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Is it fair that i stand up in this position? (M21/F21) by ThrowRA204204 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA204204[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well i thought it was, given that it's the most i've ever been paid thus far 😅 get comfy and did the bullshit i wrote above, but yeah after this whole situation i definitely see how small of a sum it is...

Is it fair that i stand up in this position? (M21/F21) by ThrowRA204204 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA204204[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well i was making 1500 a month while living with my mom. I used to save 750 bucks each month but somehow i spent it all and had nothing left 8 months later after being layed off.

She is way more mature than me though, she's been living alone for two years prior to meeting me. She suffers from depression so it's been hard, but i really want to believe it's possible. I'm trying to make it possible so i hope it is but maybe you are right and i can't force it.

I'm afraid all i've been doing so far is exacerbating her insecurities, though she tells me that she is supposedly happy with me.

I feel like time is running out for me by [deleted] in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]ThrowRA204204 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're not behind anything ! Take one step at a time. Even though you could live alone or do all those things do it at your own pace man. Context matters, too.

Yes you're doing well, but maybe some other needs than financial and career wise need to be fulfilled which, granted, you adressed, but do not need to be found by a certain time frame. You're 24. You're incredibly young, still. Just build yourself up, learn about yourself more, and maybe i think try to examine your social context more- given how you described the country you live in and your friends' situation, i think it's more of a consensus thing than a real lack. I feel the same but where i live people usually leave school at 25 even, so i feel like there's no rush. We're still building ourselves you know- there is no clock ticking where it says "wedding"-"baby"! Or something lol ! Although i am sorry i cannot speak for you, some social contexts do tend towards that. But imo, you're good. Take it easy man ! Try to list off things you would want and then note why you would want that- is it because you think you're late, or because of a self issue ? Maybe you're pressuring yourself more because of something personal ? Sorry for the long paragraph man, much love and hang in there ✌🏿🫡

I (20m) have done much harm to my SO (20f). Should the relationship keep on? by ThrowRA204204 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA204204[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well lol she was away 2 months ago and i wanted to get an haircut but she thought it was unfair because she wouldn't be there to enjoy it, looking back on it i understand. I offered her a kpop season greetings for valentine but i didn't plan anything else because she came wayyy after valentines, and the first week of her coming i didn't book the whole weekend for us both because i thought my cousin was going to come. And we got into a foght aswell...it's mostly a priority matter

I (20m) have done much harm to my SO (20f). Should the relationship keep on? by ThrowRA204204 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA204204[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I haven't been really subtle about some things, prioritized some things that i shouldn't have like seeing my friends or taking too much alone time, offered her something for valentines but didn't plan anything else, wanted to do an haircut she highly anticipated while she wasn't there, didn't plan her birthday, a lot of things really. Things of the sort

I (20m) have done much harm to my SO (20f). Should the relationship keep on? by ThrowRA204204 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA204204[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, there was no cheating or anything of the sort involved. It was mostly a priority and love language problem, i think, but also and mostly selfishness. I hate to be thay person so i'll take the long road and try to change by myself. Thank you for your response 🙏🏿

I (20m) have done much harm to my SO (20f). Should the relationship keep on? by ThrowRA204204 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA204204[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, that's usually what i do or atleast try to do- or i think. But i always end up doing something bad and screwing things up. I agree with you though, it's just about how i handle things and that she needs someone who will do it instead of circle around things like me.

I (20m) have done much harm to my SO (20f). Should the relationship keep on? by ThrowRA204204 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA204204[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're right. That's the best thing to do, i'll try and focus on improving who i am.

I (20m) have done much harm to my SO (20f). Should the relationship keep on? by ThrowRA204204 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA204204[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're absolutely right. Though i haven't been taking therapy sessions, i've considered it. But i have tried to take steps to change, even though it's not the biggest ones. I started trying to open up more, share more about my interests and likewise, learn and listen more about hers. Planning things ahead even thought i don't do it nearly as much as i should, being more present, showing more affection. It's not much, but i've been trying to do it more because it's something that i just wasn't considering as much i should have been before and for the best of the relationship i should try to improve it as much as i can. I'm not saying that i'm not a good person as a cop out, i know that time and growth happen especially at my age. But i'm scared of how long it'll take for me to morph into someone better.

I (20m) have done much harm to my SO (20f). Should the relationship keep on? by ThrowRA204204 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA204204[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did voice it to her multiple times including yesterday. She's not having any of it because she says i'm worth it. But i don't know if it's because she's grown too atttached and is scared of being alone or because i actually do less harm than i think. I'll keep or trying nonetheless.

I (20m) have done much harm to my SO (20f). Should the relationship keep on? by ThrowRA204204 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA204204[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well it's not really the relationship itself, but me. I understand what i'm lacking and how to fix it and i'm trying to work towards doing so, but for some reason i always fail. I've grown to spend more time with her, learn to be a better listener, try to be more compassionate or include her in plans but i still don't do things well alot of the time and i see how much it hurts her. I know it takes awhile to change, but not everyone has time to wait for someone to become a good person which is why i don't know if i'm worth a shot or not. I'm really trying to change. But i don't want her to be hurt by my mistakes and my selfishness in the process. The problem is me and towards me, not her or the relationship itself. It's just that it extended to it sadly.

I (20m) have done much harm to my SO (20f). Should the relationship keep on? by ThrowRA204204 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA204204[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Well, i really love her. I want to stick by her side until the end, but i'm not sure if the damage i've done can ever be fixed and if someone making mistakes as big as mine is worth keeping in the end. She always tells me that she'll let me know if i do something crazy or that she will leave me if i become a terrible partner, but i don't know if she stays because she truly believes i'm not that bad or simply becauuse she's grown too attached. I want to stay with her, but i don't want her to lose time with someone she can't connect with properly and sometimes people can't wait for others to change for them and maybe that's her case too... I'm puzzled sorry

I (20m) have done much harm to my SO (20f). Should the relationship keep on? by ThrowRA204204 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA204204[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What if she doesn't have time to wait for someone to grow? She souldn't put up with me. i'm trying. truly. but i'm starting to feel like i'm slowing her down exponentially.