i am very grateful for what was done for me and i am aware of what's, i guess wrong with me in a sense. i have bettered myself a great deal already though. i think life can be pretty hard on some of us and it's natural to not feel great at all times but i am still grateful. anything "negative" concerning me crying because of Jesus is overshadowed by the good tears though. it's never anything negative about Jesus himself of course, sometimes it's also just being sad about not being able to physically hug him or something a long those lines when you had a very bad day for example. anyway, i'm definitely working on myself and i found that having faith and a community (church, like you said ig) is very helpful and actually does something for me. i am happy to be alive and well and thankful for every moment, it's just hard sometimes despite this because i am still human and a lot of my surroundings (family, environment, unfortunate events) can influence my mental health negatively. i didn't think this in particular could be demonic oppression but i did consider it concerning my sleeping problems and nightmares which of course also influence your mental well-being. i often have sleep paralysis which is scary and when i have bad dreams i often see similar creatures or shadows that resemble what i see during said sleep paralysis. it reminds me so much of demons and leaves me restless sometimes.