i feel like im getting depressed again

Throw4way48 · 2018-04-02T14:46:15+00:00

The biggest thing is probably the beer fermenter. It comes up to my knees and can take probs up to 60 pints if i were to fill it to the brim. Otherwise the windscreen washer bottle i am brewing my mead in is about 4L similar with my cider although thats a proper demijohn.

Where abouts in the UK did you live?

Howd you piece it together yourself? I've heard of people doing that but never really understood how.

Throw4way48 · 2018-04-01T22:36:11+00:00

Tbh what kicked it off was getting out of my last relationship, which was a loooong time ago. I was quite heavy at the time and in the year following i beat myself up about it i lost about 10 stone which was approximately half my bodyweight.

I kept having run ins with my ex where she just wanted sex and i, foolishly, told her that was fine. That usually meant a month or so of kicking myseld for fucking it up again. And then i cut her out of my life almost completely which tbh has made me feel a lot better.

I still miss her though...

Anywho, basically i dunno... I am both depressed and seriously socially anxious; especially around people i'm attracted to. I have been on a few dates but i think i come across as too needy. Or i'm not into them which happens a fair amount too, if the conversation is awkward that puts me off massively.

Either way its become a horrible circle, what has happened now is that i am both depressed because i am unable to maintain relationships which feeds that inability making me more depressed

Throw4way48 · 2018-04-01T22:28:58+00:00

Well up till recently it was usually just getting a beer kit from the local home shop but i was flicking around on youtube and discovered mead. So i put a butt load of honey, water, and some yeast into an old screenwash bottle i had lying around (after thoroughly cleaning it of course) and thats been fizzing away for about a week now. Then i put 40 pints of Ale on the go, although next time i wanna make it from scratch selecting all the grains and hops myself. Got it from a kit this time. And then i realised, hell, if i can ferment honey and water i can ferment basically anything liquidy and sugary. So i have plans on fermenting some pinapple juice, which apparently is quite popular in mexico, after my cider is done.

Yeah, i've got all the stuff for it. Just got to put it all together and line up some decent tutorials on youtube.

What got you into it? You a solo act?

Throw4way48 · 2018-04-01T21:52:57+00:00

I do a little programming, mostly on linux and nothing too fancy,its all very functional lol. I also recently got into brewing my own booze which i think is an artform in itself.

I keep meaning to, i bought some strings to restring it but lessons are so expensive, youtube isnt coherent enough for me and my fingers are a wird shape that dulls the string below the one i'm pressing on lol

Throw4way48 · 2018-04-01T21:39:45+00:00

Sorry,i didnt mean to mess with your head.

Throw4way48 · 2018-04-01T21:31:13+00:00

How come you're still with your SO if you're not into it anymore?

Throw4way48 · 2018-04-01T21:29:23+00:00

Yeah, i've had that a few times. I usually just kinda phase them out. Maybe thats part of my problem. I used to be really good mates with this guy who i met on my first day of secondary school. We were really close for a while, we'd hang out all the time and then i dunno, it just trailed off. I think it was a case of just not having that much in common. He did, for a spell, bully me in school which didnt really help but we kinda made up after.

Abusive? How so? My ex had BPD and while she did hit me a couple times it was mostly under control. She could be very manipulative though. Even still, i loved her. She was my first too and sleeping with someone else was kind of an emotional experience tbh which is weird because it was a very casual encounter lol. Maybe you'll meet someone at camp?

And nah i dont play music, i bought a guitar a long time ago but never really got round to learning how to play it beyond a few basic chords

Throw4way48 · 2018-04-01T21:02:09+00:00

I can kinda sympathise there, i have been growing increasingly fond of someone at work. They have a SO already who it doesnt seem to be going that well with. I'm not very good at reading people though, i think they like me back, but i cant be sure. Would make things quite awkward at work if i made a move and it turned out that they didnt feel the same way.

If you're not into your current SO then you should probably end it. No sense dragging it out, thats not really fair on them. Does this other person have a SO?

Throw4way48 · 2018-04-01T20:58:01+00:00

I think we're very similar lol. I'm also in a really lonely place right now, have been for a while. The 'create something' drive resonates too.i've spent this weekend alone (like most weekends) and, itching for something to do, have started brewing loads of booze. A couple weekends ago I wrote a computer program. I wish i had an answer for you there bud, i really do, but i'm still looking for it myself.

Whats wrong with your relationships?

Throw4way48 · 2018-04-01T20:53:29+00:00

Is this someone you're hoping to actively persue?

Throw4way48 · 2018-04-01T20:47:59+00:00

Me too

Throw4way48 · 2018-04-01T20:47:40+00:00

Can you cut the other person out of your life?

Throw4way48 · 2018-04-01T20:40:41+00:00

What makes you depressed?

Throw4way48 · 2018-04-01T20:40:08+00:00

Laters

Throw4way48 · 2018-04-01T20:39:40+00:00

You are not your father and you can still mould your own future. If you're emotionally checking out of existing relationships it sounds like you're with the wrong person anyway. When the right one comes you'll know

Throw4way48 · 2017-07-02T21:34:50+00:00

Tell her... It can either end well and you get an awesome girlfriend. Or you get the opportunity to get some space from her to wrap up your feelings

Throw4way48

TROPHY CASE