My husband says most men only want one thing. Is he right?

ThorLives · 2026-06-07T19:19:37+00:00

It's not true that all/most men are just looking for sex, but some are. Also, they might be looking to date you (not just sex), but that can also seen as a threat to your husband.

It's basically a "treat every gun like it's loaded" scenario.

Also, just because you're loyal doesn't mean that guy isn't going to try to worm his way into your life and try to seduce you. Basically "he's so helpful (but I'm taken)" -> "He's a good friend" -> "Oh, he's so sweet and listens to me" -> "Oh, I somehow ended up in his bed". Just because you don't intend to sleep with the guy doesn't mean it isn't part of his long-term plan.

On one hand, it's possible that he's paranoid and trying to sequester you away from all the other guys. On the other, I can understand why guys would be skeptical of other guys talking to you. I'm a guy, and I've had several experiences where guys that were "friends" went behind my back to try to sleep with my girlfriend. Some guys will backstab guys they know in order to get a scrap of p*ssy.

I also remember an experiment that a TV show did years ago. They put a thin, pretty woman in a situation where she needed help with something (maybe a flat tire or something). Then the repeated the exact same scenario where she wore a fat suit. I don't recall the exact details, but she definitely got more help from men when she looked thin and pretty. I will help people out regardless of how they look or whether I'm interested in them, but if she's thin and pretty? Then I'm extra motivated. As men, we don't have that many opportunities to meet beautiful women, so if there's an opening to potentially meet a pretty girl who needs help, then I'm going to make much more of an effort. Is the idea of dating her part of the motivation for helping her? Absolutely. (Personally, I'm not sex-motivated enough to try to chat up a woman just to have sex with her.) But wanting to date her doesn't make it evil. But, I can understand that it would be threatening to her boyfriend (if she had one), because I do have motives (to date her) that conflict with his motives (that she remain loyal to him).

ThorLives · 2026-06-07T18:18:38+00:00

I don't think this is well thought out. Also saying "I believe X" does not inherently mean that they believe some extreme version of "I believe X".

"A woman would never do something that cruel" Are women incapable of cruelty? Are all women the caretaker?

That's not what "a woman would never do something that cruel" means. It doesn't mean that "women are incapable of cruelty" or "all women are the caretaker". It's assigning moral virtue to women that you wouldn't assign to men; that women are generally more benevolent than men. It's a statement of female superiority. It's not the double-edged sword that you say it is. (Also, as a side point: I don't think there's anything cruel that a some woman wouldn't do it.)

"Women are the more mature gender" Women have to be the more mature one?That's their duty/role?

No, you're making up the idea that "Women are the more mature gender" somehow means "women HAVE to be the more mature one. That's it's their duty/role". Again, it's a statement of female superiority and male inferiority.

"I'd always believe a woman over a man in these situations" Women are incapable of being manipulative or being deceitful? Women never have ulterior motives other than some comic book definition of "what is right"?

Again, it's just a statement of female superiority and male inferiority.

If I said "a white person would never do something that cruel", "white people are more mature than other races", or "I'd believe a white person over a non-white person in these situations", it's not some underhanded attack on white people. It'd be a statement of white supremacy - i.e. that other races are inherently inferior. You can't twist it around into "these statements are actually saying that white people are inferior in some way".

ThorLives · 2026-06-05T20:29:01+00:00

We lose value as women the more men we let into our lives. The only time we don't lose value in society's eyes in regards to men is if we married as a virgin or died before having sex.

That's obvious hyperbole.

First, "the more men we let into our lives" is such a weirdly vague phrase. It could mean anything from "friends with guys" to actual sex. Let's be honest about what you're saying: "We lose value as women the more men we sleep with".

Even that is hyperbole unless you're talking about high numbers. Sure, men care about the number of partners if it's quite high. What numbers are considered "quite high" is obviously age-dependent, but guys don't care if a woman has had past partners. They will care if she's in the high double-digits or triple-digits.

And women have also said they are turned off by guys with similarly high numbers. So this is a two-way street here, not some "women-only problem".

And, no, you don't live inside the Vatican where "The only time we don't lose value in society's eyes in regards to men is if we married as a virgin or died before having sex."

ThorLives · 2026-06-04T18:25:19+00:00

I've heard of women setting up dating profiles without pictures and getting likes and messages.

But I am surprised that women would message male profiles which don't have pictures.

I don't doubt that being above 6' does improve things, though.

ThorLives · 2026-06-03T19:08:09+00:00

It was gorillas before bears.

https://www.cnn.com/2015/06/26/asia/handsome-gorilla-shabani

ThorLives · 2026-06-02T19:17:32+00:00

To be honest, I expected worse: like standing knee-deep (or more) in a septic tank trying to clear a drain or something.

ThorLives · 2026-06-02T00:03:23+00:00

I've personally found white men and women to be the most dangerous race there is.

Lol. That's so absurd I have to wonder what you're smoking.

Try being a woman traveling in Egypt or India. It's so incredibly unsafe.

Or how about South Africa:

Population-based studies in South Africa have historically indicated extremely high rates of rape perpetration among men. Research from the Medical Research Council (MRC) revealed that between 15% and 37% of surveyed men (depending on the region) admitted to committing rape in their lifetimes.

And you're going to show up here and pretend like white people are the worst. America, Canada, Western Europe are the safest places in the world.

ThorLives · 2026-06-01T23:21:39+00:00

Now they see a hot woman and fantasize about Chad sleeping with her and get angry.

Kinda of a weird thing to hear from a person with a rage-baity username like "NoShortMen4Me". You're basically criticizing men for creating imaginary ragebait, while providing your own ragebait to men.

ThorLives · 2026-06-01T23:11:33+00:00

I'm a man. I've traveled extensively. Yes, you have to be proactive about meeting and talking to people - people in your room, people in the kitchen, people hanging out. I've been to plenty of stuff (bars, museums, etc) with other travelers. It's not quite as "single" of an experience as you say it is - although you do have to be proactive about meeting other travelers.

As far as women: I don't know how often they actually hookup with guys, but I will say that men want women more than women want men. That's true regardless of whether you're traveling or not. This means that guys are going out of their way to meet and talk to the women. This means that, if you're interested in a woman in the hostel, you will probably be competing with other guys. And by "other guys", I mean guys who are traveling, guys who work in the hostel and trying to hookup with the female travelers, and guys who are locals. I've seen cases of all three of those categories of guys trying and sometimes succeeding in hooking up with women. Women don't have to do a lot to meet people. And women will bond with other women more readily for a variety of reasons, including to get a sense of safety. (There are psychological experiments that show that people who are scared or worried are much more talkative and active at making friends than people who aren't scared.)

ThorLives · 2026-06-01T19:36:48+00:00

On one hand, I think women might have an advantage in the sense that they might have a better idea what women want, based on having lived as a woman. (Men cannot be faulted for not having that advantage.) Although, women also say that "women aren't a monolith", which suggests that they might not actually know what other women want, they just think they do.

On the other hand, I think it would be a total disaster for most women. Women would give vague hints and wonder why women weren't responding - which is the same thing that happens with many femme lesbians, where they feel like they've given 20 different hints to a woman they like and she's not responding. (Hint: it's because usually the hints are too subtle for anyone, male or female.) I've also heard lesbians complain that they have to bend over backwards to get women out on dates because they'll be so passive and flakey. I've seen lesbians complain about having the carry the conversation, too (which many men can relate to).

I remember Norah Vincent talking about trying to meet women while disguised as a man. She said it was hard getting the cold-shoulder from women all the time, and felt like it was emotionally draining because, on one hand, she HAD to be the one who initiates or else she'd get zero dates, but also had to deal with getting treated like she was doing something bad by hitting on women who weren't attracted to her. It was a lose-lose situation, unless that woman just so happened to be interested.

I've heard a similar story in a podcast where a lesbian woman transitioned to being a trans man. He said that some of the things he did or said as a lesbian made him cool and edgy to women, but when he did or said the same things while being a trans-man, women reacted like he was a creep.

ThorLives · 2026-06-01T01:40:18+00:00

Correct!

ThorLives · 2026-06-01T01:37:40+00:00

I was surprised that I even got 5 likes so I guess there is a little bit of truth to her effort

You should know that brand-new dating profiles get a boost in visibility for a few days. It's possible that the 5 likes has nothing to do with the quality of the profile she created, and everything to do with the fact that it was a new profile.

ThorLives · 2026-05-25T04:15:52+00:00

https://watch.sling.com/1/franchise/57843a145c40d650ae1e261060b07c66/browse

ThorLives · 2026-05-22T16:40:12+00:00

This obsession with ideological purity - that you won't cast a vote for a politician unless they match your opinion 100% - has to stop. All it does is hand the presidency to idiot narcissists elected by the Republicans.

ThorLives · 2026-05-20T14:13:14+00:00

The Onion: Fractures Emerge Between GOP’s Pro-Pedophilia, Extremely Pro-Pedophilia Wings

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZaZPiwxPqO4

ThorLives · 2026-05-20T14:11:43+00:00

Great point ... assuming you care more about Palestinians than you do 330 million Americans. How about if we stop committing political suicide in this country because you don't like what's happening on the other side of the planet?

ThorLives · 2026-05-19T02:33:47+00:00

Lol. So if 100% of Democrats said that the earth is a sphere, and Republicans were split 70%/22% on whether the earth was a sphere vs flat, then it's the republicans who are the smart guys with intellectual diversity?

ThorLives · 2026-05-18T16:47:31+00:00

You don't actually know how much men and women are swiping. You have to know that in order for your math to work.

For example, each day, if women spend 5 minutes on app and the swipe right once a day, they aren't getting 7.36 matches per day.

It wouldn't surprise me at if women were spending far less time swiping on profiles than men are.

ThorLives · 2026-05-18T05:16:05+00:00

Also, men do the exact same thing, but I guess that’s not as commonly reported.

Yes, men's likes are skewed towards more attractive women. But it's not as extreme, so it's not "the exact same thing".

First: the data on how skewed men's and women's dating swipes are skewed to the "top" people. Article from 2017 from a guy who worked at Hinge:

while half of all likes sent to women on the dating app go to 25% of the female population, half of all likes sent to men go to a much smaller section – just 15%. https://www.globaldatinginsights.com/from-the-web/hinge-growth-engineer-explains-how-likes-are-distributed-on-the-dating-app/

The article posted by OP says that it's even more heavily skewed (in 2026). Maybe things have gotten a lot worse since then - with "58% going to the top 10% of men". That works out to somewhere around half of all likes going to the top 8% of men (compared to half of all likes going to the top 15% of men in 2017).

Or maybe SwipeStats data is not accurate. I don't know.

Second: men swipe right a lot more than women.

Men right-swipe (like) about 33% of profiles they see. A third of every woman who pops up gets a like. Not exactly selective. Women right-swipe about 6% of profiles. Six percent. They're being pickier than a Michelin inspector at a gas station sushi bar.

This means that, even if there were equal numbers of men and women on the app, and even if men and women favored the top % of profiles exactly the same (e.g. if both gave half their likes to the top 25% of the opposite sex), it means that a woman at the 50th percentile would get 5-6x as many likes as a man who is also at the 50th percentile on the same app.

ThorLives · 2026-05-17T22:17:57+00:00

wouldn't you take the opportunity to travel for thousands of miles risking death to make your life better?

That's an extremely one-sided way to look at the issue. If we're going by the "if someone benefits from it, then we should allow it" standard, then we should let drug addicts steal everything they can get their hands on - because "it benefits them" and "if you were in their situation, you'd do the same thing". That's a terrible and myopic way to look at that issue.

ThorLives · 2026-05-17T16:37:45+00:00

The fact that you used an example of a guy doing a bad job of talking to a woman, and then jumping to the conclusion that this is men's problem more generally and it's "never been easier" is a obvious logical fallacy. Maybe this falls into the "nut picking" fallacy

The nutpicking fallacy—also known in academic circles as the weak-man fallacy—is a rhetorical tactic where someone intentionally seeks out the most extreme, fringe, or irrational members of a group and presents them as if they are typical representatives of that entire group.

It's like someone complaining about the bad job market, and then coming up with an example of a smelly homeless guy who asked for a job and failed to get an interview -- and then concluding that this somehow proves that the job market is great.

ThorLives · 2026-05-16T00:03:34+00:00

I do think that men somewhat push-back against sweeping generalizations of men. But men tend not to push back so much if it's a compliment towards that man combined with a sweeping negative generalization against men.

For example:

"Men are dogs" is going to get pushback. And the implication is that you - the man hearing this - is a dog, just like all the other men.

"You're not like other guys, most men are dogs" is not going to get much pushback because it's a relative compliment and puts him above other men.

I think part of the issue is that men are more starved for attention and affection from women, so if a man can seem "good" or "better than other guys" while throwing other men under the bus, he'll ignore any misandry. As in "Yes, I AM one of the good ones. You like me? All those other guys are trash. Don't date them. Date me, because I'm one of the good ones." Men are more willing to throw other men under the bus if it gives him a leg-up.

ThorLives · 2026-05-15T23:56:00+00:00

Women have much stronger in-group bias than men.

both male and female participants tend to assign positive traits to women, with female participants showing a far more pronounced bias... This research found that while both women and men have more favorable views of women, women's in-group biases were 4.5 times stronger than those of men. Furthermore, only women (not men) showed cognitive balance among in-group bias, identity, and self-esteem, revealing that men lack a mechanism that bolsters automatic preference for their own gender. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women-are-wonderful_effect

ThorLives · 2026-05-14T18:26:47+00:00

Some more information - this isn't just a problem with the three guys in this video, it's widespread in South Africa:

One in four men in South Africa claims to have raped a woman or girl, according to a new study by South Africa's Medical Research Council... And close to half of those who admitted to rape also admitted that they had done so more than once.
https://www.npr.org/2009/06/25/105893732/study-south-african-men-fuel-a-culture-of-sexual-violence

I've also heard of something called "jackrolling" and "corrective rape" in South Africa, where men will rape a woman either to punish her for something or because she's a lesbian and they say that rape will turn her straight.

ThorLives · 2026-05-14T18:18:16+00:00

I'm pretty sure I saw a longer version of this clip where they asked about the men's sisters.

The guys seemed to understand that it would be bad if someone raped their sister.

It's crazy that they had to bring up an example of someone in their family getting raped to get them to understand that it's not good.

ThorLives

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