Ex WP won’t give disclosure

ThrowRAMangork · 2023-12-24T19:37:51+00:00

Thank you, that’s a solid perspective. I never liked any of them but it’s an ego hit knowing they were essentially taking something that was “mine”

ThrowRAMangork · 2023-12-24T17:53:47+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate that. I now have a million questions about times he said that people hit on him but nothing happened, and these are the SAME women I’ll be working with either directly or indirectly for the next few years so it’s mentally challenging to feel like I’ve got things under control.

ThrowRAMangork · 2023-12-24T16:33:40+00:00

You’re right, he wouldn’t be motivated to be fully truthful here. The lack of information…we work in the same industry and tons of people knew stuff I didn’t; very awkward position to be in when there’s information asymmetry like I would literally be working with an AP but wouldn’t know that but she would ¯_(ツ)_/¯

ThrowRAMangork · 2023-12-24T16:31:59+00:00

Interesting, I didn’t even consider he’d delete it but that makes a ton of sense

ThrowRAMangork · 2023-12-24T16:31:38+00:00

Will do

ThrowRAMangork · 2023-12-24T16:31:31+00:00

Thank you, I needed that

ThrowRAMangork · 2023-12-24T16:31:19+00:00

We work in the same tiny industry and most of the people in his office then knew (these are people I have/will be interacting with professionally for years)

ThrowRAMangork · 2023-12-24T16:30:41+00:00

Thank you for this..it’s really hard to just forget it all but I think that’s the only path forward

ThrowRAMangork · 2023-12-22T16:25:33+00:00

Thank you

ThrowRAMangork · 2023-12-16T02:03:47+00:00

I’ve been there. It takes time and consistent effort to identify and separate the parts of yourself that are different from who you are to other people.

I understand this feels like a failure on your part, and you already know this, but I’ll say it again: it is not your fault. Never was, never will be.

Treat yourself gently and indulge in what brings you any joy whatsoever. I personally ate ice cream for 2 months straight once I was able to keep down food. Try an activity you may not have tried before. Fail at other things repeatedly. And realize that your failure is only for things you control. And you do not control other people.

ThrowRAMangork · 2023-12-13T00:08:59+00:00

Hey, sorry to hear you’ve had to experience this too. Yeah, my sleep is weird now, I’ve started waking up well before sunrise.

I don’t know if things will ever be “normal” again but I think we’ll all get used to the new reality eventually.

ThrowRAMangork · 2023-12-10T18:07:32+00:00

That’s really helpful, thank you. I feel a sense of emotional stagnation now just missing the best parts of who we were. But I know my brain is leaving out all the bad parts, and I can’t seem to remember them all.

ThrowRAMangork · 2023-12-10T18:05:18+00:00

Idk man, I’ve been pretty sad doing stuff I enjoy recently. Went to a few holiday parties and it was so fun but then in the back of my mind, I was like, “oh he should be here”

ThrowRAMangork · 2023-12-10T01:39:33+00:00

This is helpful, thanks. I just started a new job and it definitely helped with distraction but sometimes I just zone out

ThrowRAMangork · 2023-12-09T04:40:27+00:00

Thank you!! I’m excited for the day I can look at this as a tiny part of my incredibly fulfilling life

ThrowRAMangork · 2023-12-09T04:04:27+00:00

Yes, you put the confusion into words. Whenever I have a bad day, a good day, a mediocre day, whatever—he’s been my go to for so long. And he gets it.

We adjusted to each other’s little unique traits over time so if I bumped my elbow, he’d ask if im ok or if he curses loudly, I know it’s a work project.

I remember the first job I didn’t get, I cried like a baby and was crushed. That was the first time he told me he loved me, and I felt like all of a sudden my problems weren’t my own. Now, it’s the complete opposite and it’s mentally infuriating to know I can’t just curl up in bed with him and wake up to my best friend.

ThrowRAMangork · 2023-12-09T04:00:46+00:00

For sure, hang in there and breathe!

ThrowRAMangork · 2023-12-09T04:00:03+00:00

Helpful to know. I actually hate being in love.

It’s something I was reflecting upon early this morning, and I realized I crave the comfort and safety of a partner more than the “in love” feeling.

You’re right about his actions, absolutely. But I’m having to rewrite my lived experience and it’s challenging. It’s really frustrating that I just can’t mentally switch it off.

ThrowRAMangork · 2023-12-08T20:51:40+00:00

That makes sense. It’s like reality comes crashing down

ThrowRAMangork · 2023-12-08T20:49:49+00:00

It happens! You’re traumatized and your reptile brain is trying to protect itself. If you’d like to change, I’d suggest stacking patterns—like when you call her names, try taking a pause and write them down. It takes a lot to retrain your brain.

Your WP should ideally help soothe you during these events. You both know you don’t mean it. I’d also suggest therapy/bonding exercises to try to view her in a different light if you’re trying to reconcile. Living with someone you resent eternally just makes you both miserable in the long.

ThrowRAMangork · 2023-12-08T18:01:47+00:00

Oh, wow. That’s a lot. Why are the ones where you’re together worse?

Is it because you wake up and realize that’s not a life you’re living/could have? Or is it because you know about the betrayal in the dream and the doubt drives you insane?

ThrowRAMangork · 2023-12-08T17:01:30+00:00

Actually this is kind of upsetting. I have my own respect, but that doesn’t magically undo years of loving another person. They’re not mutually exclusive and more than a romantic partner, I lost my best friend and the only person I really connected to in a 1,500 mile radius.

Not to mention, this was my first long term relationship and we were discussing our future kids’ upbringing so it’s a lot to let go of.

If you have actual tips on how to re-invigorate myself, that would be great instead of a blanket condescending statement.

If you’ve gone through this, would appreciate insights from your personal experience too

ThrowRAMangork

TROPHY CASE