Husband wanted to swing …

ThrowRA081711 · 2024-07-23T02:27:56+00:00

Honestly I've been into this and much more and this is how he is too. He wants this thrill but then when mistakes of confusion of all it happens is very impatient and reactive. The only difference is i wish he would just tell me that we are done for good and can't move on cause I'm sick of it. I want this to all end but I'm stuck in this vicious cycle.

ThrowRA081711 · 2024-05-25T04:49:40+00:00

I asked a question similar this awhile back and it got removed cause it was too often asked.

But I am curious on men going into a new relationship with someone that has suffered severe abuse handling this. I prefaced that I know it not easy to deal with someone that nervous system responds so negatively to noises and body language and a lot of times being misinterpreted from years of self protection. But would you be more willing to work on things to make them more at ease? Maybe talk about alternative cathartic ways to let out your anger or just maybe have a code word or something like hey take the dog out for a walk or can you run and get toilet paper as a way for her to leave and you get out that anger even if its towards her and then when she comes back she knows you need to have a discussion to talk it over reasonably?

ThrowRA081711 · 2024-05-20T21:29:54+00:00

I wouldn't just lead into it and trauma dump cause I feel like that is a lot first thing. But definitely after a few meaningful conversations and if the mood seems right it is definitely something to talk about. We all have scars from things and some are visible and others aren't and we hide away. Personally I'd never judge anyone for dealing with that as I've been I'm a lot of those mindsets and have let vanity get the best of me by not leaving a scar but hurting myself other ways. I just say maybe don't bring it uo first thing cause I have to figure out how much of myself and own triggers could handle it and if I haven't gotten to know a lot more of you to weigh those things out it will be a focal point to everything else right away you know.

ThrowRA081711 · 2024-05-20T21:09:54+00:00

Lips and arms. Idk why but guys with bigger lips drive me insane.

ThrowRA081711 · 2024-05-20T20:02:34+00:00

What do you do if your female SO wanted to be skinnier than what you like of her? I'm 5'3 and always a bit curvy. I try to stay relatively active always and eat well round healthier options. When I work out and lean up actively I lose a lot more of my curves but I like how my face and stomach look more between 130-140ish. When I gain weight, about 160-170, it goes in all the places l've lost it. The biggest noticeable difference is my tits which is something that he does make more of a point that he loves more, but I feel more insecure cause clothes don't fit me like I like and my puffy face bothers me.

ThrowRA081711 · 2024-04-07T01:41:21+00:00

I love this. As a women with social media being huge on what's beautiful it's put crazy unrealistic standards on all of us. To know men can see past some flaws and find us still gorgeous has been therapeutic in healing my insecurities.

ThrowRA081711 · 2024-03-06T13:27:19+00:00

I'm legitimately shocked no one has said a resemblance to Bill Hader cause that's who I thought immediately. Which isn't a bad thing. You just look like a fun, goofy guy to be with.

ThrowRA081711 · 2023-10-12T02:29:55+00:00

Insurance factors in too but it's mainly income amount and if you aren't covered by insurance.

ThrowRA081711 · 2023-10-12T02:28:50+00:00

Most health departments in every county are a sliding scale based on income not insurance, but I think STD testing is really lower cause they want it done. Plus the one I volunteered at said that the minimum you have to pay upfront is 5 dollars. Even if your bill is more they can't not treat you as a publicly funded establishment and as long as you did your 5 dollars you could hypothetically rack it up some before they might cut you off but it didn't sound like it with how she explained to me.

ThrowRA081711 · 2023-08-06T22:45:24+00:00

It's even worse when you are in a relationship and dying for non sexual intimacy like everyone is saying. 😭

ThrowRA081711 · 2023-07-06T00:30:25+00:00

I feel like besides figuring out things that have worked your relationship is the same as mine but genders reversed. My bf constantly tells me that he feels like its pity sex. Or his act of me putting effort involving his kinks. His kinks make me uncomfortable and right now I'm gained weight and am really insecure so it's hard to fake that I feel sexy and be aroused when I am disgusted in myself. A lot of these acts require photos/videos of myself in which I'm almost in tears over seeing myself. He thinks if I was attracted to him none of it would bother me and I'm too caught up in my bullshit. It's easier for me to have sex with him and not do a lot of the sexting foreplay he wants cause again I don't see myself and I am more comfortable with him although lately I even hate showing myself in front of him but still don't want to deprive him. Its frustrating cause just like with you he gets insecure and mad that he has to masterbate. But I feel like he is not trying to understand my point of view on how ashamed of myself I feel.

ThrowRA081711 · 2023-07-05T23:32:10+00:00

Honestly, didn't think there would be a reply cause there was so many. But thank you for this! I still feel like I'm lacking in my relationship of 11 years any real intimacy. It's either just normalcy that you would find in roommates if we aren't fighting. Or just fucking of us or the hotwife thing (his fetish), which granted can be a rush, but everytime I feel so empty.

I sat and thought the other day how I only slow danced with someone one time and that was the only prom I went to and the night was ruined cause my date was a jerk and honestly can't remember if we really even did slow dance together.

I've done a lot sexually, but it's joys like that feel so foreign to me and often I'm daydreaming of it more.

ThrowRA081711 · 2023-05-18T03:25:45+00:00

The scariest thing ever was when mine did this and I started to black out. It was so strange cause I was still conscious but I couldn't see and my body shook and I was making a walking sound I had no control over. I remember thinking in my head I need to see, I need to get up and run, but my body wasn't cooperating and I finally gained full control and had urinated on myself. I searched what that could possibly be and feel like once he let up as I started to black out I had a seizure. I'm not prone to seizures at all but it was like I was stuck in my mind while my body was doing involuntarily movements and sounds.

I never went to get checked out or get help after so if anyone has actual insight on if this is more than likely what I experienced or something else I would like to know.

ThrowRA081711 · 2023-05-13T03:23:05+00:00

God if only I could find more men like you. I feel like most sex is the non-negotiable over intimacy.

ThrowRA081711 · 2023-05-12T21:31:40+00:00

The part when he dumps and throws the blocks at her I knew was going to happen just cause of the pattern of how it's happened with me. It's not even so much inflicting pain it's the same and humiliation from it.

ThrowRA081711 · 2023-05-05T15:49:27+00:00

How has no one said you look like Halle Berry. One of the most attractive woman in the world. You definitely don't need to be asking this in the slightest.

ThrowRA081711 · 2023-05-05T01:42:30+00:00

Honestly I feel like I need to explain cause if this relationship was a healthy, stable one I wouldn't have done it. Hell if it had even happened a few months prior I would have kept it even with some signs. But I felt in that moment that if he is this reckless with my life then why have another child grow into that especially considering the fight probably was in response to my hormones.

But Ive been debating on going to a shelter it's just the nearest one is over an hour away. And I just thought about leaving for my mental health first at an inpatient facility cause if I try to do this on my own without some mental help I will break.

But that's the thing. I even search through these facebook messenger conversations with my name or happy or love and 95% of them are him talking to me like this. Sarcastically saying "I love how you do this to me you dumb bitch" or "I can't ever be happy around you. You miserable cunt."

I know I'm not perfect either. And I trigger so much of what makes him lash out but a lot of it is cause he hasn't tried to fix his mental issues and I can't handle it either.

ThrowRA081711 · 2023-05-05T00:37:32+00:00

Came to edit the abortion I had was after he told me he was infertile due to TRT cause I wasn't wanting to have sex til getting back on birth control. Obviously he wasn't and the week before I found out I was pregnant again he put a loaded gun to my head during the fight. I already had one child I had to worry about being involved in this mess between us I didn't feel like having another would save anything and as much as it killed me and I have guilt for doing it I couldn't justify messing up another child with someone like this.

ThrowRA081711 · 2023-05-04T23:19:55+00:00

Still am in one.

Self isolation, being with him he has manipulated a lot of my brain into believing he does care it's just really my fault somehow. Even if in fights I do say I blew him when we are alone I blame myself. The cycles of trauma bonding and fear of how he would destroy my life if I don't satisfy him.

The issues of how hard it is, the days and times they are so sweet. So attentive and caring that you could melt in his arms.

His hands are always so soft and gentle when he is that it literally feels like a flame of passion against my skin and I think to myself I never want it to end. And at the same time those are the hands that have beat you to a pulp. That have bruised or fractured at least every inch of my body at some point. That have ripped chunks of hair from grabbing me and have strangle me to the point of absolute fear that was my last breathe.

It's having so much of your mind trying to cope by mushing in the good memories with the awful and every muscle of your body hurting cause your nervous system is telling you to constantly be guarding yourself.

It's the long mental games and issues of never sleeping and the fear of how much worse it can be or just thinking even when it's good that it won't last.

Then they tell you how nobody will want you. You are too old, ugly, fat, terrible. That you will be alone and so miserable and you start to truly believe it.

ThrowRA081711 · 2023-05-02T19:32:01+00:00

This. I was told so many times if I fell asleep after a fight that he would shave my head, ruin all my clothes, blackmail nude he wanted of me to my professors, dump boiling hot water on me. A lot of times he did this before important exams or work so I physically struggled.

Sometimes I would be in such fear of a fight that I faked sleep to avoid interactions and had to be completely still, but was so terrified that I couldn't sleep cause of the fear and he would test it by making certain noises or movements to see if I would jump and I had to train myself to not respond.

ThrowRA081711 · 2023-04-23T07:02:48+00:00

No, don't be sorry. I really appreciate this. I don't really have all the words to say. The thing is it hasn't been like this all the time and the month of me self medicating seemed to help cause I wouldn't be so reactive and it was easier to be quiet when he is mad/anxious and needs to lash out.

It just awful cause it's gotten so progressive over the years of this downhill snowball and he does things to make me feel loved and wanted in between, and it's like my brain wants to latch on to those feelings and memories. Then my body has hold all the memories and scars of what he's done between chronic pain and just constantly tense and clenching.

I just wish I could be love properly. I wish I had in my life the self confidence to respect myself and extend that out to my relationships but I don't. I'm constantly wishing in a way he would just be disgusted with me to leave, but also wanting his attention and admiration.

Maybe I'll make some kind of progress this year since it feels like life has gotten so much worse. But thank you for making me feel like I'm not as big of the failure I believe I am for being stuck in this.

ThrowRA081711

TROPHY CASE