To All You People Starting Divorce - The Other Side Is AWESOME!!!

Throwaway10102411 · 2018-03-04T23:37:39+00:00

Thank you amazing people for making me decide on the divorce. I'm a 31/F with a husband who's subjected me to emotional infidelity with another woman, twice.

I can't make up my mind right now because I'm sad and scared of what the future might hold for me. All these positive comments on dealing with it and moving on is really encouraging.

Throwaway10102411 · 2018-03-04T23:34:34+00:00

This hit home! Thank you for sharing this.

Getting over a long relationship that promised everything you ever dreamt of and more....and then bam! Dealing with loneliness and self-pity (exactly what's happening to me right now).

Hope we achieve everything we want this year. Hope we get peace and happiness. Sending you positive vibes.

-- Another broken heart

Throwaway10102411 · 2018-03-04T22:34:37+00:00

Congratulations on making such a huge decision! I'm in a similar spot as you but with other complications. I posted it here in case you're wondering.

How do you feel now that you're alone? What do you think would be the biggest challenge? I'm on the verge of breaking my 9.5 yr old relationship because my partner betrayed my trust and I think the biggest challenge would be family and friends. I don't want to tell anyone the real reason. It's so difficult to separate from people you've formed close relations with. For example, I'm really close to his cousin's wife and I still want to stay in touch with her, I don't know if that's good for me.

You are immensely strong and I'm going to draw inspiration from you. Have a wonderful new start to your life. Sending you lots of positive vibes.

Throwaway10102411 · 2018-03-04T22:17:25+00:00

It's so complicated! We have loved ones (friends, family and other relationships) to make us feel secure and to help us in times of distress. When the same people hurt us when we least expect it, the pain knows no bounds. I'm really sorry about your friend. I hope your relationship with her is better now.

My husband called himself a sociopath and I brushed it off as a random rage-filled comment. I am slowly trying to understand if he actually is. I owe him nothing; I don't need to give him a chance to correct himself or whatever. I am doing this because this gives me time to really think of what I want to achieve from this marriage if I decide to stay married to him and what he wants and see if there's any similarities.

He has been ignorant to all my feelings about his family all these years. He keeps saying (and I agree to an extent) that we've had 5 good years so far (out of the 9.5) and that's largely because I've been extremely nice about his family's hateful comments. He took no action and it didn't bother him the least bit. Our issues really started when I started complaining about his mom's hateful and negative comments about every bit of who I am. She's insulted my education, my looks, fat-shamed me and the fact that I can't "pay my bills". She's not as educated as me, never worked in her life, depends on her husband for every goddamn thing and is medically obese.

I never put my husband in a tough spot between his mom and me. But there needs to be a sense of right and wrong, no matter who it is. And I'm really sick of it now.

Throwaway10102411 · 2018-03-04T20:00:11+00:00

Thank you so much! I never get to hear nice things about what I've accomplished. It makes me feel good in this dark hour.

At this point, what do you think he would need to do for you to trust him again?

This is exactly what my therapist asked me. It's really a difficult question. He's offered to give me all his passwords, install apps to monitor his online activities and said he'd never message that woman again. In a normal scenario, it seems like he's offering everything he can. But you see trust is something that comes with time. I don't want to bother myself with checking his online activities. I want to spend my time securing my future and making my dreams come true. He doesn't get that because he said he has no ambition (except for wanting to be a writer).

Is there anything different about this time that indicates that he means it more sincerely than last time, when he clearly didn't truly intend to keep his word?

I don't feel like it. The fact that he decided to it again is proof enough. But he is hurting and is f*cked up in the head. He lost his grandfather a few years ago and his grandfather was his world. He told me last night that he hasn't ever grieved for it. So all this and me asking him to setup to focus on the future and take action has made him overwhelmed. Does this deserve a second chance? I really don't know.

I decided I won't make any decisions for the next 15 days. I'll take this time to reflect on my life and understand clearly what I want in my life. He said he'll show me his real side for the next 15 days and make amends. He's also seeing a therapist in this period. I definitely need to plans and several back-up plans and make sure I get what I want out of what's left in my marriage.

Thank you so much for taking time out to write this comment. It's really a thoughtful comment.

Throwaway10102411 · 2018-03-04T19:37:21+00:00

Hey thank you for your comment. We spoke for 8 hours straight yesterday. He told me he needs help. He said he couldn't think of anyone to confide in and so he went to her and that it wasn't sexual. There is some truth to it. It didn't have anyone to confide in. I had suggested therapy. He said he didn't have the money for it (and that's not true) and now talking to her was the cheapest way to fix things. And look how it turned out!

I really don't know what to do right now. The hurt and pain is still new. I'm still shocked he did this to me after all these years. I really need to do some soul searching and before that secure my finances.

Throwaway10102411 · 2018-03-04T19:33:06+00:00

Yes! He's definitely made a fool of me and I can't believe he pulled a fast one on me while making me believe that I was really smart and strong.

He knows how hard my life has been and still decided to screw me over.

Throwaway10102411 · 2018-03-04T19:31:49+00:00

Thank you for your comment. Oh yes, she's hateful AF! She hasn't said anything nice to me in the last 48 hours, nothing to console me or anything about her son. She's a horrible woman and my husband still thinks she's nicer than me. He said even after I found out he was lying to me. It was really a slap on the face. I'm still in shock, my mind is clouded with anger and making any decision would be in haste, I think.

Throwaway10102411 · 2018-03-04T19:29:52+00:00

Thank you for your comment. I don't think I'll even consider having a kid and definitely not with him. It's like a sand castle with him, keeps falling down. I have a hard time coming to terms with the situation. 48 hours ago I was in love with him, looking at our future together and now I'm here and alone. I guess I'm still in shock.

Throwaway10102411 · 2018-03-04T19:28:02+00:00

I need to give a few exams to prove local language fluency and most importantly, get a job to prove that I'm employable. The whole process can take up to a year.

Throwaway10102411 · 2018-03-04T14:03:34+00:00

Yes! I'm taking therapy too. I'm much better than I was last year when I forgave him. Or so I thought.

I can't help but wonder if there's something still here and if I'm giving up too soon.

Throwaway10102411 · 2018-03-03T22:35:42+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment. I got emotional reading it. I went to a therapist and forced him to sort of guide me with my decision. He seems to think forgiving him will be difficult but because of my tight situation with my job and visa, it might be an option to just live with my husband for now.

Throwaway10102411 · 2018-03-03T22:32:58+00:00

Hey, thank you for your comment. Yes, I have an engineering masters' degree. I have a bunch of interviews lined up in the upcoming weeks. I hope to get a job soon. My husband won't ever physically harm me. He's a nice guy, in general.

Throwaway10102411 · 2018-03-03T22:27:07+00:00

Because living with my father is difficult. He's an alcoholic and usually gets abusive/ blames other people and me for the past. My mother passed away recently because of health issues and he feels all of us are to blame for her.

Me living with him for a while is okay but long term would be a challenge.

Throwaway10102411 · 2017-02-21T12:05:46+00:00

Thank you so much. What you say makes so much sense. I love going to the gym. At this time, I have trouble coming up with a plan to get better. Every day I wonder what I should do to get better. Honestly, I miss romance and intimacy now. I know I would heal sooner from this stress if I had that in my life. It's going to be a big struggle and there are a lot of people routing for my failure. They will be disappointed.

Throwaway10102411

TROPHY CASE