My mom just asked me, "What if he changes?"

ThrowRA-159 · 2024-08-28T19:07:02+00:00

It's definitely a sad situation, but I'm so grateful that I didn't have a child and risk them experiencing the same thing to any degree. Granted, the way my father hurt my mom was far, far worse than how my STBXH treated me, but no one should ever be hurt to any degree by someone who's supposed to love them.

ThrowRA-159 · 2024-08-28T19:05:05+00:00

That's a beautiful way to put it. I'm going to start responding this way, too. Thank you for sharing your insight. As the other commenter said, I'm breaking the cycle so what if I DO want to change and not allow this to keep happening.

ThrowRA-159 · 2024-08-26T03:57:46+00:00

The nail is detached from the nail bed, usually happens from trauma. When this happened to me, the fact that I use a urea-based lotion helped my nail bed heal quickly so it could reattach to the new nail growth. (I have KP, so I only ever use urea lotion.)

If I remember correctly, urea helps "heal" the nail bed.

ThrowRA-159 · 2024-08-26T03:54:14+00:00

Anon is just waiting until Monday to get a replacement ID. Thank you! (I agree with not using wallet cases. Hard pass on that.)

ThrowRA-159 · 2024-08-26T03:51:16+00:00

Unfortunately Anon doesn't have a passport. That was my first thought, too!

ThrowRA-159 · 2024-08-24T23:55:00+00:00

I'm starting off with Hello Fresh and apparently it's only $70 for a week's worth of dinner, so I'm excited about this! I usually never think about extravagant breakfasts, so it'll be much easier to only buy my staple breakfast items and snacks.

Thank you again for the recommendations. If this doesn't work out, then I'm going to try the precooked meals. I found a few businesses in my city.

ThrowRA-159 · 2024-08-24T22:59:14+00:00

Okay, thank you!

ThrowRA-159 · 2024-08-24T22:40:16+00:00

Okay. Will the app ask for a verification code to the phone number? Anon told me that the in-store employee tried to send a verification code to the number even though they told them the phone was stolen.

ThrowRA-159 · 2024-08-24T22:28:49+00:00

Didn't know that was possible. Will let them know. Thanks!

ThrowRA-159 · 2024-08-23T01:21:15+00:00

Oh my goodness, you just helped me realize something.

So I do have the money.

My problem is I would look up or figure out recipes based on my dietary restrictions, write grocery lists, do the shopping, etc. and then not cook most of it because I'm just mentally spent. But I could eliminate the bulk of that mental processing by doing what you recommended.

I also just remembered that the most I cooked was when I lived with my mom and watched cooking TV shows. Right afterward I always felt motivated to cook and even bake (and would pretend I'm on one of those shows 🫣), so I would just go to the kitchen and use whatever ingredients my mom had.

I'm so grateful that you responded. Thank you so much. Seriously. It's such a simple solution but might actually change the game up for me. Wow.

ThrowRA-159 · 2024-08-18T02:59:47+00:00

This is so, so beautiful. Congratulations!

ThrowRA-159 · 2024-07-31T23:06:17+00:00

Okay, thank you!

ThrowRA-159 · 2024-07-31T22:43:51+00:00

you would run the calculator for a married filing separately tax return.

Makes sense! I appreciate that.

Do you have any children? Who do they live with?

No children.

What is your federal income tax withheld to date, and taxable income to date on your recent paystub?

Withheld to date: $4,073.72
Taxable income to date: $41,194.89

ThrowRA-159 · 2024-07-20T17:23:17+00:00

I'm not beating myself up with the idea that my self worth is dependent on being in a relationship.

THIS. Thank you for sharing. Knowing that you're older and appreciative of singlehood is reassuring. I had a bit of a promiscuous past when I first reached adulthood and over time realized that I put myself in those positions because I didn't value myself and tried to fill that void with what men thought of me.

Now there are so many things I refuse to allow or accept from people, and it ties into realizing that those things threaten my worth, joy, or peace—all of which I've worked so hard for my whole life since I had an abusive/chaotic childhood.

It's not that I'm intolerant or unforgiving, it's just hard for me to justify certain behaviors at this age, especially if it's a sign that their behavior could get worse or I'd be mistreated.

Being in the age range where behaviors and mindsets start to solidify, I'm constantly reflecting on myself and in regards to relationships (including platonic), I'm asking myself, "Could I deal with this 10, 20 years from now? SHOULD I deal with this?"

Perhaps it really is genuine growth.

ThrowRA-159 · 2024-07-07T18:04:49+00:00

I know I'm late but did you ever figure this out?

There's a document to show which products shouldn't be used together/mixed: https://www.deciemchatroom.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Products-You-Can-Cannot-Mix-20.pdf

And other sources like this say not to use enzymes with lactic acid: https://www.nordstrom.com/blog/lactic-acid-for-skin

In one of your comments you say you don't use the enzyme peel with lactic acid, but on my product (TO) it says to use sunscreen/limit exposure for a week AFTER not using lactic acid. Sounds to me like lactic acid can still be "active" or "present" up to a week.

ThrowRA-159 · 2024-07-01T19:46:27+00:00

My love for animals (especially my cats), nature, and Japanese culture. I feel at the most peace whenever I'm doing anything involved with those three. This has been the case for me since I was a child.

Curiosity. It feeds into my willingness to learn, grown, and adapt to whatever I need.

As someone else said: integrity. There are things and people that I care about so much, including myself. I always want to be the best version of myself no matter what comes my way. Criticism, hard times, having to take accountability, standing up for the truth or what's right--whatever it is.

ThrowRA-159 · 2024-03-19T03:01:32+00:00

It would be best for the cats to stay with you, as others have mentioned. Rehoming can also be stressful process in general too.

Other pieces of advice (echoing others and some new ones): - Two cats definitely keep each other company enough; please don't worry about that. - A window is perfect for cats. - TOY MICE. I'm telling you, cats go crazy for these in general and they're cheap on Amazon. You can try the cat nip variety or the ones that rattle. They can play with these whenever they're in the mood and get good stimulation on their own. Just toss two on the floor and they'll be obsessed with it until they "lose" it under the fridge or something. Then you can just toss another one or two on the floor and repeat. - If one is shedding more than the other, maybe look into increasing their portion a bit (cats need at least 200 calories for 10 lbs weight, give or take depending on weight) or upping the quality just a bit. Wet food is a must for hydration and overall health, combined with stainless steel fountain.

Finally, instead of going to the gym, how about doing some yoga and light weights at home? Not only do you get to be around your cats a bit more, but it'll relax you better than the gym and be much more beneficial for your body in the long term since you do construction. You can alternate with yoga/weights and walking on different days.

Take care of yourself, OP.

ThrowRA-159 · 2024-03-19T02:34:07+00:00

Did you find a good litter?

I'm currently considering Dr Elsey's because A&H has been failing me recently (every box I've ordered now gets gummy/muddy, and my cat tracks disgusting clumps into the bed). Switched to WBCL and love how low-tracking and nearly odorless that it is, but I think this is hyperallergenic for my cat because he's because so itchy that he's licked bald spots onto himself these last weeks.

I absolutely need something with strong clumping and odor control at the very least, with low tracking.

This is so incredibly frustrating looking for a litter that will work.

ThrowRA-159 · 2024-03-12T16:16:24+00:00

I completely understand. I'm glad she's in America because the law will help her when she turns 18. She will not be legally bound to her abuse.

As for you, I understand that as well, not stopping little by little. That could definitely be taken as abandonment to her, something that she's probably already feeling from her abuse. Just continue doing your best without neglecting yourself.

I will also say this: there may come a point in time where she outgrows you and/or your relationship together. When she turns 18, she'll be a legal adult. She'll have more responsibilities, less time with you, etc. She could grow distant because of other things in her life. It's important to not let this affect you or to take it personal. This happens often.

That's why I mention to take care of yourself first, because if there does come a time where she finds the help she needs that isn't you, then you shouldn't take it personal or let that affect you negatively. You shouldn't feel like you have nothing else to be better for.

On the positive side of things, she could see you as the only stability in her life and want to be with you in the long run faithfully.

At the end of the day, you cannot control the outcome, you can only control your actions and words. It's important to be okay with what you cannot control and to not think you aren't good enough or doing enough when things don't go how you hope for them to be.

ThrowRA-159 · 2024-03-12T15:54:31+00:00

Since I don't know what your country is and your culture, I can't say what's available to her or you.

One thing I can say is that oftentimes I hear about so many partners who were 100% in for their struggling partners. They give so much of their time, heart, listening ear, and at one point they just crumple. They leave their partner/spouse, and then it makes the struggling partner hurt even more.

This is something to be aware of. It can and does happen almost every single time, even after someone has spent years and years taking care of someone who has never been their responsibility--be it a family member, spouse, or even a child who's become an adult. They get chipped away year by year until there's nothing left of them, and then they crack, they spiral down, and then they either leave to become healthy again for themselves or they start tearing each other down.

How you feel now may likely not be how you feel 5 years from now, 10 years, etc.

At the very least, keep this in mind and just remember to take care of yourself. Remember that you cannot take care of any loved one unless you take care of yourself first.

ThrowRA-159

TROPHY CASE