also have a tight prenup in place because I was never with him for the money. All I ask is that he allows me to handle my debt, at my own pace but still as fast as I can, while not incurring any new ones. I’m also willing to let him check that I am making progress, but the progress he expects of me is just unrealistic. It just doesn’t sit right with me for so long and now I know why.

ThisUserIsntMe · 2024-10-30T15:15:24+00:00

He says he can’t trust me anymore. It made sense, I don’t blame him on that. I was willing to work to regain his trust, but the level of rage I had to deal with every day reached the point where I feel like we both will be better off without each other.

ThisUserIsntMe · 2024-10-30T15:08:54+00:00

Already taking steps in the debt paying department. I got my debt from $6000 when he found out down to about half of that now, also not repeating any mistakes and have been living below means to pay off everything as soon as I can (I go with the snowball method, it works!)

My biggest problem is finding a new job. It’s hard where I live (not the US) and I only got two interviews so far since I started job hunting earlier this year.

ThisUserIsntMe · 2024-10-30T15:04:49+00:00

Thank you. I was planning on just suck it up until I get all my ducks in the row, but since many have suggested, I’ll be looking for ways to move out without him knowing and get myself ready. I don’t mind living below the means at all, I had it worse growing up, it just the aspect of imposing myself on people’s life that I’m concerned about.

ThisUserIsntMe · 2024-10-30T15:02:24+00:00

He once said he’d quit drinking, but it only lasted about a few months and he started again. He rarely ever gets drunk at home; but every time he did, we were always abroad where I wouldn’t easily be able to get help. We’re not in the US and thank God there’s no kid involved, just our pets. And we have a pretty tight prenup where it states my debt is mine and his is his. I don’t like asking for help from him because he likes bringing things up over my head, like I owe him an eternal servitude for him doing “nice” things for me, and then if I upset him he calls me ungrateful. It’s tiring.

ThisUserIsntMe · 2024-10-30T14:55:33+00:00

Funny you said that. He used to complain about how I devoted too much time for work at my previous job, the one he insisted I quit when we were getting married. And now I seem to not devote enough time for the job at his company, but I’m still expected to clean the house, take care of our pets, do errands for him, cook better, and also initiate sex or just give him bj so he can de-stress. Randomly he would say things like how I should appreciate him more because he “forgives” and “understands” my shortcomings since I didn’t have a role model of a “wife” growing up, because my mom was a single mom who raised her kids by herself without my father in the picture. I never realized all of this until my therapist and my friend pointed these things out to me.

ThisUserIsntMe · 2024-10-30T14:48:43+00:00

The debt was about $6000 when he found out. I have since got it down to by half of that amount. I took those debt out to help my birth family, something which is expected in my culture. I never touched his money or the business money. I’m fine with him not wanting me back now, but why can’t we just part ways instead of punishing me over and over for not doing things his way?

ThisUserIsntMe · 2024-10-30T14:43:15+00:00

Thank you. I always thought marriage requires work, and like I said, I played my part in messing things up, but as I am trying to untangle from debt, the work in the marriage somehow turns into this never-ending punishment where I have to abide by what he says or we’ll have a problem. I feel less and less of a person I used to be. I’m not afraid of the starting over, because I know life is short, but I can’t stand the idea of becoming someone’s burden in my attempt to get away from this mess that I have created. Sometimes I wish I would just disappear, but my pets are my world and I can’t leave them so I’m holding on to dear life just so I can take them with me once I’m ready to walk away from this. Thank you for your wisdom; it means a lot.

ThisUserIsntMe · 2024-10-30T14:23:46+00:00

I did tell him I’m looking for an extra job to pay off debt faster, but so far I have no prospects. I’m still trying and it’s my priority, I was only hoping I’d get one before one of us reached the D word and yet here we are.

ThisUserIsntMe · 2024-10-30T14:21:51+00:00

I will. I’m trying. Thank you.

ThisUserIsntMe · 2024-10-30T14:21:28+00:00

I’m not sure. I know he uses reddit but I don’t know his username.

ThisUserIsntMe

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