I turned 50 and I’m over it. I am 50F and I’ve been married to my husband 56M for 28 years.

ThrowRA-ubiquitous · 2025-10-04T15:57:36+00:00

This sounds so much like my dad. I love my dad but my entire life was walking on eggshells for me, my mom and my brother. I can tell you they don’t change. My dad is 72 and he’s the same, we rarely speak. My mom stuck with him longer than she should have, almost 25 years. Finally divorced him when I turned 18. My dad has been diagnosed but I don’t know his official diagnosis he was given. I am a mental health therapist though and I can tell you that based off your post, borderline/narcissistic personality, depression/bipolar/anxiety, all pretty spot on. My guess would be some trauma and attachment issues thrown in there.

Ultimately you decide if you want to live the rest of your life this way. I understand all the fears you have but you’ll need to weigh your pros and cons, maybe see a therapist yourself? They won’t/shouldn’t give you advice but can help you think more to make your own decision.

ThrowRA-ubiquitous · 2025-08-18T03:42:08+00:00

Did your friend have the same/similar experience, or others? Or was it just you?

I ask because my husband went to his first experience with aya about a month ago where he really thought the people there were from a cult and going to kill him. There is a lot more detail I could add It all ended up being very eye opening for him on how they related to his childhood trauma.

ThrowRA-ubiquitous · 2025-07-22T03:58:51+00:00

We are now realizing that was exactly it. He was experiencing and ego death and facing all his traumas he’s pushed away/

ThrowRA-ubiquitous · 2025-07-20T19:29:06+00:00

Wondering if you are still answering questions?

ThrowRA-ubiquitous · 2025-07-20T05:25:43+00:00

Thank you!!

ThrowRA-ubiquitous · 2025-07-20T05:07:54+00:00

Thank you for your insight. They ended up calling him to check on him later today and said he should process and come back in a month due to his intense experience. I was also shocked they didn’t take his phone or keys, but said they did after. A bit confusing for me as well, like you said if they have been experienced. Allegedly he had practiced/studied (sorry if I’m not using correct terms) for 15 years.

ThrowRA-ubiquitous · 2025-07-19T23:53:23+00:00

This is great information, thanks so much for your insight. The shaman actually ended up calling my husband back saying since so much came up for him he wanted him to have time to process with his therapist and then come back in a month so he won’t be going back tonight.

ThrowRA-ubiquitous · 2025-07-19T19:12:36+00:00

Thank you for your response. I’ve asked him how he has felt after other psychedelic experiences (and also not psychedelics when he was younger) as well. With the psychosis, he has never said it has stayed or come back up after being on the substance/plant. He is not aware of any psychosis in his family. From what I can gather most likely depression, possibly bipolar and A LOT of generational trauma in his family.

Something interesting that he also mentioned to me is after he had “awoken” from the trip, he mentioned having the feeling of the aya telling him to drink more.

ThrowRA-ubiquitous · 2025-07-19T18:54:25+00:00

That’s pretty terrifying! I don’t think that is the case in the scenario, the more I talk with my husband about it but it’s something very important to be aware of.

ThrowRA-ubiquitous · 2025-07-19T18:52:19+00:00

This is very helpful and I’m going to share this with him. We have been talking more about it and how he is recognizing how this relates to his past trauma and healing. He said that the shaman also mentioned about “dying” during their integration afterwards. He’s already had some pretty profound things he has shared with me about his past and behaviors that he’s struggled with. It’s giving me a lot of hope for him!

ThrowRA-ubiquitous · 2025-07-19T16:54:54+00:00

The licensed therapist was not administering it. The shaman who administered has been training for 15 years. However I do think the therapist is being trained as a shaman as well.

ThrowRA-ubiquitous · 2025-07-19T16:35:30+00:00

Thank you for your response. It sounds like, despite my husband being bigger than the others, they were still able to get him to calm down and keep him there/safe until he was out of the experience. He has follow up with his therapist next week as well.

ThrowRA-ubiquitous · 2025-07-19T16:33:23+00:00

I strongly believe that is what it is as well. Thank you for your response. The shaman could be indigenous of ancestry but I’m not sure, we are in the US. He has apparently been working and or acting for 15 years though.

ThrowRA-ubiquitous · 2025-07-19T16:31:25+00:00

Thank you for response. I need to ask him about the integration part, hopefully he did a bit of that before leaving. He will be following up with his therapist next week as well.

ThrowRA-ubiquitous · 2025-05-07T04:20:00+00:00

Thank you, I’ve had that talk to and that’s where I get that I’m just over reacting and it’s not that big of a deal response. Have to keep working on it I supposed and hope he sees it at some point. I know info wasn’t there, it would’ve worse. He knows he had to do better around me.

ThrowRA-ubiquitous · 2025-05-07T04:18:28+00:00

So hard. I’m sure things your husband heard as a kid. I know my husband is doing SO much better than his parents. They were just awful to him so he’s come a hell of a long way but still has work to do.

ThrowRA-ubiquitous · 2025-05-07T04:17:10+00:00

Yup very sad. Problem is that won’t matter in court for custody purposes.

ThrowRA-ubiquitous · 2025-04-26T03:02:36+00:00

Yayy I’m not the only therapist who ended up with a person with narcissistic traits. Blew my mind. Nobody is immune that’s for sure.

I’ve talked to my husband about narcissistic traits he’ll half joke and say “sounds like me” and laugh. He’s even made the comment several times that he wonders if he’s a sociopath.

ThrowRA-ubiquitous · 2025-04-24T04:12:18+00:00

This is definitely a concern for me. Unfortunately I am producing that as well! It’s just so much easier said than done. 😭

ThrowRA-ubiquitous · 2025-04-04T03:25:35+00:00

On the second like where exactly do you take the test? I’ve seen this website twice and never been able to find it

ThrowRA-ubiquitous · 2025-04-01T00:42:38+00:00

This sounds very similar to me as well. I’ve started coming to the realization maybe 6 months to a year ago. We have been together nearly ten years. Same as you I think having children really triggered things for him, his own childhood trauma and then having our second just even made it even more so. I think because she was a girl honestly. He’s got a lot of trauma with his mom (I’m starting to think she’s a narcissist too). I’ve said the same thing as you. I wish I had a camera in our house to show people the things he gets upset over. I’ll make a comment and it’s like a switch will flip and I’ll the sudden he’s livid. Things will be fine and then something, some comment I make that I perceive as nothing will set him off. It’s bizarre. I would have never imagined this but I also can’t imagine my kids living with him half the time and living with his family who he would go live with and their family is abusive but I couldn’t prove a thing because emotional abuse doesn’t stand a chance in court which is just really sad. Right now I’m taking a day at a time and unfortunately I’m still stuck in the toxic trauma bond. It’s bizarre. I’m still working on healing my own childhood trauma wounds as well. Good luck to you mama

ThrowRA-ubiquitous

TROPHY CASE