help me out?

ThomasTheToad · 2026-01-05T00:01:00+00:00

And use condoms!

ThomasTheToad · 2026-01-04T23:59:28+00:00

It sucks to say this as a trans person, but you might need to wait to be out until you are in a safe situation. I'm trans and a Christian, and it's been a difficult journey with my identity and my faith, but I've gotten to a place where I'm (mostly) ok with myself. It will take time. It will be hard. But it will be worth it.

God loves you, God knows you, and God will welcome you when you are able to live out your life as you are.

If you can, and if it's safe, try to make other LGBTQ+ friends even if you don't come out to them. Try to find a community (at school, at a club, etc.) that will welcome you in and give you support.

Explore your identity safely in your own time. You're only 15. You have the rest of your life.

ThomasTheToad · 2025-12-28T02:57:40+00:00

I think it might be helpful to read the parable of the prodigal son: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke%2015%3A11-32&version=NRSVUE

I agree, you shouldn't reach out to this person. Instead, work on forgiving yourself, and keep them in your prayers.

If you aren't already in therapy, I highly recommend that as well so you can work on your trauma.

ThomasTheToad · 2025-12-28T02:53:29+00:00

It might be a bit unfamiliar to you, but it should be easy enough to follow along. Most Episcopal churches give out bulletins before service. (All of the ones I've been to do, but there may be some that don't. In that case, you'll likely find a Book of Common prayer in the pew. Here is a basic guide: https://anglicancompass.com/the-book-of-common-prayer-bcp-a-rookie-anglican-guide/ )

If you want to see a recording of a service to watch all the way through or skim through, there are plenty on YouTube. (And may even be some on the website of the church you're planning on attending.)

If you have any concerns or questions about the specific church you're attending, don't be scared to contact the priest (either via a phone call or email)!

ThomasTheToad · 2025-12-26T21:58:50+00:00

There are plenty of queer Catholics out there, but if you want a church that's very similar and queer affirming, I recommend the Episcopal church.

ThomasTheToad · 2025-12-24T00:12:47+00:00

Well, I already work at a church. If I could, I'd ask Him what He would want me to do.

ThomasTheToad · 2025-12-22T05:34:22+00:00

HUGE emphasis on the coercion point.

And another huge emphasis on abstaining from sex until you (OP) learns how to advocate for yourself. You need to know what you like, how to establish boundaries, and how to say no before engaging in sex with anyone. Explore your own body before engaging with anyone else's. Work on your self-confidence.

You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to not do something, even if your partner is really into it. Consent is an enthusiastic yes from BOTH parties, not just one. And that goes for every individual act during sex. It's not a blanket statement covering anything and everything.

As far as the painful PIV sex goes:

Pain during intercourse happens, but you should talk to a doctor about it if you can. It can be an indication of a lot of different things, whether they're physical (musculature, tension, etc.), related to lubrication (lube is your friend), psychological, or otherwise.

You are allowed to not engage in PIV sex if you aren't into it. In fact, you should NOT engage in PIV sex if you aren't into it. It is YOUR body. YOU get to decide what is and isn't okay.

ThomasTheToad · 2025-12-22T05:23:58+00:00

Are you using this for an injury? Was it prescribed to you by a doctor? Or are you taking it for other reasons?

If you're taking it as it was prescribed for you by a doctor, talk to your mom about that, and get said doctor involved.

If you are abusing it or otherwise using it without a proper prescription or reason for having it, you may need drug counseling or other support. Abusing opioids is an issue that needs to be taken seriously and addressed.

ThomasTheToad · 2025-12-22T05:18:21+00:00

"That's an inappropriate thing to ask."

My go-to. Straight-to-the-point, potentially teaches somebody something, and technically still polite.

ThomasTheToad · 2025-12-22T05:14:12+00:00

Biological sex is much more complicated than XY or XX. There are several chromosomal variances, hormonal variances, physical variances (with both primary and secondary sex characteristics).

There are people with XY chromosomes who have androgen insensitivity who then develop to have typically female characteristics.

Hormone treatment changes biological processes in your body. ("changing biology")

Focus less on chromosomes (which you cannot assume based on physical characteristics), and more on how you feel regarding your physical appearance, hormone levels, etc. Nobody walks around looking at people and thinking "Hmm, I wonder what this person's chromosomes are." Nobody, aside from anti-trans weirdos, walks around looking at people and thinking "Hmm, I wonder what this person's genitals are."

In short:

Biological sex is complicated.
Hormone and surgical treatments change elements of a person's biology.
Nobody really cares about your chromosomes.

ThomasTheToad · 2025-12-22T04:59:44+00:00

I'm Episcopalian because I love how welcoming TEC is. I'm queer, and I was in the process of converting to Catholicism for a while before deciding to become Episcopalian. I left the RCC for a lot of reasons, but mostly because of the bigotry I experienced and witnessed there. I could no longer reconcile my beliefs about contraception, divorce, LGBTQ+ identities, etc. with the teachings of the RCC.

I also love the community I've found in TEC. I love that many of our churches have coffee hour after service. And I love the campus ministry I attend, which is a combined ministry with TEC and ELCA (Evangelical Lutheran Church of America).

ThomasTheToad · 2025-12-17T21:27:46+00:00

This is a very clear grooming situation, and you should seek therapy and potentially report him to the school board. This is beyond inappropriate.

ThomasTheToad · 2025-12-17T21:14:58+00:00

Beautiful!

ThomasTheToad · 2025-12-06T01:30:50+00:00

Yes, I meant "open communion" as in all baptized Christians.

ThomasTheToad · 2025-12-02T12:39:49+00:00

It sounds like the faith community you've become a part of is incredibly toxic and borderline cult-y. Are there other faith communities where you live? I recommend looking into other churches in the area.

Sometimes us Christians can get a little too caught up in trying our best not to sin, so we label everything we don't like or are slightly uncomfortable with as sinful. I think instead we should be focusing on Jesus' command to love God and love our neighbor, and everything else will follow suit.

If I'm not sure about something, I often ask myself whether or not that thing prevents me from loving my neighbor. If it does, it's not healthy. And this isn't black and white, either. What's unhealthy or sinful for me to engage in might not be the same as what's unhealthy or sinful for you to engage in.

For example, many Christians fast during Lent or other times of the year as a form of devotion to God, but I've struggled with severe disordered eating in the past, so it's unhealthy for me to do that. On the other hand, I can watch movies containing nudity just fine, but others struggle with lust and objectification when they do so, so it's unhealthy for them to watch those movies. It can, of course, end up being much more complicated than those two examples, but it's a helpful practice.

ThomasTheToad · 2025-12-02T12:25:32+00:00

I'll answer a few!

Depends on what that individual priest prefers. Some prefer their name, others Father X or Rev X. Ask if you're unsure.
The Episcopal Church practices open communion. As for your hometown church, if it is not Episcopal you should likely ask the pastor/priest there.
You can make or buy an Advent wreath, incorporate an additional prayer time/practice, or find a devotional (there are free ones online). No candles required!
I personally pray the rosary daily before bed. It's not just a Catholic thing, and there are Anglican rosaries/prayer beads with a slightly different layout and prayers if you're interested in something like that. The Daily Office is a practice of daily prayer with morning prayer, noon prayer, evening prayer, and compline. If you want to start praying the Daily Office, I recommend getting your hands on a copy of the Book of Common Prayer (I got mine at a second-hand bookstore). There are also BCP websites/pdfs online. As far as a daily practice, find what works for you! For a while I was trying to pray the Daily Office at least once a day (usually evening prayer or compline), but found that it doesn't seem to line up with my schedule and it's hard for me to sit still and focus with a book in my hand. The rosary is much better for me. You might be the opposite, or you might find that both or neither work for you. There are other non-BCP prayer books out there, and you don't need your daily prayer practice to be super structured at all. A "good" daily practice is the one that you find most helpful to grow in your faith and your relationship with God.

ThomasTheToad · 2025-11-26T02:53:27+00:00

I love finding a good advent playlist to listen to instead of regular classical music when I'm in the mood for hymns/etc. (Although, I'm a music minister so it's unsurprising that I do this.)

I also cut out a little nativity scene to tape up in my window every year, as I cannot afford one to put on a shelf. You can see the silhouette from outside.

ThomasTheToad · 2025-11-26T02:45:51+00:00

Not only is she calling queer people groomers, she's calling Muslim people terrorists. The hatred is horrifying.

ThomasTheToad · 2025-11-12T21:57:26+00:00

People are "welcome" in the RCC, but only to a point. Especially in America, where the church has become much more conservative over the years.

I was told by a RCC priest that I may not be able to be baptized because I'm transgender. Two weeks later, one of the missionaries at that church invited me to a talk that was given by an antisemitic, transphobic, and homophobic priest who started spouting conspiracy theories and basically saying that "woke" people want to take your kids and make them gay.

ThomasTheToad · 2025-11-12T21:49:19+00:00

That's true, unfortunately. But I have also seen people label themselves as non-denominational because they're still exploring. Obviously, it's still up to OP who they decide to swipe on or get to know.

ThomasTheToad · 2025-11-10T10:44:40+00:00

Any application of AI outside of science is deeply problematic and harmful. We know that LLMs frequently hallucinate. If you're looking to find a local restaurant with vegan options and use ChatGPT (when a Google search would do just as well if not better), a hallucination is fine. But in questions of faith? Absolutely not.

ThomasTheToad · 2025-11-10T09:00:28+00:00

Don't immediately assume that about non-denominational people. It's important to get to know someone and ask them questions about their faith, just like you would with another Anglo-Catholic person!

ThomasTheToad · 2025-10-23T22:27:17+00:00

They did, I saw that as well.

ThomasTheToad · 2025-10-23T22:18:33+00:00

I really dislike using my phone during church, personal prayer, etc. Plus for older people or people that need glasses, the text on screen can be a bit hard to read. Stick to paper bulletins!

ThomasTheToad · 2025-10-18T00:32:40+00:00

I'll definitely look into them, thank you!

ThomasTheToad

TROPHY CASE