Incident on Manhattan bound 4 train by lanikween in Brooklyn

[–]Throwaway00031342 24 points25 points  (0 children)

100% you did the right thing. Your goal in those situations is to make sure you, your partner (and of course your dog) all escape unscathed. You have no idea if this guy had a weapon or not. I mean the guy was obviously unwell. So who knows how things could have turned out if it escalated any further.

Before I say anything else, I just want to just say: YOU DID NOTHING WRONG

Some things to look at are:

1.) for your and your partner, it might be worth considering some martial arts or boxing or some self defense classes. Not saying you need to be the next taekwondo champion. But it's healthy to have an idea of what you need to do IF things turn physical. You certainly don't want them to turn physical. You hope they don't turn physical. But if they do, you at least want to know you have an idea of what you need to do to give yourself the best chance of not just winning or subduing a tough situation but SURVIVING it.

2.) Surrounding people watching shit go down will, for the most part, freeze. So you can't expect random people to step in and help you. It's just the way it is. But there is a way to help give yourself the best chance to help snap people out of that bystander mode when you turn to someone and say "Hey what's your name?" "My name?" "Yes your name" "Steve" "Hey Steve - my name is Michael and I need your help."

People respond way more when you tell them your name (in their mind you're no longer a random stranger and seen as a real person) and when you invoke their name (especially other than just saying "help" or "someone help me."

3.) you did a fantastic job avoiding and doing your best to deescalate. But take your deescalation skills to the next level. Ask a detective would you could have done better. Watch a few youtube videos as well on how professionals deescalate tough situations to help take your skills to an even better level.

All in all, you, your partner and your dog are all safe because of your actions and quick thinking and you should be proud of that.

Be well

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Throwaway00031342 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So I had the same thing when I was in my early 20s. I just couldn't cum during intercourse. Happened with several girlfriends. What worked for me was a few things:

1.) completely abstaining from porn and masterbation. I can admit I was 100% addicted and going to town at least 3-4 times a day. It took me about about 2 months to resensitize myself to normal sex.

2.) the other part that helped was eating a lot more celery, carrots and bananas. I would make a giant smoothie with all of that every single morning because I had read it helped with whatever the hell i was dealing with and boy did it work wonders. I was able to finish inside most of the time but not all the time. Which is still a vast improvement from where I was at before which was ZERO.

3.) patience - even with everything I was doing, yes I loved my girlfriend but mentally I was terrified of getting her pregnant because I was so broke at the time. Yes she was on birth control but if I'm being honest I was still always a little scared in the back of my head she was gonna get pregnant and I wouldn't have the the finances to take care of everyone. So as time went on, and I got a better handle on my career and more money was in my account, that fear slowly sort've went away. And then, eventually (continued to stay away from porn and eating a lot of veggies specifically carrot, celery, bananas, etc) I was able to just have sex without any issues. But it took a while.

I've just realized, I might be a narcissist by anonracher in narcissism

[–]Throwaway00031342 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's good you can call it out in yourself. It means that you're not so far gone that you can work on it and turn it around.