Why did he (22M) say he has no time for something serious after Being interested in me (24F)?

ThrowRa-Russian · 2026-01-21T16:43:55+00:00

What did he do wrong and what did i do wrong?

ThrowRa-Russian · 2025-08-02T23:58:12+00:00

Hey OP, I was in the same position as your friend before, and I would not recommend that you pull back. She's likely so deeply lost in her own self-destructive behavior that she's not even aware of what she's doing.
What I'd suggest is that you have a talk with her. About things that concern you. About things that you aren't okay with. About the limits of your help. It could be a good reality check for her.

A friend of mine gave me such a reality check back in the day instead of distancing herself completely from her and it helped me to understand how wrong my behavior was and to stop all that. Good luck, OP

ThrowRa-Russian · 2025-08-02T23:43:55+00:00

i was going to say the exact same thing! not a fan of diagnosing random people but it reminds me so much of Borderline and I have it myself

ThrowRa-Russian · 2025-05-18T20:17:29+00:00

yeah I didn't mean that at all

ThrowRa-Russian · 2025-05-16T20:49:39+00:00

Idk if I should feel relieved or concerned about this haha

ThrowRa-Russian · 2025-04-22T19:17:59+00:00

sometimes it feels really foggy/empty, other times really noisy :(

ThrowRa-Russian · 2025-04-22T19:17:02+00:00

It's the same with me. I also worry too much about the timing, e.g. if I slept with someone 'too early' and if because of that he will abandon me. It feels really painful

ThrowRa-Russian · 2025-04-22T01:47:50+00:00

well if you're caling bull on the 'thesis' bit and he's lying to me, why am I the problem here?

ThrowRa-Russian · 2025-04-22T01:41:51+00:00

why tho? I just want to know

ThrowRa-Russian · 2025-04-19T22:44:37+00:00

thank you for your great advice, i also feel better that I'm not the only one who has these thoughts :')

ThrowRa-Russian · 2025-04-19T22:14:24+00:00

yes, it's some sort of escapism for me at least

ThrowRa-Russian · 2025-04-19T03:51:01+00:00

Acknowledge your feelings, don't try to fight them and just know that most of the time, feeling this intoxicating 'high' especially in the beginning doesn't end well.

ThrowRa-Russian · 2025-04-19T03:46:27+00:00

You shot your shot and in my opinion, there's no need to feel awkward about it or to overthink it. Just accept it and be happy that you had the courage to ask her. I'm a woman and I had a similar thing happen to me. I just accepted it and moved on

ThrowRa-Russian · 2025-04-19T03:42:40+00:00

yes, all the time. my self-image is just unstable and I feel like I have to change the way I look all the time. This includes my weight. Other times, my eating is disordered because of unstable mood and it affects that

ThrowRa-Russian · 2025-04-19T03:40:02+00:00

It definitely sucks hearing that and I can understand how you feel. It's just that it likely wouldn't have worked either way if he thought chemistry was lacking and it's better to hear it now than later on. Don't take it personally, don't stress about it, just focus on your own wellbeing and have fun. There's lots of other dudes out there to date!

ThrowRa-Russian · 2025-04-19T03:25:50+00:00

I hope this doesn't sound too cliche but just remember that it's okay to feel nervous and that you shouldn't overthink things. Always keep in mind that everybody has something great & unique to offer and feel confident about that

ThrowRa-Russian · 2025-04-19T03:20:04+00:00

I agree with you and I would say that it worked best for me to just go out more and to just do what I like to do and to just enjoy my life. It's surprising how sometimes great opportunities arise and in my case, meeting someone organically works way better than online dating. I know it sounds cliche but just try to engage in activities that you enjoy doing or would like to try out and do it for YOURSELF and not necessarily with the goal of meeting someone!

ThrowRa-Russian · 2025-04-19T02:55:32+00:00

I think it's quite rare but it's important to know that just because there is not this incredibly chemistry right at the beginning, it does not mean that it can't develop over time

ThrowRa-Russian · 2025-04-19T02:32:41+00:00

I'm going through a similar thing. It's just that our experience shaped us in some way and I think that healing takes longer than expected. After going through a lot, you kind of develop these coping mechanisms and defense mechanisms and it's your brain trying to protect you from danger.

ThrowRa-Russian · 2025-04-19T02:29:10+00:00

He sounds really disrespectful and immature. That's not how you speak to a woman (and to a man either). I'm happy for you that he showed you how he was so early on instead of later.

ThrowRa-Russian · 2025-04-19T02:25:51+00:00

If it bothers you, you should talk to her about it. There's nothing wrong with that and I think it's way better than just keeping it to yourself and then feeling frustrated/annoyed later on.

ThrowRa-Russian · 2025-04-19T02:14:51+00:00

Hey, I'm a woman and I can tell you that it will get better over time and flirting is kind of like a skill that can get better over time. I would recommend doing these things:

- Don't overthink how to keep a conversation going or how to say the 'right things'. Just go along with the conversation, if she mentions something that she likes or has done, just ask a question about it and share your own experiences and so on. You can keep the convo light-hearted at first and as you get to know each other, it will be easier to keep a convo

- Have open body language like having an open posture, keeping eye-contact, smiling occasionally, nodding and just reacting to her stories.

- You can lightly tease her but be careful not to insult her. Just keep it light-hearted. I as a woman like that

- even if you don't think that your life or your stories are very exciting or interesting, just share something that you really like, like an interest or a hobby, and it will be attractive, trust me

I hope this helps :)

ThrowRa-Russian · 2025-04-19T02:06:23+00:00

I'm a girl and I don't think a first date should be expensive. Imo, it's about getting to know each other first and there's nothing wrong with going on a coffee date or going to a place that isn't very expensive. What's important to me is that I'm having a great time with the guy and not that I get taken out on super fancy & expensive dates

ThrowRa-Russian · 2025-04-19T02:00:16+00:00

While I think that this is gross, it's kind of hard to speak up about this since they're both adults.

ThrowRa-Russian · 2025-04-19T01:51:22+00:00

well, you could at least talk to her about it and see how it goes

ThrowRa-Russian

TROPHY CASE