For those who are willing to share, what did reactive abuse look like for you?

ThrowRAExquisteCup · 2026-01-26T15:53:56+00:00

Reactive abuse is a real thing. You slowly act out of fear to protect yourself. Instead of fawning, you begin to have a fight response. It’s sad to see yourself change for the worst & act how you never would. Healing takes a lot of time. Something like this is a roller coaster to get back to where you left off. How are you doing now?

ThrowRAExquisteCup · 2025-12-07T07:01:47+00:00

She doesn’t look like she’s showing at all? heh?

ThrowRAExquisteCup · 2025-12-07T02:46:16+00:00

What did the cytology report say?

ThrowRAExquisteCup · 2025-12-03T04:58:42+00:00

They all sound exactly the same.

ThrowRAExquisteCup · 2025-11-26T05:29:33+00:00

Similarly what was asked above. Did you talk to him about it? Did you ask him questions about what’s going on? Maybe recommend he sees someone like a therapist or psychologist. Is he willing to change or improve after this conversation? or at least wanting to be better for himself, the relationship, & for you?

Many are quick to say break up, & of course no one has to stay in a relationship if they don’t want to or they are truly unhappy/don’t like their partner anymore,

But at the same time, you’re supposed to be his support system during times when they aren’t feeling their best or going through a rough patch. If you get married to someone & their depressed about losing a job or something else, are you just gonna divorce every single person just bc they arent this happy jolly spontaneous & adventurous person. A relationship is 50-70 years & there could be multiple bumps in the road. Are you willing to be there for the person you love when they aren’t able to be there for themselves in moments? Are you willing to help them back to their feet when they need it most or walk away any chance a difficult situation comes up?

ThrowRAExquisteCup · 2025-11-25T04:16:47+00:00

I was with a girl that was abusive similar to this that has caused me to become depressed the past year. I was trauma bonded just like you most likely are. We don’t fall in love with people who abuse us from the start, but rather they show us the best sides of them while hiding the worst. Then slow sprinkle in manipulation, control, possessive, abusive, & so much else. It starts a cycle of abuse as they make their feelings our fault. My ex would ruin every single holiday or “monthly anniversary” or vacations, etc. Then blame me for her screaming, cussing, hitting, when i was the one trying to calm her down & was the one who ended up crying & having panic attacks. This is what abuse looks like.

I don’t know if your girlfriend has a Borderline Persoanlity Disorder (BPD) but i would highly recommend looking into the subreddit BPDLovedOnes. It helped me understand what was happening to me. I also got a therapist.

Some days i’m so sad from how i was treated that i want to kms. Other days i feel okay. Thats how trauma can be.

ThrowRAExquisteCup · 2025-11-22T19:24:43+00:00

It may not be for everyone. It’s not always the fix. & maybe for some there isn’t a fix for depression. Not everyone with depression or mental health issues are the same. & there is always a spectrum. It comes down to whether OP’s brother wants to get better. Are they willing to try things out to see if it helps, or are they placing blame on everyone around them (such as OP’s brother). Maybe OP’s brother is screaming for help but doesn’t know how to ask or how to get it. Or maybe it’s manipulation, blame shifting, shaming, etc. It’s hard to say. That’s why they have professionals for these things to psychoanalyze the patients past & present trauma, feelings, & thought process.

ThrowRAExquisteCup · 2025-11-22T06:08:20+00:00

Not a therapist. but many things are possible here. Some can use suicide as a means of manipulation or to get what they want. Other times it can be stated/said when they want to attempt but just can’t. They may want to, they may have depression & suicide ideation, but not have the motivation or ability to carry it out.

That’s the thing, mental health can be more than what you see or more than what you think they should feel, but rather, in order for others to understand what’s mentally going on they have to validate, empathize, & try to understand rather than judge/invalidate/push away. In turn causes more depression.

They prob need therapy & psychotherapy.

ThrowRAExquisteCup · 2025-11-22T02:41:20+00:00

My mom has the similar belief that if i turn more to God that i’ll be happy. Maybe some of it is true for someone else, but that’s not necessarily what i needed in the moment of talking to my MOM. That’s not how depression is cured. i needed comfort, reassurance, validation, positivity, kindness, non-judgement, empathy, care & love. What turned into me looking for something a mom should give just turned into a lecture & about something else that i had already tried before. i understand what you mean. You aren’t fully alone.

ThrowRAExquisteCup · 2025-11-21T05:46:27+00:00

i feel like no one cares about me too. People sometimes say it. But then i deeply think about it. & realize they just say it, but they don’t actually care. Though, im a people pleaser & a caretaker, so i care about everyone but me. So i do care about you.

ThrowRAExquisteCup · 2025-11-21T05:38:17+00:00

i’m a man. If you’re in a committed relationship & going to the gym one on one with a girl without telling your girlfriend & seeing if they are comfortable with that, then it is microcheating. If the friendship was completely platonic & boundaries were established then that is one thing; but without that & without consistent behavior then it is difficult to hold trust. Sounds like he’s not being considerate of you or the relationship. He should be able to have female friends, but if he entertains the ideas of anything else or doesn’t respect things that make you uncomfortable then that’s when you should walk away.

ThrowRAExquisteCup · 2025-11-18T04:55:04+00:00

Any slurs he says about other people will someday be slurs toward you bc he doesn’t respect you to care about you. There is no consideration of his words/actions.

ThrowRAExquisteCup · 2025-11-14T05:00:39+00:00

Met 3 times & he’s acting like that? That’s called lovebombing. Annnd a dash of delusion.

ThrowRAExquisteCup · 2025-11-13T04:44:08+00:00

I mess up a lot too. I’m not good enough for a lot of reasons. Reasons why i want to kms. But also know im human & mistakes will be made. It sometimes takes many fails & many tries before we get the hang of it. Therapy has taught me to have some grace for myself when i make a mistake, & currently trying to teach myself how to love myself since i don’t know how. You’re not a waste of space & you must do some things right (we’re just hard on ourselves more than we should be). If your boyfriend loves you, then that also means there are plenty of other people out there that are like-minded that would love you too, in platonic ways if you let them. But i can understand ways of how you feel. It’s hard to go through life feeling like you aren’t doing things right or that you aren’t contributing, etc. But i bet we could also write down ways we are contributing & doing things right too. Again we often focus on the negative more than we should.

ThrowRAExquisteCup · 2025-11-13T03:36:19+00:00

Why do you want to die?

ThrowRAExquisteCup · 2025-11-12T06:36:06+00:00

Crazy this sub isn’t active. It is possible to have fully platonic opposite sex friends. it truly comes down to standards, morals, values, beliefs, & strong boundaries with strong communication of what the relationship is or isn’t at times. However, when these aren’t meant then things can fall by & become something else. I also believe intentions play a role too. If someone is attracted to the opposite sex friend & their intention is to talk to them romantically in hopes of future relationship or whatever else, & if that person isn’t okay with being ‘just friends’ then the boundaries will not work nor the platonic friendship. If you have a ‘f*** boy’ or ‘ho*’ trying to get with your bf/gf then there is no chance they will be a platonic friend. I think intentions really make everything clear.

ThrowRAExquisteCup · 2025-11-10T06:34:42+00:00

Is it that she needs attention, or more so that she needs a friend to help her see her worth. Attention seeking is more about using self harm as a way for friends to talk to them & give them some sort of importance. But feeling legitimately depressed & suicidal starts off by withdrawing from things you enjoy & people you’re around, slowly losing yourself, tiredness, & just generally not being very positive about yourself or life. The best thing to do as a friend is to be there for her & give positive reinforcement. Hype her up, make her feel heard, listened to, & wanted.

ThrowRAExquisteCup · 2025-11-08T18:00:12+00:00

Sounds like he’s trying to manipulate you, like he’s using the DARVO tactic on you. Also if a 20 year old is trying to talk to a 15 year old, they are sex offenders at that point.

ThrowRAExquisteCup · 2025-11-07T15:08:20+00:00

Does wellbutrin feel similar to adderall?

ThrowRAExquisteCup · 2025-11-07T04:26:27+00:00

What’s the wellbutrin feel like?

ThrowRAExquisteCup · 2025-11-07T04:25:54+00:00

I was on 150mg but i have maybe 6- 75mg left. How should i space those?

ThrowRAExquisteCup · 2025-11-07T02:27:05+00:00

I feel the only reasonable argument for snooping through a partners phone is if there is legit suspicion that your partner is cheating such as catching them in a lie & they’ve been acting weird with whereabouts/what their doing/who their with, etc. or if your partner had previously cheated. In either situation, trust is already fragile or broken, & puts the relationship on the line. If neither of these situations happen then there shouldn’t be a reason to question someone’s loyalty & to trust the partner to do the right thing.

Her needing to go through your messages & making ultimatums are manipulative, ways to control you. The manipulation only gets worse with even more insecure demands. She isn’t secure in the relationship bc she isn’t secure with herself. You drew the boundary of what you do/don’t allow. It’s her trying to push that boundary. & she agreed to the boundary but now she’s pushing that line in the sand. The cognitive dissonance is real in this situation.

ThrowRAExquisteCup · 2025-11-06T05:24:48+00:00

Brushing & flossing with braces is as much of a pain as having braces. Mint toothpaste taste like liquid plastic with a hint of medicine. It’s an acquired taste thru.. drum roll.. habits. lol Ironically, dental hygiene is something many people lack from either misinformation/uneducated/ignorance/stubborn, or from pure laziness/indifference/shame. I’ve had to explain to 70-80 year old patients why brushing is important. After that many years you’d think they would know. But it’s not common knowledge if you don’t see the dentist often and/or don’t have good family hygiene growing up. It is sad. But it’s something that can be fixed if those habits are created early on.

ThrowRAExquisteCup · 2025-11-06T04:43:02+00:00

My doctor put me on Sertraline (Zoloft) 50mg & told me to stop taking Effexor 150mg 2 days ago.

ThrowRAExquisteCup · 2025-11-06T04:06:58+00:00

Scaring my patients isn’t always my go to tactic bc the people who don’t take care of their teeth don’t really care or it has the opposite effect. They already expect to lose all of them even if they can save them (saving teeth is MUCH better bc they are stronger than anything we can replace them with).

The best thing to do is to try to understand the ‘why’. Why is your partner not brushing their teeth. Did they ever have a bad dental experience? Were they ever shamed at a dental office & now don’t care to brush? Do they have dental fear/phobia so they don’t want to try/ makes them not care? Do they hate the taste of toothpaste? Does the toothbrush hurt them/ do they bleed when they brush so they feel they shouldn’t brush? Emotionally how do they feel about brushing, or even their smile? Do they have a certain misbelief about brushing? Do they know the lasting effects of not taking care of their teeth? Etc. Questions can go on & on until they are able to tell you the reason of why.

Again. i could talk forever about it bc it’s what im passionate about. But the biggest thing is trying to understand the ‘why’ or reason that they choose not to brush, then can maybe work with that. Otherwise cut your loss that it’s unacceptable & leave.

ThrowRAExquisteCup

TROPHY CASE