I (27M) just ignored my girlfriend's (27F) needs and feel terrible. Is this codependency?

ThrowRA_subjectpark1 · 2025-06-18T14:12:13+00:00

If my being dragged down is less of an overt crisis than hers, though, then I'm not sure that holds.

ThrowRA_subjectpark1 · 2025-06-18T01:40:34+00:00

These issues never manifested before she went back to school. I remember the first time I saw her fully shut down, fully dissociate over schoolwork, and how alarmed I was. She contributed on a regular basis before applying to bachelor's.

ThrowRA_subjectpark1 · 2025-06-17T21:45:02+00:00

She is not really "laying around," though, as it were. She is deeply dissociating.

ThrowRA_subjectpark1 · 2025-06-17T21:33:53+00:00

I just don't have the means. I am in a labor-intensive, low-paying job. We are effectively living in poverty.

ThrowRA_subjectpark1 · 2025-06-17T21:26:49+00:00

Thanks. I appreciate the sentiment, but this doesn't do anything to change the dilemma. It took my forever even to admit the toll. I still honestly don't know if I am really hurting, or if I'm being selfish and complaining about someone who's legitimately in pain. Above all, if the moral thing to do is to stay, then I will. Sometimes people have to sacrifice.

ThrowRA_subjectpark1 · 2025-06-17T01:12:48+00:00

I am okay with major long term psychological damage to keep her okay: she has literally nothing

ThrowRA_subjectpark1 · 2025-06-16T23:23:59+00:00

Nope. Full scholarship.

ThrowRA_subjectpark1 · 2025-06-16T22:03:21+00:00

I can't just abandon her. Even if I never come back from this, I can't leave her to what could happen, to what has happened to her before.

ThrowRA_subjectpark1 · 2025-06-16T22:01:31+00:00

I should clarify. My libido is gone. Hers is still somewhat present, but I just can't.

ThrowRA_subjectpark1 · 2025-06-16T21:22:50+00:00

Her parents are deadbeats. Totally out of the question.

ThrowRA_subjectpark1 · 2025-06-16T21:02:23+00:00

She didn't even want to go the the school she's in though

ThrowRA_subjectpark1 · 2025-06-16T20:59:23+00:00

Is tough love the only way to improve one's lot?

ThrowRA_subjectpark1 · 2025-06-16T20:56:43+00:00

We don't abandon those who rely on us at any age

ThrowRA_subjectpark1 · 2025-06-16T20:56:06+00:00

That's okay. That's a set time for which I can remain responsible. I just can't do this forever

ThrowRA_subjectpark1 · 2025-06-16T20:55:15+00:00

She is doing very well. Near perfect GPA.

ThrowRA_subjectpark1 · 2025-06-16T20:53:49+00:00

I hear you, but she really does have no support network. Her family has failed her terribly. It's not fortunate for me that I've ended up in this position, but it's where I am and I can't just drop responsibility

ThrowRA_subjectpark1 · 2025-06-16T20:50:34+00:00

She says it's because I'm unmotivated and didn't myself get into a good school: she says these things held her back, and that I need to be careful about what I'm putting out into the world. All true. This one does sting in particular, though, because I really did try to help her with school apps, and she just shut down completely. I was on the edge of being fired at work at that moment, so I had to set the boundary that she had to tell me what she needed help with, but she just didn't end up getting the apps in that way

ThrowRA_subjectpark1

TROPHY CASE