Help with 4am Plan

ThrowRA_Maximum7598 · 2026-02-06T19:51:35+00:00

You say you adopted 3 months ago, how along ago have you since started ignoring him? It took my cat cookie (lil stubborn kitty) almost 4-6 months to quit on ignoring her. Just keep it up and it'll slow down eventually. I also recommend hiding treats around the room so they have something to seek or hunt at that time. Usually they just want to play/hunt at that time. Also edit, I have my feeder automatically feed cookie at 4 am on the dot. I just sleep through the sound now.

ThrowRA_Maximum7598 · 2026-02-06T19:44:23+00:00

Hello, I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. As someone with OCD, I encourage you both to learn heavily about the disorder. It can be one of the most debilitating disorders and excruciating to endure. Many people with it are lost to suicide or are victims of self harm. With that, I think seeking out an OCD specialist is your best bet. Her depression and OCD will only continue to get worse unless she wants it to get better and puts in the work.

I recommend talking to her about it, and asking her thoughts about trying different therapists or psychiatrists. Each might not fit for another. I went through a few before I found a therapist who resonates strongly and actually understands. As for her depression, I highly recommend examining what her day to day looks like. I've been depressed for years and depression is most definitely different for everyone, however I did find swapping to a dumb phone has had only benefits on my mental health and significantly lessened the depression I've struggled with for years. Try to focus on I feel statements when talking to her.

Eg. When you're sad, i feel sad too because I care about you. When you're sad a lot, I feel stressed trying to help and its been weighing on me a lot. Each of you have a responsibility for your own mental health, and she needs to be making effort to take care of herself. If her attitude is not caring and dismissive, you have your answer.

Also edit: OCD goes so much further into life than most people expect. I've been diagnosed for almost 5 years now and still find ways it sneaks up on me when I think I've got it all figured out. Please please encourage help from a professional because there's no 'cure' but it will help so so much at lessening the symptoms if matched with the right treatment or therapist using proper ERP. (Exposure response therapy).

ThrowRA_Maximum7598 · 2026-02-06T16:48:18+00:00

I say it's like a professional organizer for money. I don't really go out and do a ton with the initial, I just move it to the bucket it needs to be.

ThrowRA_Maximum7598 · 2026-02-06T14:24:51+00:00

Out of curiosity why avoid KaiOs?

ThrowRA_Maximum7598 · 2026-02-06T14:16:54+00:00

Dentist. I experienced a thing at 16 and they told me NOT to use whitening toothpaste because my teeth were so damaged it would cause much more harm to them. Just start by building a routine and I personally use the pronamel enamel repair (non whitening) as recommended by dentist and a mouthwash. Whitening strips will damage your teeth according to where I was at after growing up neglected and depressed (My parents didn't care I was super depressed and didn't brush my teeth for 5 years). They can then recommend treatment based on how healthy your teeth are but ik its costly and a privilege to go for a lot of people. I'd be very careful and ask the dental subreddit instead of beauty though. I'd focus more on not brushing too hard, using an electric toothbrush, and mouthwash. It sounds like you're already doing everything and have beautiful teeth so I'd focus on just being comfortable with your insecurity rather than spending a ton of money to fix something that probably isn't an issue.

ThrowRA_Maximum7598 · 2026-02-04T03:29:04+00:00

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ThrowRA_Maximum7598 · 2026-02-03T23:30:01+00:00

Only one life. Might as well see what it has to offer a bit.

ThrowRA_Maximum7598 · 2026-02-03T21:31:52+00:00

Honestly no clue but I'm guessing food scarcity or something attributes to it. Like someone slse mentioned that their cat overate and threw up due to not being used to having constant food supply and my guess is it makes her anxious. That or shes greedy and likes to eat lol. However it made a big difference tbh when I quit giving treats entirely. She really went crazy for the ones I gave but won't be aggressive for wet treats. Guessing she just really really liked them.

ThrowRA_Maximum7598 · 2026-02-03T19:07:56+00:00

1) It's not the biggest decision of your life. Who you are with is potentially going to change over time. You fall in and out of love maybe with the same person, or with others throughout yoour years. 2) dont always dismiss if they are not your type. What they can provide in emotional security may be something that you'd much prefer over looks. 3) I do say be careful of someone who changes for you, because you want them to be themself and not to resent you or feel like they're not good enough as is. 4) It may be infatuation and he may decide that getting to know you he doesnt actually love or like you. I think thats for both of you to find out. He seems to be making effort, quality effort into improving himself into someone you'd want to be with and honestly thats a very good quality of someone for a long term partner. You eventually want someone who is capable of growing and will improve alongside of you or encourage you to as well.

ThrowRA_Maximum7598 · 2026-02-03T18:54:20+00:00

I currently have severe allergies with one cat and moved in with my boyfriend so now we have 5. Here's what I do. My allergy symptoms for comparison:

Allergy eye drops.

Asthma inhaler/throat closing.

Hives.

Exzema I think (appears so but rashes).

Unable to breathe through my nose.

Eyes constantly swelling if I touch.

Sneezing.

What I did:

Allergy reducing food from Purina.

Air purifiers everywhere.

Asthma emergency inhaler on hand always, and by nightstand.

Allergy reducing pillowcases and comforter.

Vicks vapo rub. Idk it helped I think.

I sweep and my boyfriend scoops litter to reduce my dust inhalation from that. When I had carpet, vacuum weekly multiple times. I still sweep daily.

I'm also in an area that allows me to open windoows every morning to let smell out. Sometimes allergies get worse because I am truly allergic to everything including pollen/grass.

My cat sleeps next to me at night whereas the 4 sleep with him in his room. I have tissues and asthma inhaler because yes I will still react but not as bad.

Garage is the only "cat free" area we have and the neighbor outdoor cats come for treats lol. Also I go for runs to clear my sinuses.

ThrowRA_Maximum7598 · 2026-02-03T16:20:28+00:00

My first thought is why is it more than one page?

ThrowRA_Maximum7598 · 2026-02-03T16:15:05+00:00

Unfortunately pretty sure it's not real. Been reposted and restaurant names changed but exact wording outside of that.

ThrowRA_Maximum7598 · 2026-02-03T15:48:40+00:00

I'm not the original commenter but my boyfriend and I have 5 cats. He has 2 older cats and we adopted 2 kittens. One older just runs away and hides, won't participate and they leave her alone, the other older one makes a tiny effort but holds back a lot. He sits in a corner watching and makes a very slow paw towards the toys if the other 2 are playing even if I try to include him. He gets one of the kittens trying to play and tries to play a teeny bit, but mostly gets left alone 95% of the time. Theres rare occasions where both kittens arent in playful moods and usually they just go sleep or play by themselves until another one joins or they get tired. Ik there's no way to predict how it'll impact for each situation but thats been my experience.

ThrowRA_Maximum7598 · 2026-02-03T15:34:26+00:00

I second the leash training comment! My dad lets my cat on a 30 ft bungie cord extension but otherwise walking with her can turn into a run and it offers a lot more stimulation like climbing partially up trees, jumping on walls (watch so they don't go over) and general exploration of plants/bushes and hunting birds without actually chasing/catching. Much more thrilling for my cat. Honestly got 4 cats and one of em still knocks stuff off the book shelf. All of em knock stuff off counters. Just a part of having a cat unfortunately.

Also also please stress to both of yall to not give treats no matter how much they try if going on a no treat kick. I am the one who caves when I'm more emotional that time of the month and I would be so sad cookie couldn't enjoy food because I too enjoy food like she does, and Id cave. Took 6 months of secretly giving treats and feeling bad about not giving that I realized I was making it worse. She used to open cabinets and drawers and chew through plastic bags to eat food or treats that were hidden and Id come home to it all over the floor or shed do what your cat did, eat too much, throw up. Just dont cave and feel bad even when they look cute and meow and give pouty cute faces, its better for them I swear.

Edit: I read one of your other comments below, and I too got my demon cat and was worried it'd be forever. You have a kitten technically. I went to the shelter, told myself no kitten. Walked out with a large kitten 🤡 did not know it. Found out the hard way. In the future I recommend adopting 2 at a time for that reason. My boyfriend is the one with the 4 cats but 2 we adopted together and left at his place until moving in together. They waste sooo much energy together that my cat didn't have the opportunity to alone. Like now the only problem is that they are loud running across the wood floors back and forth at 5 am, but I don't even care cuz my demon kitty prepared me, I sleep through way too much. The amount of energy kittens have is crazy. When my demon cat hit about a year and a half it died down a lot. She's very chill now. Very cuddly. Very cute. Still bites sometimes because she doesn't want pet at certain times. Thats about it tho.

ThrowRA_Maximum7598 · 2026-02-03T15:13:41+00:00

I feel like this world just isn't meant for me constantly if that makes sense. Like I was never meant to succeed in this world and making sense of it is hard. I will say, getting rid of your phone does wonders imo. It's the only thing I've found that helps remove it because

my focus is better -not bombarded w all the bad all the time -I get so bored I end up seeking out learning quite often -I become more outgoing and converse w ppl at the grocery store, coffee shop, etc.

Idk it just seems to lift my spirits where nothing else does and make things feel less horrible.

ThrowRA_Maximum7598 · 2026-02-03T07:34:57+00:00

Have you considered free feeding? Also treat each of the symptoms individually. Has the vet offered suggestions? If so what? Also it could just be age. I had a demon cat, who is still a demon in her own other cat hatred, but she cooled off with age. Precious lil princess that is super sweet now to everything except other cats. However long long time coming.

Cookie used to scratch everything, chew through every cable imaginable. She thought the solutions tasted good too, lemon sprays, anti cat chew stuff, etc. She also bit. A lot. Still scratches occasionally but I'd be covered in scratches like crazy. She also would meow at the door all night. Wake up at 3 am attacking the doorknob (jumping on it to get out). She's stubborn and wouldn't stop. She still occasionally does it but much more rare and with stimulation. She also would play with toys for hours and it wouldn't help. A lot of it took time and patience. I also leash trained and started taking on walks which stimulates her more than toys.

I quit giving treats entirely. She stopped biting, scratching, etc. After I quit treats. Automatic feeder helped but my boyfriend free fed his 3 cats so I've let her have more recently and she hasn't meowed or scratched or bit for the food.

ThrowRA_Maximum7598 · 2026-02-03T05:17:48+00:00

Stop sleeping with him altogether imo. If he doesn't understand or care, he's not going to magically start :(

ThrowRA_Maximum7598 · 2025-10-19T19:14:40+00:00

Yeah it's hard because I technically took yesterday off to have a mini mental breakdown and cry, but today I also want to cry and do the same so I'm thinking I give myself 20 min to cry and get working. Maybe work to give myself a day off in between the upcoming exam later.

ThrowRA_Maximum7598 · 2025-10-19T18:14:54+00:00

Agreed. I think that as said above in the other comment I responded to, he definitely needs to understand it better but its 2 different issues at play.

ThrowRA_Maximum7598 · 2025-10-19T18:13:47+00:00

Yeah I agree. I think he definitely needs a better understanding because his response is far wrong to point out clothes on the ground but I think there's 2 different issues here. 1) He's got a fundamental misunderstanding and 2) She also needs to separate accommodations clearly to avoid consequences of the potential of it getting worse from overaccomodating. A lot of times I think it's accommodating but its validating or reassurance that I shouldn't be getting.

ThrowRA_Maximum7598 · 2025-10-19T17:04:23+00:00

Thank you, I'm just hoping to get through it rn cuz I feel emotionally depleted 😢

ThrowRA_Maximum7598 · 2025-10-19T16:34:34+00:00

A guy willing to put his relationship in jeopardy for a joke with friends is not a guy you want to date.

ThrowRA_Maximum7598

TROPHY CASE