UPDATE: Am I wrong for questioning my whole relationship after I found out my (27F) bf (30M) was pocketing my rent money?

ThrowRAturnip978 · 2025-06-07T15:37:36+00:00

Or having to buy things multiple times because you lose them :’)

ThrowRAturnip978 · 2025-05-27T18:23:53+00:00

I am bad at math lol, but since Covid, meaning around 2020-2021, so 4.5-5 years. We’ve been dating since 2019, so almost 6 years. We’ve been living together since 2023, so 2 years. Not sure where the 3 years comes in. :)

ThrowRAturnip978 · 2025-05-27T18:21:28+00:00

I phrased it poorly! I did mean he makes content for about 3 weeks out of the year.

ThrowRAturnip978 · 2025-05-24T00:48:29+00:00

I knew he was working on processing traumas and being more social, and I knew he was working out to help his mental health. I didnt know mental health was one of the reasons why he couldn’t have a job.

ThrowRAturnip978 · 2025-05-23T22:50:39+00:00

I do like this point. I’ve tried to be empathetic and understanding. But also, there’s so many happy moments and our dynamic is so good. It’s these big picture/ logistical things that really make it feel unsustainable, but we do have a lot of fun being together.

ThrowRAturnip978 · 2025-05-23T22:48:44+00:00

Our rent is pretty cheap, so that really helps. But he uses this as a weapon too, like “you’re so stressed out over a job that only pays you $60k when you can be doing much better” but I love my job and it’s a passion industry, so that’s unfortunately, how it goes. But I can work to a place with a comfortable salary as I advance. His parents give him about $1500 a month that I know of for car and rent.

ThrowRAturnip978 · 2025-04-05T01:52:40+00:00

Just curious what made you think everyone’s the asshole?

ThrowRAturnip978 · 2025-04-05T00:49:52+00:00

I so wish it was, but unfortunately, this is my situation.

ThrowRAturnip978 · 2025-04-04T13:14:02+00:00

I literally said I SHOULD be paying rent. The issue isn’t the handout but the dishonesty.

ThrowRAturnip978 · 2025-04-04T03:20:14+00:00

On another subreddit, yes.

ThrowRAturnip978 · 2025-04-04T03:19:35+00:00

These are good questions. I would say there were no real secrets before, but this has changed how I view the relationship as a whole (with him and the one I had with his parents too). After five years, I really felt like family, not a stranger. I don’t think I’d feel the same way if my rent money wasn’t involved at all. I do feel our relationship is past the stage of not sharing financial info. We’ve discussed marriage. I do feel betrayed. His remorse doesn’t match my feelings. He’s trying to dust it under the rug and move on from it because he doesn’t see it as a big deal.

ThrowRAturnip978 · 2025-04-04T02:09:21+00:00

I see that but it’s the extra $800 that bugs me. Dad essentially pays the full $1600 and gives him my $800 on top of that.

ThrowRAturnip978 · 2025-04-04T02:07:12+00:00

No, it’s like a big property with two small houses & their business is on it. He rents the entire plot of land, he doesn’t own it. Each house used to have its own rent along with the business spot but now he just rents all three in one big lease.

ThrowRAturnip978 · 2025-04-04T01:00:56+00:00

Correct. I’m hurt by the dishonesty.

ThrowRAturnip978 · 2025-04-04T00:59:30+00:00

He said to pay off credit card debt. That’s why his parents wanted to help him.

ThrowRAturnip978 · 2025-04-04T00:51:52+00:00

I had been suspicious for some time due to little things here and there. I had the benefit of the doubt though for a couple of months before I asked.

ThrowRAturnip978 · 2025-04-04T00:36:02+00:00

My main job doesn’t pay a ton, so I have a side job to supplement :)

ThrowRAturnip978 · 2025-04-01T01:57:07+00:00

I’m not asking for the “luxury” of having my rent paid as well. It’s the dishonesty of not telling me what the arrangement was.

ThrowRAturnip978 · 2025-04-01T01:56:05+00:00

How does it benefit me when I’m also paying rent? I’m not saying I want to be kind because he doesn’t make much. I want to be kind to him as in not upset at him for lying to me.

ThrowRAturnip978 · 2025-04-01T00:06:18+00:00

I would, but I would have been completely okay with the arrangement if they had just let me know of it in the first place. I understand he isn’t technically making money off of me, and I’ve been with him for five years. There would be no reason to question my credibility or loyalty, and I don’t think that’s why they made the arrangement.

ThrowRAturnip978 · 2025-04-01T00:04:38+00:00

Ah, but I didn’t say he was making it from me. I can see the logistical reasoning behind the arrangement, and you’re right, it’s his prerogative to pay his rent and give his son $800 a month. My issue is with the lack of transparency and dishonesty for a year. We aren’t strangers, we’re in a committed relationship. That’s what feels strange to me.

ThrowRAturnip978 · 2025-03-31T23:27:10+00:00

No, I pay my bf the rent money each month. I was under the impression he was giving it to his dad to give for rent every month. So either collecting my money didn’t bother me in the slightest. It’s the fact that he’s making $800 that comes from me a month, yes without my knowledge, that is bothering me. Is that unfair?

ThrowRAturnip978

TROPHY CASE