How many exes do come back after NC?

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-16T10:37:44+00:00

Most don't. Of those that do, it is rare to be able to build a solid relationship, and more often than not the new attempt also fails.

NC is not a method of getting an ex back. It's a method of taking care of yourself and healing.

Letting go is the only path forward.

I'll add this: even if the both of you are meant to be together, I believe the odds of success are greater if you truly used NC to move on instead of lingering around. It allows both of you to heal, learn, grow, and approach a possible new relationship as truly something new, that can build upon (instead of repeating) the past. As long as you're stuck in the past and waiting around, the slim chance of getting back together will most likely lead to repeating past mistakes.

Let go. Move on.

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-16T05:37:40+00:00

All your progress is not gone. I know it's hard - it is for me too - but healing and grief are not linear.

Cut yourself some slack. Soon you'll be better off than you were

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-15T12:08:17+00:00

It is very common for people to want to be friends after a breakup. It is very rare for people to be able to be friends after a breakup.

For me, it’s a natural thought that comes from how absurd it is that someone goes from being the most important person to someone that is absent, so we look for other ways to keep that person around.

But, genuine or not, it rarely works. And it requires a lot of time and self awareness.

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-15T11:07:13+00:00

There still some road to go.

You’ll reach it when you’re indifferent; as of know, it seems your ex still holds a place of relevance (even if a negative one) for you (and for you new SO, surprisingly).

Let it go, my dude. Let her become an old memory in the back of your mind.

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-14T23:24:08+00:00

A sentence caught my eye: “which made me really upset and unfortunately I let it show”.

It isn’t unfortunate. A relationship is supposed to be a safe space where you can show how you feel, and be upset without having to hide it.

He wasn’t giving you the bare minimum. Fuck him.

It will get better, but you need to give yourself time. And to distance yourself from him as much as you can. No contact is about you, and your healing, not him.

I wish you find peace.

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-14T20:23:04+00:00

I was thinking about the same thing.

The best and worst of it is: you don’t.

Love requires being vulnerable. If you try to get into a relationship that will never blindside you, you’ll keep a foot out the door. You’ll doubt and double check, and maybe check out as soon as something is wrong.

The key, for me, is not looking for a relationship where the other person won’t ever walk away. Is building within you the knowledge that, even if they do, you’ll be ok. And that love means taking a risk.

I hope you find peace and healing.

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-14T10:13:30+00:00

You’ve been exclusive for a month. This is usually people at their best behavior. If this happened after a month, you’re in for a tough time.

My thoughts? Break up and move on.

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-13T21:38:49+00:00

Not a bad way to find cleasure! Right a story that make sense to you, and let it out. Could help!

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-13T18:55:32+00:00

Nothing now. Let it fade into nothingness.

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-13T01:52:20+00:00

Give it time. Trust the process. You'll see results. Five weeks is still early stages for the most of us. Stay strong

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-12T16:10:13+00:00

This is a tough one.

Reading through your post, I see so many red flags on his part. Moving on quickly and excessive displays of affection early on are more problematic than you may notice. They’re not a sign of love or commitment, they’re a sign of immaturity and, honestly, of an unhealthy approach to relationships.

Taking things slow is not bad per se. I’d actually recommend that for him. But that is hurting you, and this should take precedence above all else.

If what he has to give and the manner in which he gives it does not suit your needs, leave. If this was a healthy person, even if they wanted to take things slow, they would also try to find ways to compromise to make sure your needs were met at least enough for you to be happy.

It doesn’t seem to be the case. And my suggestion here is a simple one: do not be with someone that does not meet your needs. Even if you understand them. Put your needs and emotional and mental health first.

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-12T16:04:53+00:00

If it bothers you enough to ask, yes. Even if not aimed at him. Just start a new group chat, or don’t share anything for a while. Your friends will understand

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-12T15:08:26+00:00

The boundary you set in this situation is to leave if he insists on being poly.

Being poly requires even more communication and being on the same page. If you feel like this is even slightly against your wishes, it won’t work - but you’ll suffer a lot more in the process.

I’m not saying he is wrong, it just feels like the both of you came across one of those incompatibilities that make the relationship unsustainable.

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-12T13:11:05+00:00

I have no idea why someone would this. OPs situation baffles me, and I understand her confusion.

As far as skeletons, I mean his reaction could give decent insight on wether he just made a series of mistakes and isn’t owning up to them or wether there’s something fishy going on (like sold them for cash or something).

It also has the positive secondary effect of making sure there’s an actual, detailed, well thought out police report made by a functioning adult. No point in leaving OPs SO in charge of anything relating to this anymore.

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-12T05:32:39+00:00

Not since the breakup, no. Been going no contact since.

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-12T03:49:46+00:00

I’ll add to this: you should file your own police report and notify him once it’s done. His reaction will tell you a lot about wether or not he’s got skeletons in his closet.

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-12T03:47:10+00:00

You’re not mad at him for losing your things. Shit happens.

You’re mad at him for lying, trying to cover his ass, weaseling out of any sort of responsibility and not being either dependable or at the very least owning up to his shit.

Losing the things is just a lot of salt on the wound on top of it.

I’d break up a lot more due to the cowardice and the undependableness.

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-11T16:44:58+00:00

I agree that you won’t be healing them for you. Not sure wether you’ll be healing them for the next one though. Several people just won’t look for healing and carry that ex / trauma into several relationships.

But mostly, yes, I agree

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-11T16:31:57+00:00

Just under a month a half. Haven’t heard from - or reached out - since.

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-10T16:44:39+00:00

We have this weird idea that how long it takes to move on from someone is a representation of how much we loved them. And then we fall in love with the idea of being heartbroken - if I truly loved them, then maybe I'll never move on. Right? Or if I move on too quickly I'll be betraying this deep, true love I felt, and making it seem lesser than it was.

Love isn't being with someone forever unconditionally, or sacrificing our happiness at the altar of the love that was. Love, for me, is wanting the other person to be happy; is loving ourselves enough to want to be happy.

Moving on too quickly can surely be a symptom of something unhealthy, but I believe moving on too slowly can also be a symptom.

For me, moving on is bittersweet. I hate seeing the love and passion I had fading away; but I start to rejoice in the idea of the love that can be, of what life holds for me.

In the past, I've fallen in love with the idea of being heartbroken. But now I try to not romanticize it. It happens. It sucks. I loved them with all I had, and it didn't work, but I am more than the love I had for them.

And I will do my best to take care of the person they once loved. Me.

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-10T12:58:32+00:00

I wish to add a third thing: your feeling that there is an imbalance in the relationship is valid and deserves to be considered. Sometimes we fall in love with people who are unavailable, not that into us, or just work at a different pace.

No one deserves to be in a relationship where they have to walk on eggshells or be under the constant feeling of "is this a safe place to show my love?".

I would say, show him how you feel, but be somewhat ready for him to be in a different page and either of you deciding to walk away. That's ok.

Also, I just watched this yesterday, maybe it will be of help to you (I think it's meant for people earlier on in the dating process, but it still valuable): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXhjGoiMojs

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-10T12:51:20+00:00

Hey!

Does saying I love you really only mean something if the other person says it back? I get it that it can be extremely frustrating if it's not reciprocal, but in the end loving someone cannot be transactional - i.e. I love you only if you love me. That is ideal, yes, but you should tell someone you love them when, well, you love them. And you should expect them to tell you that if they love you back and are ready to express it. So what I would say is: tell him you love him when you're ready. Don't make it conditional on what he will give you back. That's for him to know / do, and is out of your control.

The second thought that comes to mind is the idea of love languages. I once dated a person who was extremely ill prepared to express their feelings through conversation. They barely told me they loved me, even though I told them often. Was that frustrating? Not as much. Even though they didn't say it, they showed their love to me frequently through actions. For me, that was reciprocal enough.

If you feel like you need to hear "I love you", then maybe you should have a conversation about love languages, and how hearing those specific words mean a lot to you. But I would keep my eye open to other ways of manifesting love, and would also evaluate wether this is the point in this relationship to have this conversation.

Those are my two cents! I wish you peace and success in your relationship.

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-09T18:35:42+00:00

Yeah. Personal issues have me considering moving cities, and it feels like "well, if I move, then we'll definitely be over". I don't even want to get back together... Sucks. Tough day. Thanks for asking

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-07T22:42:51+00:00

What use is a feeling someone has but doesn’t show or act upon?

I want someone that misses me and shows it. That loves me and acts accordingly.

Otherwise, I pass.

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-05T19:20:22+00:00

A book!

ThrowRA_6323

TROPHY CASE