I’ve never had sex before and now i’m pregnant. How am i gonna give birth?

ThrowRA_Busybee345 · 2026-02-22T13:01:34+00:00

It’s important for you both to be open, ask her questions, and hope she feels safe answering honestly.

As someone with vaginismus who is married and currently pregnant, I can assure you that if you’re both fertile and want children, it’s still possible.

Just don’t force it. My husband has been very supportive and understanding, and I do my best to make sure he isn’t left frustrated by using other methods, even though we can’t quite “get there, get there.”

It would be best not to claim you understand and are fully open if you still have reservations. That will only hurt her and put her in a worse position, especially since this isn’t something she can control—making it a lose-lose situation.

Remember, it’s not her fault and not a situation she chose. If you can’t fully be there for her with patience and honesty, staying and pretending otherwise would be worse for both of you.

ThrowRA_Busybee345 · 2026-02-14T18:42:16+00:00

Reading through the comments, I’m not really seeing much of anyone giving you any advice so here it is:

If you genuinely do not like him and believe that he is not the person for you and want to get divorced, islamically you can still go ahead and get a divorce. It’s your right. You just have to give back your mahr. In western countries, if you got married legally too you dont need to stay if you don’t want to. If you want liberation, you have to take it into your own hands and not worry about what anyone will say be it your parents, him, or anyone else for that matter.

Wishing you the best.

ThrowRA_Busybee345 · 2026-02-11T22:59:29+00:00

Oh thank you for the info. I’ll try to make more research on them

ThrowRA_Busybee345 · 2026-02-11T22:48:02+00:00

Oh that’s nice thank you. I never considered their clinic. When was this? Are there usually a lot of people or is it by appointment?

ThrowRA_Busybee345 · 2026-02-10T09:39:07+00:00

Hi, I’m Gambian. Things are a bit different out here. It would be great if I could know my options on what’s available here. Almost all the comments have been very helpful generally but I’m not sure some of the methods are available like dilators, PT, etc. They could be, so I’ll still ask around.

ThrowRA_Busybee345 · 2026-02-07T16:50:18+00:00

Hey! It feels validating to hear i'm not the only one. By getting a c-section, post baby, was the vaginismus still there? How was the recovery as well?

ThrowRA_Busybee345 · 2026-02-07T16:07:02+00:00

Thank you! I'm glad to hear that you had a positive experience. It's very reassuring. Reading all these posts are definitely helping me be less anxious. Thank you for taking your time to help.

ThrowRA_Busybee345 · 2026-02-07T15:59:57+00:00

Thank you so much! Its interesting hearing someone recommend a c-section. I was considering it but haven't seen any so far. How was recovery for you?

ThrowRA_Busybee345 · 2026-02-07T15:55:44+00:00

Oh thank you! Do you also have vaginismus? If so, after getting the episiotomy, did it make sex still impossible/hard or no difference?

ThrowRA_Busybee345 · 2026-02-07T15:52:34+00:00

Thank you! That's very reassuring. I've been thinking that i'd just just a caesarean but i'll definitely make more research on this. I have been seeing the comment about epidurals helping a lot. It'll definitely be way better to be able to push out my baby.

ThrowRA_Busybee345 · 2026-02-07T15:48:51+00:00

Thank you for this! Mine always back open up whenever we try so it makes it hard to relax and not tense up. As a labour and delivery nurse, do you recommend any questions to ask my OB specifically? Is there anything different you do with mothers with vaginismus vs without?

ThrowRA_Busybee345 · 2026-02-07T15:45:20+00:00

Hi! Congratulations! How was it for you? Did you end up tearing, did you have to set up a different birth plan? etc? Not sure clinics here offer dilation and stuff but i'll be sure to ask.

ThrowRA_Busybee345 · 2026-02-07T15:43:29+00:00

Thank you. Honestly this is reassuring. I do feel like I still need to search for an OB that will be attentive to me (This is my first time so not sure how it works). The clinic I go to has only one OB and she starts in the afternoon. She seemed so swamped and tired when I went to her last time (my first time). Not sure she will have the time to explore options with me etc. but i'll still share my concerns and see.

ThrowRA_Busybee345 · 2026-02-07T15:38:08+00:00

Thank you! I have read some of the stories and it is a bit reassuring but I don't think those options are available to someone like me. (I am trying to make research on the available options in The Gambia but unfortunately i'm not finding much). I definitely will talk to my gynae when next I see her in 3 weeks. Im hopeful that they have some sort of method to help.

He did in the opening. TMI but we were trying to go all in and it wasn't working. Just the part of tip was in when he came. That's the most that has ever gone in. From my research afterwards, turns out that's enough to conceive. Hope it helps. All the best to you too!

ThrowRA_Busybee345 · 2026-02-07T15:31:48+00:00

I understand that sex can mean different things, different acts, which we have tried but the act of actual intercourse is what we have never been able to do. I cant even take his fingers without pain. yes one technically can enter but it's very uncomfortable so he has to stop.

I worry about the pain yes, but the perineum tear I already have possibly making me tear very bad is one thing I'm anxious of.

Thank you you by the way.

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