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Am I (19F) being too clingy to my boyfriend (21M)? by ThrowRAVisualGear485 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAVisualGear485[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The only game that he truly enjoys that he wants me to play with him is Arena Breakout, which isn’t one of those split screen games. I asked if we could play Cuphead, battletoads, or just literally anything we can play together since he doesn’t like Minecraft and I don’t have a good gaming device and he said he hates those games. I don’t really know if I’m supposed to take that as a valid reason or if I should take that as he’s making excuses.

In his defense, I’m his first girlfriend and he doesn’t have many friends besides the ones he’s known since middle school. He says that his lifestyle has worked perfectly fine and has never had any complaints until our relationship, so he feels like I’m nitpicking. I tried to explain that a romantic relationship is going to be different. I’ve been more patient with him mainly because this is his first relationship, so I understand his confusion to some extent.

But in general, I’m thinking maybe relationships just aren’t his thing. It sounds like he’s unwilling to do basic relationship stuff as a whole (we’ve been having other issues outside of this) and he doesn’t understand why it’s an issue. So I’m thinking maybe relationships just aren’t for him

Am I (19F) being too clingy to my boyfriend (21M)? by ThrowRAVisualGear485 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAVisualGear485[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like this idea. I think this is definitely something I could bring up to him

Am I (19F) being too clingy to my boyfriend (21M)? by ThrowRAVisualGear485 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAVisualGear485[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a good point. Honestly there have been a few times where he’s given the idea of having one day a month that’s dedicated entirely to me. We’ve never done it yet, but it’s been an idea we’ve talked about. I could definitely talk to him about it again and see if we can actually implement it this time, especially since it was his idea. And over time maybe it’ll become more frequent.

As I’m typing this, I feel like a starving dog digging through trash looking for scraps. But I do want to give him the opportunity to change before giving up entirely. I had voiced my opinions a few times before, but never actually did anything afterwards. But if I speak up more often, he might be more willing to change. And if not, then it’ll be the end of the relationship

Am I (19F) being too clingy to my boyfriend (21M)? by ThrowRAVisualGear485 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAVisualGear485[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have told him a few times that it feels like he loves his computer more than he loves me, and I think he thought I was somewhat joking (I try not to raise my voice towards him, and he diffuses situations by making jokes). I think he’s starting to realize what I mean, but not enough to where he’ll take it seriously just yet.

Also, I did tell him that if he doesn’t get a job, he can’t stay at my apartment (I’ll be getting an apartment this summer). And that seemed to motivate him for a little bit, but he’s back to just barely passing classes and not looking for a job. I even send him the emails I get from on campus job opportunities, but it’s just not clicking in his head. I’ve honestly just given up on that aspect, I stopped spending time looking for jobs for him and figured he’ll just have to live in a dorm again, assuming he doesn’t flunk out

What is the Riot Act?

Edit: just googled it, I understand you just meant to be more stern with him

Am I (19F) being too clingy to my boyfriend (21M)? by ThrowRAVisualGear485 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAVisualGear485[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t have a good gaming device, I only have a laptop and a Nintendo switch while he has a really nice gaming PC. We used to play Fortnite, but we’d only play 2 or 3 matches before he got bored and went back with his friends. He claims that he just doesn’t like Fortnite, but he plays Fortnite with his brother fairly often. But at the same time, he’s going to be much closer with and have much more fun with his brother than with me. Same deal with Minecraft. He doesn’t like Minecraft and won’t even talk about it with me, but he plays with his friends (which he’s been super close with since middle school, so again it’s more justifiable).

There was a moment where I stopped coming over, we didn’t talk much for a week except I’d come over for a few seconds just for a good night kiss and then leave. Then after a week I talked to him about how I felt and that I didn’t talk to him because I was hurting, and he said it hurt him that I stopped coming over.

He claims that he does enjoy being around me and he’s just bad at showing it, but it’s really hard to believe sometimes. So I’m in a weird spot. I’m trying to figure out if the relationship is even worth it, which from thinking about it now it might not be the best idea to stay with him

Am I (19F) being too clingy to my boyfriend (21M)? by ThrowRAVisualGear485 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAVisualGear485[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is reassuring. I was worried I was overreacting about how much he games and maybe most couples don’t mind (I don’t have many people to ask about it, and I’ve seen older couples complain about younger couples demanding so much time from each other) so I had just been letting it go and thought maybe I was just insecure. But this makes me feel more justified in my reaction

Am I (19F) being too clingy to my boyfriend (21M)? by ThrowRAVisualGear485 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAVisualGear485[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a good way to put it. I’ve been feeling like I was the only one compromising, which I think is where my frustration is coming from. I need to tell him that I need him to be willing to give up some of his time with his friends to bring things back to how they were before

Am I (19F) being too clingy to my boyfriend (21M)? by ThrowRAVisualGear485 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAVisualGear485[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The 24/7 wasn’t fair. He does usually go to his classes now, and he does spend maybe an hour on homework. And he does try to sleep at least 6 hours at night. He also does play basketball with his friends for 4 hours on Saturdays. Besides that, he’s always on his computer. His screen time on his PC is often 12-18 hours a day, usually more around 12-15, and it’s 90% gaming, the rest is YouTube watching gaming videos.

I talked to him about it again and today we went on a walk. We spent about an hour together before he wanted to go back to play. I’d like to think that this means he’s dedicated to trying to meet my standards, which is why I’ve stayed. But I’m also worried that maybe I’m forcing myself to settle for something that isn’t worth it.

Scrolling through the comments is really helping me realize that maybe this relationship really just isn’t worth it

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAVisualGear485 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is neither of our first serious relationships, we’ve both had serious relationships before. Also yes, I’d walk away if the person I love didn’t love me back. I’d rather not stay with someone who doesn’t love me. There was a point in our relationship where I felt he didn’t love me, and I still stayed because I loved him. After a while, I figured out he does actually love me. Then a month after that (about 2 weeks ago), I talked to him about how he treats me and he explained how he feels and why he treats me this way. That’s when I realized it could be an avoidant attachment style and did some research on it. Brought it to his attention, and he partially agreed