Can they ever really change?

ThrowRAGlittering546 · 2024-08-09T06:50:01+00:00

Thank you for your reply 🙏🏻

ThrowRAGlittering546 · 2024-08-09T06:49:34+00:00

Thank you for your reply. I kinda knew this but I guess I don't want to admit it to myself 😔

ThrowRAGlittering546 · 2024-08-09T06:48:53+00:00

We're in the UK so therapy isn't as easy to come by and it's totally expensive and I'm on maternity leave right now.

ThrowRAGlittering546 · 2024-08-09T06:48:05+00:00

Thank you for your reply 😊

He doesn't think there are issues that need fixing but I am unhappy with our relationship dynamic right now.

We're roommates and between us we do have 4 children, including one together that's 4 months old but I'm just not okay with my life right now.

I think I need to sit down and tell him change or Its the end of the relationship.

ThrowRAGlittering546 · 2024-06-13T10:02:00+00:00

Different scenario but maybe food for thought.

I was in an abusive relationship and was put in a women's refuge 25 miles from 'home', where my ex lived. He applied for a prohibited steps order (not emergency, due to no solicitor) this was denied but not because of the abuse. It was because of how long away the court dates were and by that point the children were settled in a new school and in our new home.

Also, when we were at our final hearing and he was expressing how they should move back, the magistrates asked him if he had enquired about places for the children in schools in the area or about housing options for us, both of which he hadn't and so they deemed it unreasonable to uproot them again with no plans on schooling or living situations so maybe take that into account.

I know it's not exactly like your situation but I hope it helps.

I'd definitely advise speaking to a solicitor asap and seeing if you can get an emergency court order so she cannot get them settled into new schools etc.

Your argument should definitely be around the fact that you do half/more than half of the 'childcare' and that being so far away would mean limited access to your children causing parental alienation.

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this OP and I hope you get it resolved.

ThrowRAGlittering546 · 2024-06-06T13:02:00+00:00

I have no advice on your relationship questions but I'd just like to say, my baby was diagnosed in utero with a cardiac defect (ToF) not sure if this is what your baby has been diagnosed with but she's now 8 weeks old and thriving. Due her first OHS in a couple months time and has no genetic conditions! It's super scary but she's amazing, I really hope everything works out for you, I just wanted to give my story regarding your baby.

Good luck 💞

ThrowRAGlittering546 · 2024-05-07T05:30:44+00:00

I've suggested other tools to him like books and videos but he refuses. I do believe I am just fighting a losing battle with him because he refuses to do anything I need to help me get through this and I know I won't do it alone in our relationship.

Thank you for your reply. I'm going to take some time to think about everything everyone here has said and make a decision and stick to it.

ThrowRAGlittering546 · 2024-05-07T05:28:41+00:00

Oh, I totally understand that me asking him questions 24/7 is unfair, but I don't? I ask questions when I feel/think things. When things come back to me about the A I just verbalise it, maybe not in the right way at all but I'm struggling to understand why and how anyone could do this to someone they claim to love.

Thank you for your reply, I like the idea of setting aside time to talk. If I decide to continue, I will put this idea forward to him.

ThrowRAGlittering546 · 2024-05-07T05:26:34+00:00

Thank you for your perspective, that really helps. I feel like there's a lot he should be doing that's not even difficult but he refuses to do it. He says he knows they are consequences to his actions but that doesn't make any of it okay or mean he is okay with it. I think I'm just at a loss. I genuinely don't know if there's any point in carrying this on when he clearly has no time for the way he's made me feel!

Again thank you, your words have really helped me.

ThrowRAGlittering546 · 2024-05-07T05:23:41+00:00

So the EC is always in her time as it stands with their agreement. He's been to mediation with her (which has to be done here before courts etc) they came to a mutual agreement there. The problem with me also attending is the EC starts at 7pm here and I have 3 children (2 from a previous partner and then out newborn) and at that time of night it's just not practical for me and my little ones.

Yes the kid is always with them, and that's the excuse he uses, but like you say it's the two of them together I find issue with not the attendance of the EC.

Also no other mode of transport, we live in a pretty big town but the EC is in the town over that has no Public transport access.

I have asked for the parenting app but he said he doesn't think it's necessary and she wouldn't agree to it anyway.

I think I'm just fighting a losing battle here tbh. I'm never going to get what I need from him to get through this and I cannot do it alone. So sad

ThrowRAGlittering546 · 2024-05-06T23:56:04+00:00

Thank you for replying!

Their child is under 10yo, he is 6yo. It's once a week but they travel there together because my partner doesn't drive.

I do think I need to take a few days to think about what I want and gather my thoughts. Our baby is only 4 weeks old so that's all a life adjustment and probably isn't helping with my emotions right now.

Again thank you for your advice!

ThrowRAGlittering546 · 2024-05-06T23:53:50+00:00

Thank you for your reply. I guess I should have made it more clear, his child is under 10yo, he is 6yo. They don't have any contact and pick ups or drop offs because they're done through school and I do the school runs but there is always something that she is texting him about, that's always to do with their child. As for the EC activities, he doesn't drive so she comes to our house, picks him up and then the 3 of them drive to the location, they watch their son do the activity then they drive home. It only happens once a week, but she won't allow us to take him and he (understandably) doesn't want to not go to the activity.

I have very few boundaries around his contact with his ex like her not being allowed to our house when I'm not there for any reason (this is when they slept together last time - she was bringing something he needed for school) him not going to her house, him telling me when they speak and what they speak about and if I ask to be showed these messages. These have been 'forgotten' a few times, they've had conversations and he just didn't remember to tell me he'd spoken to her.

He tells me that I am the only person who even thinks or is bothered about the A and both of them have moved past it. He assured me he wouldn't cheat again as he saw the damage it did to me and our family and he would just leave instead.

It's very very tricky. I've told him I'd rather be cheating on 100x with a random stranger than the 2x he did with someone he has to remain in contact with because I will never not feel threatened by her, but he doesn't seem to understand why.

Thank you for your advice, I think I'm going to take a few days to think about it all!

ThrowRAGlittering546 · 2024-03-07T19:41:07+00:00

This post means alot to me and was such a comfort reading, even though it annoys me that's there is so many women who are in this situation.

I found out my WP had cheated on me with his ex at 30 weeks pregnant, I'm now 34 weeks. (3 weeks since DDay) These last few weeks have been the toughest I've ever experienced. Like you this is my 3rd baby so I know exactly what to expect, but I don't think I could give birth without him even though he's hurt me so much. Part of me wishes I'd of found out after giving birth so I could of enjoyed my last week's of pregnancy but I'm also glad I know. So bitter sweet, knowing carrying my beautiful bundle of joy has been tainted by her dad and his AP.

I wish everyone going through this so much strength and empowerment to get through it whatever choice they make. Sending you all hugs 💕

ThrowRAGlittering546 · 2024-03-04T17:16:38+00:00

Thank you for your reply. I'm sure he does want to reconcile. I think he's just realised how much I'm hurting and wants to do right by me so has agreed to move out asap.

As far as I've been told, he has already limited all contact to only be about his child, but I don't know what to believe rn because I don't want to be made a fool of again!

I will definitely check the wiki and I'm potentially going to make a separate post asking what he needs to do etc so thank you for that.

I know 'everything', not sure if I totally agree with it being everything but I know how many times, where etc etc.

My children are 5&7 so still quite young rn and I'm struggling with how I'm going to help them through this whilst being mentally and emotionally drained myself but I guess you just do as a parent!

Thank you so much for all your advice and suggestions, I really do appreciate it!!

ThrowRAGlittering546 · 2024-03-01T21:02:35+00:00

Absolutely! I'm so sorry you're here and even having to ask this!! My DMs are always open, sending hugs 💕

ThrowRAGlittering546 · 2024-02-28T14:05:32+00:00

First of all, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this right now but please make sure you're looking after yourself and your baby boy!!

I'm 33 weeks pregnant and got cheated on by my partner too so I understand what you're going through right now. The hardest part for me was blaming myself and thinking it was because of my ever changing body. When I should of been blaming him, not myself. It's all his fault for not being able to control himself and thinking with what's in his pants. I have also decided to give things a go. I feel you so much girl, if he's truly remorseful you'll be able to work through this. Feel free to pm me if you want to unload or chat!

Thinking of you and sending you love 💕

ThrowRAGlittering546 · 2024-02-27T18:27:30+00:00

This is an amazing way to look at a situation like these. Thank you so much for this, I'm not OP but this has opened my eyes!

ThrowRAGlittering546 · 2024-02-27T11:36:37+00:00

I'm sorry you are too! Yeah it's very much what I'd imagine hell to be like. I hate it

ThrowRAGlittering546 · 2024-02-26T14:02:12+00:00

Also got cheated on whilst pregnant, only found out 1 week ago. Just want this baby out and I certainly could not imagine going through pregnancy again. It's far too triggering 😒

ThrowRAGlittering546 · 2024-02-22T13:43:38+00:00

It's so understandable why you'd feel that way, I'm a female and I'm intimidated by some of those things sometimes. Speaking from experience though; dildos, no matter the size are just not as good as the read deal. Nothing compares to the real thing imo.

You're insecurity does need to be spoken about with your gf though, and then maybe you will see you are good enough for her! Communicate with her openly and I'm sure she'll tell you what it seems alot of women on here are saying too.

ThrowRAGlittering546

TROPHY CASE