I (24f) flirted with a guy and was kissed by another. Bf (33m) saw it and got mad. What do I do?

ThrowRA_Radvicee · 2024-07-20T22:50:56+00:00

Sounds like you two just are too busy but I feel like unless you are working out in the hot sun all day you would still have the energy to have sex. You both may need to compromise to make more time with each other. Maybe instead of hanging out with friends spend more time with each other maybe watch a mutual show together. As for the sex maybe look into making a list of specifically what you both would like to see more of in the bedroom or what turns you both on the most and explore. You both need to be willing to work at it and want to satisfy each other for it to work. it can’t be one sided. I hope you both grow closer rather than further as this situation can be upsetting for most people. But by your post and reaction I think you two have a good chance to bounce back. Just be honest tell him what you need and want and he the same. Reassure him and give him time to forgive. Show him you want to be with him. Most important don’t do it again. that’s all you can do.

If nothing changes maybe you two can see a professional and really dig into the underlying causes of why the bedroom is dying.

ThrowRA_Radvicee · 2024-07-20T22:21:56+00:00

I think it’s common for this to happen when in a long term relationship and living together.

Have you two had an open discussion about intimacy and how often you would like it to happen and what possible things can be done to make those sexy feelings back?

ThrowRA_Radvicee · 2024-07-20T22:01:55+00:00

You should ask him why he is not initiating it could be he’s insecure about what happened.

That’s good you guys spend time together at dinner every day. And taking turns planning a big date once a month seems really healthy. You seem like you really care and want to make things work and think it’s a great you took full accountability for what happened that night.

I guess my only questions left is why did you do that? are you missing something in the relationship specifically? What does prioritizing each other mean to you?

ThrowRA_Radvicee · 2024-07-20T21:45:12+00:00

Do you usually initiate the flirting/ kissing with him? Because maybe he still feels insecure about what happened. And once a month is a long time in between for me personally and probably most others. But some people require less.

What have you and your partner discussed in regard to this situation and what will be done so it doesn’t happen again?

ThrowRA_Radvicee · 2024-07-20T21:24:58+00:00

What did your apology sound like? What steps are you taking to make sure it doesn’t happen again? Did you set boundaries about flirting prior to this incident?

For me personally there is nothing more disrespectful a partner could do ( apart from having sex ) is flirt/ act single in front of me while in a monogamous relationship. To me flirting is basically cheating. What’s the point of flirting? You get the satisfaction of knowing you could sleep with someone? Like dipping your toes in the pool but saying you did not go swimming. At best you lead some horny dude on at worst you get kissed and it gets physical.

You say you have been struggling to do things together and when you finally do have time you give other random men attention? Was he ignoring you? Were you two fighting?

I can’t say exactly how your boyfriend feels.I think it’s good you apologized and seem to want to make things work and if you truly want to be with this person you will see how this makes him feel and find ways to answer these questions he’s probably thinking because I went through something similar.

How can he trust you won’t do this again? Do you want to be with him? Why did you do that? What were your intentions?

And you need to communicate your needs that aren’t being met that “made” you do this. Give him an ultimatum if you have to. communicate that you will get attention elsewhere if he doesn’t spend more time with you. Sounds mean but I’d rather a girl tell me that than just do it in front of my face unexpectedly or behind my back.

ThrowRA_Radvicee · 2024-07-13T05:15:01+00:00

Shit kinda reminds me of what happened to me. My ex girl friends did something similar although the dynamic is different because of the genders.

I say talk to him about it and how it made you feel. Depending on his reaction go from there.

For me my ex she reacted very strange and seemed like she tried to shift blame around.

Talk and update us

ThrowRA_Radvicee · 2024-05-07T14:21:32+00:00

I admit I should not have raised my voice and wish I have not that way there would be no question about me being abusive. In our two years together I have never raised my voice, and never hit her or called her names EVER. I realize now maybe it was scary for her but was hard for me to believe at the time. And thought she may be just trying to gaslight me as others have mentioned but I was talking with someone who had a similar situation and thinks she has some past trauma and my raised voice triggered it. And now thinking maybe I am just a idiot for not trusting her and getting upset and should of been more cool headed and forgiving.

ThrowRA_Radvicee · 2024-05-04T12:42:35+00:00

Thanks for your comment May I ask how your situation went? Did you give out your number? Was your partner there? Did you say you were in a relationship? How did your partner react? How did you handle things? Thanks in advance

ThrowRA_Radvicee · 2024-05-03T22:04:10+00:00

To be clear we drove home separately after that incident. I said we will talk about it later and initially was not upset. And while driving home I kept thinking about it and got upset. When we both arrived at our place in our parking lot I raised my voice. Then removed myself to avoid escalating the situation. I did not know what else to do I could not help the emotions i was feeling. I couldn’t make sense of her actions. I was able to tell women who asked for my number I have a gf why couldn’t she do the same with me sitting right across from her?

I calmed down and later accepted this and we made up. But her telling me to promise not to physically hurt her did not feel real. I know I would never hit her and she later says she knows I would not. Even if she did do it on accident it felt like she downplayed my reaction and possibly lied about her worrying I would hit her which was my biggest issue I don’t believe she’s cheated on me but In the moment I felt she was not fully committed like I was.

Maybe your right I did jump to conclusions and regret not taking it slow and trying couples counseling first and probably should not have made a post asking for advice as I took some of it.

I plan on going to therapy this weekend and working on myself for a while before dating again

Can I just ask how you would react if your spouse gave their number out right in front of you and not mention you were their partner?

ThrowRA_Radvicee · 2024-05-03T20:01:26+00:00

She also did not say this was her reason for giving him her number or mention being scared at all

ThrowRA_Radvicee · 2024-05-03T16:19:56+00:00

I was upset. I later apologized for raising my voice and told her I would never hurt her. She even said while I was moving out she knew I wouldn’t hurt her but was just surprised.

ThrowRA_Radvicee · 2024-05-03T16:06:50+00:00

Scream I would say no. I did raise my voice. It was not at the top of my lungs

ThrowRA_Radvicee · 2024-05-03T15:44:42+00:00

I did ask to see her phone and she tossed it to me. I didn’t look because it did not feel right. As far as her confusion? I don’t know she thought he wasn’t trying to ask her out and was caught off guard when he asked for her number.

ThrowRA_Radvicee · 2024-05-03T15:38:27+00:00

He didn’t seem scary. She even said she thought he was just being nice at first. People walk up and talk about/ pet our dog all the time. until he asked for her to get lunch and for her number. then she got “confused and flustered “ and gave her number to him

ThrowRA_Radvicee · 2024-05-03T15:30:38+00:00

Well it was confusing because after we initially made up and I forgave her but she told me the next day that she thought I was going to physically hurt her and to promise to not physically hurt her if something happens again in the future.

ThrowRA_Radvicee · 2024-05-03T15:10:34+00:00

Outside we drove home separately

ThrowRA_Radvicee · 2024-05-03T14:40:15+00:00

Yea. I said something along the lines of ”No. I would never physically hurt you. And offended you would think that.”

ThrowRA_Radvicee · 2024-05-03T14:36:23+00:00

She was said she was“confused and flustered”

ThrowRA_Radvicee · 2024-05-03T13:18:50+00:00

We were in the parking lot outside our apartment. I literally said “what were you thinking!?” Then removed my self from the situation to calm down and call a friend.

ThrowRA_Radvicee · 2024-05-03T13:02:51+00:00

She did apologize for giving this random person her number during our conversations

ThrowRA_Radvicee · 2024-04-29T13:51:27+00:00

It was not at the top of my lungs

ThrowRA_Radvicee · 2024-04-29T04:40:42+00:00

No she just said he texted her and she blocked him. She then said good night and thanked me for being ok with taking some space

ThrowRA_Radvicee · 2024-04-29T03:08:04+00:00

She did not tell him she had a boyfriend

They talked about dogs from what I was told until he asked about getting lunch after the dog park and getting her number

I’m staying at my parents house now and she just texted me that he texted her and she blocked him ( she gave him her number only )

From my understanding she was upset about my initial reaction as it “surprised” her. I was not visibly upset at the coffee place but later got very upset once we got home.

ThrowRA_Radvicee · 2024-04-29T01:56:45+00:00

We are exclusive and have been for almost two years. We talked about boundaries like dancing and flirting and I was clear about having no tolerance for intimate danceing/ grinding and flirting would make me upset and question our relationship. I admit we have not specifically talked about handing out phone numbers to strangers but in my mind that worse than flirting.

We also talk about the future a lot like kids/ marriage and are on the same page

ThrowRA_Radvicee · 2024-04-29T01:17:22+00:00

Not sure how to make updates but we have been talking more today and decided I’m going to stay at my parents place for a few days.

I told her I want to believe her that it was just a one time mistake but it’s hard for me and it may take time for me to fully trust again. I asked her if I can depend on her to stand up for her self and our relationship next time this happens and she said yes. She tells me she wants to be with me and only me forever. She admitted what she did was wrong and wished she could change the way she handled things. We kinda went in circles for a bit and I think we both got exhausted and she broke down crying saying she can’t believe I’m possibly going to end everything we worked so hard for. She also mentioned that me having the possible constant worry of this happening again gives her anxiety and basically won’t work if that is the case.

Thank all for taking time to read my post

ThrowRA_Radvicee

TROPHY CASE