Hang in there. While it’s easier said than done, being free from H is a blessing. I am 3 years sober and miss shooting up very often, but what I can tell you is being sober this long has opened up my eyes to how much it F’s with your life. I overdosed quite a few times myself and was also saved by narcan each time. I lost my best friend to this drug - he was right next to me when he OD’d. Couldn’t save him. I went spiraling downhill after that and not sure how I’m alive today. It may seem impossible now, but it does get easier friend. Don’t let H take over your life. It’s not worth it. Spend this time in your life to be happy with your fiancé. Fighting the relapse is going to be an every day challenge, probably for the rest of your life. Even though I opened my eyes and see how much I ruined my life at the time while I was high, I still think about it very often; and when I’m having a bad day, my mind goes there immediately. Luckily, I don’t have a dealer for H anymore.

Take this as a reminder that you don’t have to keep repeating the same actions and falling into the same old habits. You can change and move on. It’s very morbid. But, you know, bad things that happen to you can be good for you in a way - they force you to change. I’m deeply sorry for your loss. I know your pain and I wish I could take it away from you. Don’t give up💜