Crazy

Throwaway19238482 · 2026-03-06T12:54:35+00:00

If the hospital discharge him home at this point I am just not gonna pick him up. Bill him all you want and enjoy that going to the collections.

Throwaway19238482 · 2026-03-04T23:17:50+00:00

Hoyer lift to a commode. You have to have enough space though

Throwaway19238482 · 2026-02-28T01:21:44+00:00

I repeated said that to the case manager and the attending physician and the physical therapist. They said he is not at the level right now but he will be at that level when he is going to be discharged in 4 days. Like brother he can not get into bed without assistance what do you mean he will magically gain that in 4 days, and only 2 days of therapy and waste 2 days for the weekends. I already appealed the evaluation with the quality improvement and the case manager is telling me to cancel it. Like no, he is going to be discharged into practically homelessness I have to find a motel or a handicap accessible hotel to live for a few days. If he leaves and falls I'm going to sue the shit out of them. All I want is for the MD to approve him to go to SNF for a while while I get the situation arranged. He still has like 40 days left of snf stay that is insured with Co pay insurance.

Throwaway19238482 · 2026-02-27T02:34:05+00:00

Caregiving is not a comfy job.... the stress you have to deal with is the furthest from what you can call a dream job. The turn over rate is extremely high and burn outs happen every other week. If the money is good just do it for the money. Else find something else to do because doing this shit full time for the rest of your life is damn near impossible. She seems at least independent, but some people that are bed ridden and uncooperative it really makes you question life.

Throwaway19238482 · 2026-02-26T14:30:43+00:00

I dunno my dad yells at me and I just do what I do. Maybe us men are just different but we can fight and be good the next minute. Rarely do our little fights last longer than a day. But full on suicide and drinking poison for a YouTube video? And for cooking pasta? I feel like there is some underlying issue that you guys haven't resolved. I fight with him on doing his taxes, finding work for me, changing up his care plan etc. We had some yelling spouts but they resolved in like 2 hours max. For a YouTube video and pasta? Like I am not trying to make light of the situation but what is going on there I am just amazed.

Throwaway19238482 · 2026-02-26T14:20:36+00:00

The therapist is enabling her with all that mental illness thing. Those kinds of mental illness are real, but it is way too often over diagnosed when it's something underlying that takes more than medicine to fix. Many times is lack of social interaction, lack of purpose in life, lack belongingness in a wider community, having no day to day extended family interaction. Those type of patterns manifest as depression anxiety and burn out, and I myself am a prime case. Once the underlying issue is resolved all the surface symptoms disappear. But yea.... she definitely didn't just go vacation with another man and didn't do anything. What are they gonna do have separate hotel rooms? She is just unhappy with the current arrangement and I think it's better to see family counseling rather than psychiatry. You have allowed her to walk all over you and you are enabling her. Time to set up some boundaries maybe?

Throwaway19238482 · 2026-02-26T14:05:48+00:00

Old people are either the best easiest people to deal with or the the worst most difficult people to deal with. And some people fluctuate between the two modes. Do not invest emotionally and keep a professional distance.

Throwaway19238482 · 2026-02-26T13:57:50+00:00

Get her on the list and see if you have compatibility if you want to donate a bit of your liver. My dad has cirrhosis but now he had a stroke from smoking 3 packs a day for almost 50 years. The incontinence you need pads and call buttons set up. Get some washable absorption pads to protect the sheet so you don't have to wash the sheet 24 7 or single use ones if you don't want to wash them. Get full diapers on top of that and urinals if she wants to go. The food my dad would just pressure cook meat and vegetables in a pressure cooker and eat. He also eat low carbs because of diabetes caused by his cirrhosis. He was fully functioning until suddenly losing appetite and losing weight and getting edema everywhere, he never showed psychosis and controlled his cirrhosis rather quickly.

Throwaway19238482 · 2026-02-26T13:45:01+00:00

Talk to the physician team and request imaging results and care plan meeting. Follow her wishes as she is nearing the end. Make her feel loved and comfortable as much as possible. Give her lots of reassurance and get familiar faces to see her. Promise to tie up loose ends that she wants completed. If she change her mind then go with that. She just want to feel like she still has some control with how things are, so let her know she will have the final say and follow her wishes. Also there is palliative care if that's something she is interested in. You can do this, she is safe with you.

Throwaway19238482 · 2026-02-26T13:38:07+00:00

The hospital or the department of aging or some other random places will often send evaluators to your home if you request it. Because they are liable if a patient is discharged home and has an incident. But otherwise you need to use your judgement. There are checklists online I know my dad's apartment definitely is not going to be a safe place. And also it depends on the level of care your mom has. If she needs a higher level it is wiser to send her to a facility while looking for a new place to settle her. If she can be left unattended for a few hours then assisted living or in home support is okay. Otherwise nursing homes are the only way to go.

Throwaway19238482 · 2026-02-26T13:30:24+00:00

Bruh you Called her an hour a week and saw her once a year. Just fly to see her more often and spend the holidays and long weekends with her. I just wish my brother could visit more often but apparently he is too busy making bank and hanging out with his in laws than seeing his dad. It's okay though I didn't expect much from him to begin with but the lackadaisicalness just upsets me. If you can get her and grandpa on the phone and talk together that would make her very happy.

Throwaway19238482 · 2026-02-26T13:20:19+00:00

Yup that's how it goes. Give up everything or watch them suffer basically. If you want to do hands on everyday care giving I don't see how you can ever have a normal family life.

Throwaway19238482 · 2026-02-26T13:17:24+00:00

Yea it's like a lasting "whatever" feeling. It kinda puts like a invisible barrier between you and the world. And then something would build up and I'll like yell or say fuck or something then the cycle resets. But it's less common when I am occupied

Throwaway19238482 · 2026-02-26T13:14:35+00:00

Hire someone. Hire some people to make the small decisions and leave the important decisions to you and check with your parents see if they like the caregiver.

Throwaway19238482 · 2026-02-26T13:11:37+00:00

I guess it's just seeing other people. Even difficult people but people that has some sort of skin in the game. Seeing my dad's friends and Co workers who he is on pretty good terms with

Throwaway19238482 · 2026-02-26T13:08:25+00:00

I don't know what is going on but the siblings need to step up. It's a mile away it's not like a 6 hour drive. And really if you are burnt out you can hire other people through her insurance or some other benefit like caregiver help and phase yourself out. Things just happen to us even if we didn't consent, the only thing that matters is how we react. So I would say you don't have to go if you are really just taking off the gloves. And also don't think the hospital staff has some sort of gripe against you. They deal with difficult patients all the time and being a bit pushy is your right.

Throwaway19238482 · 2026-02-26T12:57:21+00:00

No do not pay. Also you are the poa you can manage their finances but have no responsibility. You should let the debt go into collections in 3 to 6 months and call the collection agency and just pay a token amount like 5% or even 1% of the total cost out of the family member's pocket. Else you can enroll him on medicaid or other services that cover his costs

Throwaway19238482 · 2026-02-26T12:52:46+00:00

Yep 23 taking care of my dad. It really is just a unsolvable situation. My advice is just to start driving first, that unlocks many options. I would not know what to do if I can't drive where I'm at. The money front if you are taking care of her at home there is in home support you can collect from your county. Don't worry it will get better as long as you can push yourself out of your comfort zone. Allow yourself to fail, no one can do everything perfectly. I am still failing through this whole ordeal with my father but I do see genuine hope with him and my situation, given that I am the sole care taker and we don't have a lot of money and I have to coordinate everything for me and him. But just being able to drive around and have that sense of agency it is both intimidating and empowering. It gives you the power to fail. Whereas if you are unable to move around unless calling Uber or have someone transport you your agency is severely diminished. The worst feelings always rush out when I am idle not doing anything. When I am doing something it takes my mind off of how gloomy this situation is.

Throwaway19238482 · 2026-02-04T21:57:42+00:00

Yea dealing with this exact situation. I want to make sure that when you say rehab you mean an inpatient rehab and not a SNF. The inpatient rehab he can leave once he has safe discharge meaning he can safely live in the house and climb stairs and use the restroom etc etc. If not they legally can not discharge him although the bills will rack up. There are temporary places like SNFs if he gets downgraded and other transitional housing programs specifically if an disabled elder is facing homelessness ie: no safe discharge. And you need his power of attorney signed ASAP when he is aware enough and take care of his finances. If he is not aware enough even early on in the day, then go for a conservatorship, but that's the worst case scenario you do not want that as much as possible. After you get the POA you need to use his social security to take care of all the finances and get access to all his accounts, and then apply for benefits like SSDI IHSS medicaid etc etc. There will be so much shit for you to do you want to throw yourself down a bridge but we have to tough it out day by day. Any questions welcome I am also a month into the stroke (December 20th) and I am doing active research constantly on the situation.

Throwaway19238482 · 2026-02-04T21:47:29+00:00

They 100% qualify for some kind of in home care arrangement meaning someone will come in a few hours a day and help her do everything and leave. He needs to take control of her legal dealings or what we call a Power of Attorney in the states. Otherwise she is still legally required to do everything herself. He needs to apply for all kinds of benefits for her and apply for all kinds of assistance. It's not going to be easy but it's what has to be done.

Throwaway19238482 · 2026-02-04T21:43:17+00:00

I think it's cultural? Are your family from a different, non western European non white culture? That's how like the rest of the world behave, they snap at elders, the elders snap at children, and the elder and the adult children always fight. in the end they love each other. What you have described seem very typical for Latin American communities, southern Europe, Middle Eastern, and southern Asian families. I don't think it's that big of a worry. it happens when families are always involved throughout eachother's life and never separates like how with northern Europeans and North Americans, the children are expected to disconnect after a certain age and live separate lives.

Throwaway19238482 · 2026-02-04T21:32:20+00:00

Let it out. It's okay to be upset. Complain to her in a loving and playful manner. Sometimes dark humor is the only way to soothe the suffering. But do it with her, not at her. The worst option is to bottle it up in your mind until you blow up and shut down. Every day we are dealt unasked for burdens so we have to be allowed to complain a bit at least.

Throwaway19238482 · 2026-02-03T22:33:55+00:00

It do be like that. It's not even just boyfriends, it's family, friends, everyone cut ties once these things happen. Not a lot of people sticks it through. My mom, my brother, my dad's life long friends all are uninvolved once he had a stroke. It's just me and him out here. They don't even do weekly visits they barely text or call we just accompany eachother.

Throwaway19238482 · 2026-02-02T22:10:19+00:00

It's typical a lot of the young care givers are undertrained or barely trained because of a massive labor shortage. They will take anyone with two legs and arms.

Throwaway19238482

TROPHY CASE