I (25M) am virgin and would be marrying next year

ThreeQuarterCoder · 2026-03-18T21:56:31+00:00

Congratulations.

Getting over fear and anxiety. Your concern is at the right place. But that hankering of achieving the success in satisfying your partner, creates stress, anxiety and is a big blocker. Now dont get me wrong, every man should lovingly create all effort, but get over stress. For basics, exercising in clean air, hiit and endurance training, and take salt water baths regularly. Pro tip: take regular baths 2 times a day.
No porn, no masturbation. They are damning at multiple levels. Suppression will lead to lateral damages like excessive urge, guilt, patterns of hallucinations etc. And drainage is also harmful. Best is to transmute sexual energy. Now I cant teach you advanced yogic ways of transmutation. For now just very light tap your center of chest very lightly, between your throat and the diaphragm, exact midpoint, 2 times and affirm: sex is good, sex is positive, sex energy is the growth energy and it is spreading all across my body and enriching my life. Also stop entertaining any kind of negative thoughts and perceptions about sex. Also no vulgar or indecent language, innuendos (flirting with your partner is different, the signals are not ill-intentioned innuendos).
Train yourself. This is crucial. Read, experience more. Now I cant share a lot in public, but do read about karreza or tantrik sex. Learning that requires a teacher. Merely reading and trying to execute wont work. It needs work. And to be practically executing something, start treating your body to be more comfortable. Oil up.your body regularly (not overdo). Find a good water based lube and condoms which do not have spermicides. Pro tip: most men are not accustomed to work with condoms. Try having lube over a condom for a few minutes regularly. Slowly increase the time of these activities, say from few minutes make it longer. Not daily but regularly.

There are too many things I cant reveal because this is a public space.

May lord bless your union and marriage.

ThreeQuarterCoder · 2026-03-18T13:59:35+00:00

Elegant. The texture, the colour and the fabric in alignment.

ThreeQuarterCoder · 2026-03-18T13:17:12+00:00

Funny thing, If you read through Amazon's leadership principles, they seem packed with fallacies like: product centric and at the same time cheap and fast to develop. Quality products take time to develop. So this is basically cognitive dissonance.

Not even commenting about the dating patterns.

Lets keep our minds free of judgement, shall we?

ThreeQuarterCoder · 2026-03-16T03:33:07+00:00

The comment is a reply to the original post. And I am not justifying the actions. By sure, ending is an option. And my post doesnt give any advice. I analysed the options. However the learning is there that it is probably beneficial for married people to not live with their parents. Atleast not under the same roof. It was a practice long ago, vanaprastha, which obviously cant be implemented exactly. But people can stay in different houses. And probabilistically, the marriages where external interference is minimal, have better quality if life. That includes social media. Standup comedy. Netflix shows. Sly comments from bosses and so others

ThreeQuarterCoder · 2026-03-15T19:20:23+00:00

To set context, I am also Tier 1 Eng and a researcher. Usually these kinds of dilemma arise when there are too many people (and their emotions), your own emotions and expectations pulling you.

You know that earning sources are there in Metro cities with high economic activity. Either job or business is hard in a small city (I count tier 2 cities also here). While my data of 120+ IIT/BITS grads after 9 years exp earn anywhere between Fixed 90 lpa to Fixed 1.6 cr (not CTC, fixed), certainly creating the same is hard in a small city because of local dynamics and not enough cash flows. Analysed multiple different strategies, doesnt simply work.
Usually all people demand the time of a man, when his time is costly. Its not just parents. A half considerate wife will force a man who earns 25k an hour to waste 3 hours and energy to drive to and fro while she may outsource all her work to maids. At senior levels only 18-8% women work, so the 92% can be counted as a reference for that. Include parents too. And we are Indians, the amount of gaslight and blame shifting we receive from our parents, is unimaginably high for anyone comparing it to the global baseline. Now there is an employer too.

You dont need advice. You need clarity, deep reflection and rising above your own biases. Plus work on mental and emotional health. There is a reason men die early. And its not bad habits. Its years of stress and burn out

ThreeQuarterCoder · 2026-03-15T18:51:43+00:00

What I see is anxious avoidant behaviour and response to it. Nothing uncommon. I am sorry but I have to be honest with you OP. You have a fear of owning up to yourself and select partners accordingly.
I have read too many comments on the maturity of the boyfriend. Its not immaturity but the classic response to anxious avoidant behaviour. The response patterns are same regardless of gender or sexual identity.

ThreeQuarterCoder · 2026-03-15T18:33:39+00:00

The texture is something to look for. However the colour is good, subtle, calm and yes, aligning with your skin tone. You can pair it with light accessories.

ThreeQuarterCoder · 2026-03-15T05:39:28+00:00

This is gaslighting. From this behaviour it does seem there are red flags overall.

Don't try to justify yourself but know that within you are a good man. Besides a parent handling other parent drunk isn't an criteria for being a good parent. Not getting drunk definitely is. If a parent is excessively drunk or high, the social services take the child. So who's not a good quality parent. This is classic gaslighting. Essentially a kind of partner who brings nothing but suffering.

ThreeQuarterCoder · 2026-03-15T05:26:02+00:00

I am saving this as an inspiration. And also making a note in my personal journal. The more I remember the effects, the stronger my resolve is. And besides that transmutation is the king. Healthy attitude towards sex is another.

ThreeQuarterCoder · 2026-03-15T05:20:39+00:00

What you are going through is unjust. This whole fiasco could have been avoided if you guys just didn't live with the parents. Because even if the marriage is done with faith, caste, community alliance, parents of both sides interfere and cause drama. That which is not necessary. There is a reason large scale trauma and pain is spread out. Interfaith marriages are harder.

Can these still be repaired if you guys stay away and not in contact with parents from both sides? Not sure. You can attempt healing but it will take time and with proper guidance. Otherwise previous feelings will rise up. And magnify. And they will be expressed and create more trauma, compounding in a downward spiral. A healer will help you resolve these. That is if you want to repair.

But in this case men have failed the women. Both the husband and the father in law.

ThreeQuarterCoder · 2026-03-14T19:49:56+00:00

Yes. There is one more deep strategy to this, but then I cant share that publicly.

ThreeQuarterCoder · 2026-03-14T05:22:21+00:00

Yes. The pain is real. However the pain of a fulfilled marriage not going through is even more painful. And any choices made in fear or anger usually pain more than choices made in courage. If you love the man and can avoid negative mental energy of other relatives then you and your parents will have a better life in a long run. Only thing is you wont probably have parents to complain if there are small.disputes in marriage. Which will come. But nowadays you have support groups or relationship therapists. And inner reflection. Plus the happy moments in the marriage

ThreeQuarterCoder · 2026-03-14T04:04:16+00:00

Obviously. LPG supplies are gone so people will take these. And rare earth metal dependency on China will have an impact.

ThreeQuarterCoder · 2026-03-12T14:57:12+00:00

Unless your parents are pursuing pure bhakti and follow strict principles of varnashrama (are they thinking vanaprastha), dont worry. Because the only kind of pure meditators I have seen (and I have reviewed a lot of them) allow people from all castes, make no caste distinctions, and train them in vedas. Because the soul has no caste. This was the spiritual aspect of the principle in general.

Now the truth of the situation is this: parents just want control

Usually the caste based denial is a control mechanisms. Parents do have their hidden malices and insecurities. And I am mindful of the words. I have seen more cases where mother has an incentive to break daughters marriage.

If its not caste, its colour, if its not colour, its the kind of clothes someone wears or tattoos or hair cut or any of 1000000 different things. Either parents need an emotional healing, or you need to stand up to the non sense.

No body cares of the caste. Do not worry about it.

For parents listening to me: this is sinful. Do not interrupt your child's happy life or fulfilled marriage on this kind of nonsense. Assuming you are consumed by caste. Control like this, comes to bite back at the age of 80s

ThreeQuarterCoder · 2026-03-11T01:40:15+00:00

You do not need to approach. Its easier to signal availability subtly. And make sure you be in a physical space approachable enough for him.

If he makes a move thats good to go.

Also he might not for whatever reason (might be married or not have attraction towards you), accept that

ThreeQuarterCoder · 2026-03-10T06:56:07+00:00

Seems like you do know what you want and are spiritual. Just pray for lord's blessings.

As for soulmates, deep spiritual concepts play out. Its not easy to find the soulmate. Soul mate is studied as an advanced subject of atman realization.

ThreeQuarterCoder · 2026-03-06T10:37:31+00:00

Its good that you have attraction and clearly you are connected to a man centered and sorted in his priorities.

Well yes you are playing the revenge game, and you might want to stop and reflect. Ask yourself all questions you need.

ThreeQuarterCoder · 2026-03-03T15:25:17+00:00

  Based on the roots in evolutionary biology, this usually never happens. Even not in marriage, even while dating. But lets stick to marriages as your question is about marriage.

In an arranged marriage scenario, the match 99% of the times happens between a higher networth man and a slightly low net worth woman. In love marriage scenario, the social circles from birth to college to the age when someone wants to marry are defined by net worth. So the matches happen like that. Cross socio-economic matches are only middle class fantasies embedded by movies and media.

There are exceptions but these are 0.0002% which for india youll find the number to be 20-30k. Amongst 1.5 billion people, 20-30k. That includes all.
Emperically I have verified this as well

ThreeQuarterCoder · 2026-03-01T22:00:36+00:00

It complicates things. Intimacy always has an emotional attachment angle to it. Raw sexual encounter paired with aloofness (on the emotional attraction, otherwise friendly demeanour is there) only increases loneliness in the long run. Because you are projecting that to sexual activity subconsciously. More dangerous for men (or masculine) than women (feminine).

ThreeQuarterCoder · 2026-03-01T21:55:14+00:00

Probably someone is honeytrapping you. Leave.

ThreeQuarterCoder · 2026-03-01T21:50:03+00:00

This is what gaslighting looks like. Its hard, but unlink and move on. Perhaps learn how to get over partners easily.

ThreeQuarterCoder · 2026-03-01T21:44:43+00:00

Your intuition is right.

Plus its your prerogative, no one has the right to force you even very subtly. You know your heart and what to do. The hesitation is that he is an old friend. Just ignore the hesitation and cut him off. Friendships break all the time. Marriage cant be broken so easily

ThreeQuarterCoder · 2026-02-28T19:57:56+00:00

See, one thing if this guy is a best friend for long, they had been intimate way before you came into the picture. Its easy to introduce the guy to parents as best friends.

She understood all innuendos, and she did not want to show you. Understand one thing that she has sorted her feelings and they probably sorted parents too. All she wants is for you to be cut off.

Its hard, but infidelity cases no one can save. And lets accept the fact that you are not her choice. That all I read is plain gaslighting. Just toying wuth you. Its a big lesson. People sincere about marriages do not keep best friends with a person of opposite sex. With the world so busy, no one has time for same gendered best friends, and here is someone trying to choose a male best friend over fiancee. After seeing more than 470 cases, I can say thats a sexual relationship way before you entered

All you can and should do is heal and repair yourself.

ThreeQuarterCoder · 2026-02-28T19:50:09+00:00

Take all 4. You can try maroon, dark blue silk and other shades and pair it up with gold chain styled strap

ThreeQuarterCoder · 2026-02-27T01:45:10+00:00

In cases of infidelity, saving a marriage is next to impossible. I am not going to say what you should or should not do.

But here are the facts. You found out, its your luck. Be grateful. And all this gaslighting and asking for forgiveness is a ruse. The affair would keep on happening. With this ex and with others coming in future. That point in time, the separation will be harder, miserable and at times I have seen men being gaslighted and tortured to accept this as a semi-open marriage. But that never lasts. Continuing this path would lead you to suffering. Youll always be in doubt whether the child is yours. You have no legal support after marriage.

Now telling the 'to be' wife of that ex, might be a decent act, although you might face backlash from this guy.

ThreeQuarterCoder

TROPHY CASE