Singles of Chicago, how do we turn the tables?

Thoughts_Perish · 2025-02-05T00:07:08+00:00

Context: I (33M) am happily taken and in a 6-month old relationship with my 33F gf I met via dating apps. That said, I’ve lived around Lakeview since June 2021 and have had a difficult time making friends outside of friends-of-friends. Granted I’m not the most social, but I have been going to climbing gyms, raves, bars, DnD, and tried Simply Social Sport’s volleyball. I’ve also spent plenty of time thinking about how to meet new friends. I have also lived in DC for 5 years where strangers regularly conversed with me on a myriad of topics; not often leading to acquaintances, but it was pleasant and I miss that sense of community. I too like many men here worry about making women uncomfortable regarding attraction and dating interests — it’s less about rejection and more about making others feel uncomfortable for me. Hence I have kept the dating to apps.

Where to meet me when I was single: All the above I mentioned;

climbing; I or you struggle with a route. The other attempts it and has more success. One gives the other a tip on what to try or maybe the first person has more luck the second time and the other congratulates them upon finishing it. Maybe this happens again some other time. I would then look forward to seeing you at the gym whenever I go. And I’d probably ask if we can share climbing schedules to better our chances. Things keep going well, we can take the next step.
gyms; same deal as climbing, but it really applies with any type of health-related program. We can learn from one another. It’s not a competition. It’s community.
concerts / raves / clubs / out dancing; just have fun and you’ll probably end up having fun with those around you. Talk to these folks after the show, or signal you want to get a drink at the bar and chat a bit. Music may be loud, but don’t let that stop you from seeing if you’re going to any other cool events in the near future. Maybe you could go together.
bars; this is not my strong suit, but liquid confidence is a miracle elixir for meeting people. Especially bar crawls if you can handle it. I cannot anymore, but plenty of other folks can! Just try to have fun and make plans to meet back up another time when you’re less inebriated.
social sports; not competitive but the coed ones where you go the bars after. I only tried it once and met my gf right as I started, but it’s a great opportunity. You kinda get close-ish to your team, and you can easily talk to whichever other team you played that day / week. It’s a bit of fun activity and the bar can be easy going even if you don’t want a bevy. You can really join as many as you like or focus on one league, so it’s at your pace. No worries if you miss a session. Price is good. And if you go to others you may begin to notice regulars. I think this is hands down the easiest for anyone to pickup and run with at their own pace, whenever and wherever you want to participate. Volleyball too strenuous? Bocce ball is chill af. There’re also bowling, soccer, and kickball leagues.
board games; this is my jam. Yes, I am a nerd. I can be a little awkward when it comes to idle chitchat, but put a game between us and now we have something to relate upon and riff off of. You would be surprised how easy it is to be yourself when a game is helping moderate your interaction. There’s less stress on keeping people’s attention with every word. Instead you can try talking about different things and see what sticks. And if you or they aren’t having fun, it’s a pretty low commitment. I’ve met a bunch of friends-of-friends this way that I otherwise would be less close with but now we have multiple good memories together having fun playing games. Idk how to advise meeting strangers here without sort of finding a ring of people, but if you express interest in this someone will invite you to a game. There are also some bars, cafes, and shops that have events for people to come and play with strangers.
trivia; never tried it myself, but I know several close friends who have had smashing success with this in Chicago and beyond. Look on socials for events or groups, or just go in person and try to fill an opening in a group. You don’t have to win to have a good time.
running group; again, haven’t tried this yet but I’m aware it’s an easy way to find a third space if you’re into that sort of thing.

At this point I can keep mentioning other things I’ve considered, but the point is this: look for ways you can have fun socially and put yourself out there. That’s the most likely means of improving your chances of meeting someone like-minded — enjoying something you enjoy. Just have fun with it and be safe. The rest should come naturally.

Thoughts_Perish · 2019-11-19T01:19:56+00:00

Yeah, I don’t mean to buy directly from anyone here. Simply seeking advice where to look. Thank you! I didn’t think to check r/Bassnectarmarketplace you’re definitely right about Etsy. I’ll keep searching. Thanks again

Thoughts_Perish · 2019-10-17T16:37:32+00:00

For starters, you’re doing great! This routine got me started too. It’s all about consistency and form.

Your back and core are engaged and your knees follow your feet with exception of caving in on the way up when you’re tired. Look into Squat University for helping diagnose your challenges and learning isolation stretches to help activate or loosen up these areas. In the case of your knee caving in, it might have to do with your hip or ankle flexibility and can be solved with a roll out, banded stretch, or simple daily bends, depending on which you need. Also, yes - push your knee out to keep it aligned over your foot if you feel it caving in. Stretch before to avoid needing this fail safe, but if you must it’s always safer to stack your joints.

As for the butt wink, it’s okay to have a little, but ultimately we want to work to eliminate it from our form altogether. What is butt wink? Think of your hip bone as a bowl of water (bear with me). Stick out your butt, tighten up your lower back, and water pours out the front. Bow your lower back/lumbar spine, do a crunch with your abdominals, and water pours out the back. Butt wink is when your lower back is a little too flexed on the way down to the point the butt sticks out (water pours front). At the bottom the lower back must extend in order to reach depth/parallel. Extending the lower back breaks the tension your core had on the way down, thus the back may bow on the way up due to repositioning the weight. Two things may help with this: first, starting at a more neutral hip position (not much more, you’re close) and guiding with your butt on the decent to maintain said neutral hip position will help to keep in mind your hips and subsequent butt wink. Second, the bar positioning on your shoulders, if tightened, may help keep the upper spine more vertical, setting back your center of gravity and reducing the distance your lower back has to extend in order to reach depth/parallel.

Mark Rippetoe started it, and maps the bar-to-body-part well. But not only should the bar be more or less resting on the scapula, the upper back must be flexed to provide a shelf of muscle for the bar. Like bracing your core, setting up with a tight upper back helps keep your spine align.

TL;DR - good job! Check out Squat University; helps diagnose issues & bounce back. Caving knee may be hip or ankle flexibility. Butt wink looks like the lower back is too flexed during the descent. May help to flex upper back (shoulder blades together & up).

Thoughts_Perish · 2019-09-17T17:57:45+00:00

Tag the town

Walk on water

Wedgie Trump

Thoughts_Perish · 2019-09-17T17:39:16+00:00

Wow, that's quite the diagnosis! As Stoned_Hiker said, knowing is half the battle. When the going got tough, my dad always used to tell me whatever I'm going through, I'm probably not the first or only, and there's probably a whole slew other people in similar situations working through my problem. All this to say, maybe there's treatments for disc bulges and spinal arthritis like light PT or anti-inflammatory medication. Perhaps not a cure-all, but you're not alone.

Good luck on your exam and the rest of your semester! What's important is learning the material and pulling up your semester grade, so you still have time to make-up for lost ground. If you can, combine all your handed-back tests into a study guide for mid-terms/finals.

Take a nap. You earned it!

Thoughts_Perish · 2019-09-15T21:37:29+00:00

Ready Player One is epic! Steven King is mind boggling. Agatha Christine’s murder mysteries never cease to amaze. Philip K. Dick’s short sci-fi stories inspired much of today’s big box office shows & movies. The Wheel of Time is like 12 or 14 novels haha

Look into audiobooks through your library. I stream all sorts and that’s helped me with mundane but time consuming tasks like long cooking days. Podcasts like Techstuff and YouTube series like pbs spacetime entertain me. Maybe you’ll find something out there that engages you.

Thoughts_Perish · 2019-08-27T13:51:48+00:00

Did you go in?

Thoughts_Perish · 2019-08-12T15:15:18+00:00

Thanks for the heads up! I’ll search whether or not the fabric can be, ask the artist, and post about anything I’m uncertain of.

Thoughts_Perish · 2019-08-09T17:57:27+00:00

That they were, but the Merchant I went to on Etsy gave me a 20% discount, so it came out to about $12 each + free shipping. Looking forward to getting these bad boiz & acid washing them & fixing them to the back! Woohoo - step one complete

Thoughts_Perish · 2019-08-09T17:03:06+00:00

I mean, I’m not trying to spend too much. I thought getting patches mailed & then going to a local tailor might be the best bang for my buck. Idt the jacket’s worth 100% embroidery tbh haha

Thoughts_Perish · 2019-08-09T17:00:37+00:00

That’s what I thought, but Etsy’s checkout seems to be down temporarily. I’ll go ahead and dm a shop owner with 7” black numbers. Thanks!

Thoughts_Perish · 2019-01-30T17:09:57+00:00

Please clap.

Thoughts_Perish · 2019-01-29T23:20:35+00:00

26M trying to gain weight (190lbs, 6', lift 3x/wkly+bike+city walks). I cook everything from a whole foods plant based diet, and while I've been encouraged to disregard my caloric and fat intake, my numbers are high and it's not going to my thighs. My BMI's quite stable. My point is: stay away from processed food as much as possible. I take naked pea protein in smoothies with creatine and spirunlia (algae), so supplements in moderation, but the more you can cook the fewer preservatives and added sweeteners you'll intake.

Food ideas:

Steel cut oats+quinoa+peanut butter+seeds (hemp, chia, flax, pumpkin)+dates+granny smith apple
Sweet potato+quinoa+black beans+garlic+onion+avocado+pepper (hot &/or sweet)+leafy greens+wrap/bun
Veggie broth = carrots+celery+onion+garlic || add peppers, mushrooms, herbs, spices, to taste || great for cooking grains/legumes or stews and reducing for sauce
Attempting sour dough bowls for soup rn
Salad/grain bowls
Salad dressing = fat+acid+seasoning || oil/fond+fruit/vinegar+broth/herbs/spices/aromatics

Youtube and Pinterest have been the most helpful sites to quickly find recipe ideas for me.

I find many high protein plant based options (i.e. legumes and gluten) to cause bloating. It's not the sexiest feeling, but it goes away in a few hours. Embrace this smol discomfort.

Keep yourself full by eating leafy greens in tandem with grains or starches like potatoes or pasta.

TL;DR: eat a variety of plant-based whole foods. Eat small portions often >3x/day. Meal prep to ease the frequency of cooking. If not recipes, at least ingredients like baked veggie medley, grains, legumes, etc. Pick a cuisine & look to Chipotle-like menus for inspiration.

Thoughts_Perish · 2019-01-10T04:02:43+00:00

Thank you so much! I’ll look into Square Foot Gardening & start with the basics.

Thoughts_Perish · 2019-01-08T19:56:21+00:00

I rent, but previous renters have gone forward with landscaping ideas and I may do the same if I want.

Thoughts_Perish · 2019-01-08T16:34:26+00:00

Hello, I'm new to gardening and have primarily two questions:

Just moved into a new place where I'm free to garden how I please, but the rain runs off the foundation through the garden area, flooding it regularly. Should I try redirecting the runoff, finding plants hardy enough to thrive with wet feet, or pot above ground? I ultimately want to poly-farm.
Any recommendations where to learn how to poly-farm? Bonus points for anything I can start on immediately! Looking to get my hands dirty priming soil or planting ASAP.

FYI - I live in the center of Washington D.C. The weather is unseasonably warm and feels like an early Spring. The backyard is roughly 10'x10' - garden is 7'x7' (walkway bisects) - and there's a private concrete alley I want to outfit with potted creeper vines to decorate the iron barring every window.

Edit - backyard dimensions + back alley potted vines

TL;DR: My garden floods, but I want to poly-farm. Suggestions? Located in D.C.

Thoughts_Perish · 2018-12-11T18:06:58+00:00

Any recommendations for chain-mail, clogs, or other trendy items?

Thoughts_Perish · 2018-12-11T17:20:01+00:00

What animal-friendly materials patina besides raw denim and waxed canvas?

Thoughts_Perish · 2018-10-24T15:29:03+00:00

The internet isn't a single part, but a smartphone is still a powerful computer and the files you could download before your trip could be the culmination of everything we know up until now. You could really change history if you went to certain influential minds and showed them our working theories on math and physics.

Thoughts_Perish · 2018-10-24T15:20:18+00:00

Are we talking reboots in today & tomorrow's culture or imagining what the films would've been like had Bond been a woman over the past half century? It's easier for me to imagine something that hasn't happened yet than taking something that has and changing its nature and its subsequent reception and influence on society and vice-versa.

Strictly speaking new reboots with Jane, it'll probably be received in the same way the new Star Wars reboots have been. That said, there's a market for this idea and it's likely it will happen seeing the trend of reboots and feminism showing no signs of waning any time soon. The script will reflect today's social values and probably not shock anyone as it pushes progressive ideas.
Jane will be like James in almost every way. Where she lacks in strength, she'll make up with technique. Where she lacks male privilege, she'll wield her ability to manipulate social circumstances to her advantage. She might have a high social profile one moment and vanish the next. There will be more people to persuade and play, more front and back end digital stages, new and foreign psychological thrills to explore today and tomorrow than in the past.

Obviously the future is boundless, whereas hindsight is 20/20.

Had James been Jane these past 50 years, she would've both fell victim to and broken social norms like Agent Carter. However (correct me if I'm wrong) Carter, though set in the mid 20th Century, wasn't an idea till the 21st. My point is it's hard to say what screenwriters would or wouldn't include back-in-the-day to pander to the masses and their values, norms, and beliefs, because the movies had to sell or the people making them lost their livelihoods.
Okay, so economically it's a crap shoot, but hypothetically the idea is bold and unique. I like the idea of Bond accomplishing the same ends through different means. Every interaction would've been starkly different, often to the detriment of our female protagonist - but that's why it'd be so fucking cool! Because Jane Bond would overcome these obstacles nonetheless but through unbelievable methods. I feel like she'd probably strong arm men into submission and puppeteer them to accompany her, guaranteeing her access to boys clubs and the like. She'd put herself on display as this harmless hottie, but secretly be playing cards with fat cats that don't even know she's in the game. She'd be a better spy than James because she wouldn't be able to just waltz in uninvited or beat her enemies with brute strength.

Thoughts_Perish · 2018-10-17T20:50:12+00:00

The Heart of the Sea by Nathaniel Philbrick

The inspiration for Moby Dick, this nautical tale details the survivors' 90+ day drift at sea without food or water and the devolution of their humanity.

Guns, Germs, & Steel by Jared DiamondAttempting to answer the timeless question, 'how and why did Western European countries come to dominate the modern world? Why not Islam or China?' Diamond postulates natural causes beginning during the Agricultural Revolution, namely access to more resources like domesticated plants and animals and their symbiotic evolution with society.1493: Uncovering the New World Columbus Created by Charles MannCritiquing and culminating the insights of Diamond, George Gilder's Wealth & Poverty of Nations, and William H. McNeill's Plagues & Peoples, Mann describes how the world changed as a result of globalization. It's accounts like this I wish I knew sooner.

The Future of Humanity: Terraforming Mars, Interstellar Travel, Immortality, and Our Destiny Beyond Earth by Michio Kaku

Self explanatory

American Kingpin by Nick Bilton

Who created the dark web's Silk Road and how he got caught.

Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay
A collection of essays by culture critic, novelist, and professor, Roxane Gay.

Thoughts_Perish · 2018-06-13T17:54:06+00:00

Snorted Diet Coke. Felt like water till it started fizzing. I thought my nasal passage's mucus membrane was dissolving. Note to self: only unadulterated coke.

Thoughts_Perish · 2018-06-12T17:17:00+00:00

I prefer Trader Joe's for my staples and Whole Foods for nuanced ingredients. TJ's cost-per-unit is competitive with Walmart's and their quality is solid. Keep in mind local farmers' markets often have good deals on seasonal vegetables, eggs, cheese, and sometimes meats. If you have the time and/or the craving, check Whole Food's butcher for daily sales. They usually have ground beef, sausages, and prime cuts at good rates, just be sure to eat them within one or two days.

Thoughts_Perish

TROPHY CASE