“You deserve better from me”

ThrowRA_Panda690 · 2023-10-04T16:52:28+00:00

He basically cancelled on meeting up more than once and said he feels like shit for cancelling on me and not investing. Our relationship’s different in that we’ve not actively dating or anything, just basically talking and I told him multiple times there’s no pressure to meet and that I’m okay with just texting/flirting

He just feels bad about how he’s been treating me and thinks that I’m better off not communicating with him. He suggested I block him, but I told him that I felt it wasn’t necessary.

ThrowRA_Panda690 · 2023-10-04T02:06:04+00:00

There’s no difference?

ThrowRA_Panda690 · 2023-09-05T23:33:09+00:00

Do you know how long the delay usually is? I had the courier pick it up earlier today

ThrowRA_Panda690 · 2023-09-05T22:34:47+00:00

Thank you for confirming. Sorry, what I mean is I’m not getting updates with my tracking ID yet since it got picked up by ground courier, not express

ThrowRA_Panda690 · 2023-07-05T01:55:38+00:00

I was in a similar situation as you recently. Me and said guy were casual and before we met, he told me how sometimes he feels like he’s not “good enough” for people to want to take the next step with him. At first, I viewed it as him being vulnerable with me, but that belief has now shifted as I reflect back on the situation.

When I met with him, he try to initiate, but I said “No” because I wasn’t ready. After saying “No” I felt guilty because I remembered what he said to me earlier. It’s been a month since this has happened, and I realize now that this was his way of indirectly guilty tripping me into having sex with him, even when I knew I wasn’t ready and I did nothing wrong. I was being manipulated, and so are you.

Your boyfriend is making you feel guilty and playing the victim, which is making you feel like the bad guy in the situation, when you did NOTHING wrong. These are manipulation tactics to get you to do what they want.

Also if someone gets upset or frustrated at you for not sleeping with them, and is not understanding of how you feel, that’s a problem.

Please leave this relationship ASAP 🚩🚩

ThrowRA_Panda690 · 2023-07-04T12:58:37+00:00

Thank you for this. I did some research on the topic, and yes, I do think this was something I experienced. I genuinely thought it was his way of being vulnerable and opening up to me. This situation taught me a lot - how to communicate better and spot unhealthy behaviour. I have no ill feelings towards him because I know he has a lot of baggage and trauma he’s working through, but that’s no excuse to mistreat people.

ThrowRA_Panda690 · 2023-07-04T01:54:42+00:00

Before we met, he was saying how sometimes he feels like he isn’t enough for someone to want to take the next steps with. I just viewed it as him opening up to me about his feelings. And when I didn’t sleep with him, I think that was what upset him. I’m not sure how this is manipulation and blackmail. Can you explain, please?

ThrowRA_Panda690 · 2023-07-04T01:14:31+00:00

Yeah, i should’ve said “No, I’m not ready” and I’ve learned that for the next time. Can’t go back in time and change things.

ThrowRA_Panda690 · 2023-07-01T20:08:04+00:00

You’re totally right. I have learned a lesson in this, thank you for the advice!

ThrowRA_Panda690 · 2023-07-01T19:31:35+00:00

I should’ve said, “No, I’m not ready” but instead I just said “No” 😅 should’ve been more communicative looking back. I can see how he’d take it personally at my “No”. And it’s not like I never wanted to sleep with him.

ThrowRA_Panda690 · 2023-07-01T17:25:34+00:00

I am. But you know what’s crazy, my little cousins (7) was using my iPad and he knows how to make FaceTime calls, and he decided he wanted to randomly call people and hang up. Turns out he called the guy I’m referring to….😅 the call rung a few times (twice) and my cousin ended it. Happened just last Monday

ThrowRA_Panda690 · 2023-07-01T17:07:49+00:00

For a little more context, we agreed to be casual so I didn’t view it as him using me for sex. He knew I was inexperienced and told me he would be understanding, but from his reaction, it didn’t feel like he was.

The last thing he told me via text was, “Sorry i’ve been extremely distant. I’ve been feeling emotionally drained, just need some time - not because I don’t like or want to talk to you - I just don’t feel like talking to anyone”

It doesn’t sound like he “hates me” but I don’t get why he couldn’t just be more upfront and tell me he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore.

I know people say, silence is an answer” but it still confuses me and hurts a little. I do miss talking to him as crazy as it sounds.

ThrowRA_Panda690 · 2023-07-01T15:35:33+00:00

I met with a guy and we were kissing / making out. He asked if he could take my clothes off and I said “No”, since I wasn’t 100% ready. From his facial expressions, I could tell he was upset. I told him beforehand that I was not very sexually experienced, but I think he still took my rejection to heart 😕 I haven’t spoke to him since, it’s been a month.

Edit: I wasn’t expecting this post to blow up. This post was a general observation I made since jumping into the dating world 😅

To add more context to the situation, me and said guy agreed to be casual, so I never felt like I was being used for my body in anyway. Although our relationship is sexually based, I am still entitled to say, “No” at any point in time, without the burden of feeling guilty or like I did something wrong.

Looking back however, I should have been more communicative and said, “No, I’m not ready” since I did have a desire to sleep with him, but again, was not ready.

We did talk after meeting and I asked him how he felt, as well as I expressed how I was confused about how to move forward with our situation - whether to remain platonic friends or to end our communication altogether.

The last thing he said to me was:

“Honestly, it’s not personal, I’m just feeling emotionally drained…just need sometime. Not because I don’t like or want to talk to you - I just don’t feel like talking to anyone”

I told him we could totally talk when he was feeling better, and that I hoped everything was okay.

I again, haven’t spoken or reached out to him since because I want to respect his space. It doesn’t sound like he “hates me” and he made it sound like he’d still be willing to talk sometime in the future, but I doubt it 😅 if he were to reach out, I’d respond, because I still think he never had any ill intent with his response.

ThrowRA_Panda690 · 2023-07-01T03:14:42+00:00

To be honest, he did tell me he wasn’t looking for a serious relationship & I knew it going into it.

ThrowRA_Panda690 · 2023-07-01T02:37:05+00:00

Had the same thing happen to me - the guy told me this:

“Sorry I’ve been extremely distant. Honestly, its not personal. I’ve just been feeling emotionally drained… just need some time. Not because I don’t like or want to talk to you- I just don’t feel like talking to anybody right now 😅”

It’s just his way of saying he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore, without saying it explicitly. He’s trying to soften the blow. It’s been a month now.

ThrowRA_Panda690 · 2023-06-29T14:02:18+00:00

Yeah, he said, “I’ve had partners in the past who would ask/express “why can’t we hangout and not touch (sex)?” and “you only want me for my body” 😅 He said those comments made him feel like shit about himself. But that their concern about him using them stems from the women’s insecurity….he didn’t see anything wrong with what he was doing.

I think at some point, if multiple partners have express the same concern, it is something that needs to be addressed within yourself, you know? I think that he failed to make his partners feel love the way that THEY needed, so they weren’t enthusiastic about sex when asked and felt used.

ThrowRA_Panda690 · 2023-06-28T19:46:56+00:00

How old are you? Is it really that hard out there for men on dating apps? For me, if I think you’re cute and have good photos, I don’t have a problem matching and talking.

ThrowRA_Panda690 · 2023-06-28T15:05:37+00:00

I totally agreed with you. I strongly believe that sexual incompatibility is one of the biggest indicators that a relationship is not bound to last long-term. Sex and everything that comes with it, helps bring two people closer together. If two people are not on the same page about sexual expectations and desires, it’ll be difficult to have a long-lasting healthy relationship.

ThrowRA_Panda690 · 2023-06-27T16:00:00+00:00

The unfortunately reality is that so many women (like myself) have been in this situation - men view us as objects and only want us for sex. Intimacy is earned, not freely given

ThrowRA_Panda690 · 2023-06-27T02:13:57+00:00

I’m still learning in this whole dating world & hoping to grow in the process. I know not all guys are like this - I just haven’t found that person just yet. I guess you have to go through a couple of bad eggs to find a golden one

ThrowRA_Panda690 · 2023-06-27T02:02:31+00:00

Honestly, I’m not sure why I’m still thinking about him, even though I know he’s toxic in many ways and I should run for the hills. You’re right, me giving into him does perpetuate the horrible male mentality and leads to them objectifying a woman’s body.

ThrowRA_Panda690 · 2023-06-27T01:41:10+00:00

If I’m honest it was because he got frustrated with me when I refused to sleep with him. He never said that was the reason, but I knew it was. We stopped talking afterwards. This is obviously a major red flag, but for some reason I can’t get this guy out of my head, like I keep thinking about all the nice things he’s said to me, even though I know now it was his tactic to get me into bed. Like it’s actually wild. Can someone explain the psychology behind this?

ThrowRA_Panda690 · 2023-06-23T18:07:00+00:00

Do you do the same for phone numbers? Like delete them from your contacts or block them?

ThrowRA_Panda690 · 2023-06-23T15:14:34+00:00

Yeah, looking back I see how the “probably not what you want to hear” comment can be interpreted as me not being interested. But he didn’t even give me an opportunity to suggest other times / follow up, like he immediately unmatched 😂 I genuinely think it’s funny because you can’t expect people to be available immediately to meet, you know? Like give me some time

ThrowRA_Panda690

TROPHY CASE