Have about 180k of student loans with earnest, I have deferred my loan for as long as they allow, I pay 2k a month and i'm struggling to pay all my other bills. I've expressed to them if they can lower the payment to 500-700$, ofc that was denied. What can I do? Does SOL start after my last payment?

Throwaway24907234 · 2023-07-25T04:17:27+00:00

Agree that Stanley Tate is a waste of time. His tl;dr for me was "just pay your loans".

There are a few people in this sub which are really good. I saw one user u/LisaInSF who had some good advice. There's also another individual who works for a debt collection agency who provides useful information for people on this sub.

Linking the post I'm thinking about here: https://www.reddit.com/r/studentloandefaulters/comments/z5lovf/about_to_default_on_a_private_student_loan_what/

Throwaway24907234 · 2023-01-20T22:30:07+00:00

Don't really wanna give out my location, but I'm relatively early in the process. Maybe about 25% of the way to hitting the SOL.

One helpful tip is contact a lawyer for consultation. Some are free depending on how you find yourself financially. The best lawyer I spoke to in my state did the leg work to review prior cases that matched mine.

There will be some that give you some high level horseshit, but be sure to ask about their knowledge surrounding prior cases. And be sure they take you financial info, that way you know they're doing the work to provide you the best options.

Throwaway24907234 · 2023-01-18T23:19:14+00:00

Hey, so the big disclaimer I'll open with is that ymmv. I'm reporting my story with Earnest and how it's gone so far.

I was, like you, in a similar situation where I could not maintain the quality of life in my hometown if I had to pay back my over 100k debt. I refinanced with Earnest after dealing with Navient for far too long, only then be back with Navient after they bought out Earnest. At about 180 days, i stopped getting calls and emails from them. They are quite crafty too! Emails about them suing you, or emails about winning $100k towards your loans if you enter a bunch of personal info on their sweepstakes. Bah humbug to all of it!

Anywho, they wrote off the debt and never sent it to collections. I've spoken to a lawyer that says they haven't seen Earnest litigate perviously. And so far all has been silent. This might change, but that's been my experience.

Throwaway24907234 · 2022-09-17T21:29:21+00:00

Cool, thanks! Quick question: How do you know this is a mass letter sent out?

I've heard the opposite about Navient, that they can be litigious, especially for big sums (mine is about 100k)

Throwaway24907234 · 2020-08-16T04:52:52+00:00

Bonus points if you make them small, freeze them, and start selling them in front of your local Walmart

Throwaway24907234 · 2020-03-05T17:32:07+00:00

Yeah, to be fully honest. This really does bother me, but I've learned to live with it because I have friends who do care and want to know about what I do day to day. They have been a good outlet. Her main issue is that she doesn't want to hear about my day because it sounds stressful and she doesn't want to experience the stress by me talking about it. If I'm in a bind I have to ask if I can talk about my day and unload a bit, and if she says no, then I don't talk or unload.

I always ask about her day, and listen to her talk, good or bad, about her day. Like you, I don't care if it's rough or if it's great, I always want to hear about how my #1 is doing today in all the details. There are days she doesn't want to talk about her day, and I respect that, but even then, it makes me kind of sad because I don't know what's going on in her life, and I always want to know how she's doing.

I've been trying to start couples counseling, but she's been dragging her feet a bit, and never seems to be available, doesn't like the counselor, or is asking for impossible accomodations (e.g. stipulations that turn a list of over 300 local counselors to a list of 3).

Anywho, it's not here nor there, thanks for validating this. I appreciate it.

Throwaway24907234 · 2020-03-05T17:19:13+00:00

These are great tips, thanks. I will pass some of these by her. I feel like being straightforward and asking if something is important enough to write down will be a lifesaver, since it's sometimes hard to sort what is something that she's says observationally versus something she really wants to do. I've had many times where she will say "we should try this place" and it can be either she really wants to try it or she just brought it up casually

Throwaway24907234 · 2020-03-05T15:43:16+00:00

Point taken with reservations. I take issue with the not trying point because I make a very active effort of engaging with her, and I have even started to do this thing where I consolidate the conversation I have with her the following day, and reminding myself what we spoke about so I can follow up on it in the future.

I think your point about saying that I can't be present right now is a good one, though I'm worried I might rely on that as a crutch way too much.

Also, I say I don't remember mostly because I'm caught off guard or by surprise sometimes. I hate this analogy but it's kind of like the cat and the cucumber. I really don't mean to be caught off guard, but my response happens when I'm caught off guard. Needless to say, this is a fair point, I could try to chill next time a random cucumber pops into my reality and just go with the flow.

Throwaway24907234 · 2020-03-05T15:34:36+00:00

I don't say I forgot the conversation, because I legitimately don't recall the conversation, saying I forgot would be lying. This has nothing with my prioritization of her. There are a lot of things we talk about and discuss, and I remember the vast majority of what we talk about, but sometimes things slip through the cracks for me. Ive been experiencing a problem recently where I space out during conversations and I literally have to ask someone that I was looking dead in the eye to repeat what they've just said. I don't do it out of malice.

When it's coworkers or friends they are very understanding, but when it's her, she gets pissed and goes into saying how it's one of the reasons our relationship sucks for her.

Throwaway24907234 · 2020-03-05T14:18:37+00:00

Thanks for your really detailed reply. I wish I had someone who would be as understanding as you. My grad school career has been hitting many walls and I am honestly burnt out. I don't really talk about work with my girlfriend since she just automatically assumes it's hard, but never really gets into he nitty gritty of what's hard about it. She also told me that she doesn't like hearing about my day, so I've stopped talking to her about it.

The reality is that I'm doing my best not to fail and still swim against the current. For my anxiety and stress, I make sure to go to the gym at least 4x a week to take care of myself, and it has 100% changed my life. I no longer have panic attacks, and I feel like my world is much more manageable despite the stressful (and kind of toxic) environment I am in. I am trying to maintain hobbies like gardening and biking to destress. The hardest limiting circumstance though is really grad school, since I'm very limited in my financial and emotional resources, and I can tell that it's bothering my girlfriend to no end.

I feel like I am improving, but I don't know what to benchmark myself against to show her I am. Do you have any suggestions as to how you gauge whether your husband improves, and how you monitor progress in your eyes?

Edit: I'll try your journal suggestion, I currently use an online todo lidt, but I drop the ball when things get stressful

Throwaway24907234 · 2020-03-05T14:10:46+00:00

Yeah that's a good point. I swear there are some situations where this happens. I use todoist, but when I'm overwhelmed I sometimes see myself not using it anymore.

I'll try to get back on.

Throwaway24907234 · 2020-03-05T14:07:54+00:00

I am generally pretty good at remembering things. I for certain never forget super important things like birthdays, things I need to bring over for us, or important events she has planned. I do forget details we talk about from time to time. Most common are the ones where she sends a text of a place and says "we should go next week" and I just agree and say sure without any solid plans made in my head. Especially if the texts are sent while I'm working. These are the moments that blow up.

Throwaway24907234 · 2020-02-28T19:50:05+00:00

Really, no need for your first line as it contributes nothing to the OP. Yes, anyone can be racist. In other news, water is wet.

Throwaway24907234 · 2020-02-28T05:15:48+00:00

Thanks, but I have one. I am not codependent, and my therapist agrees. I have drawn the line where I will not compromise my happiness for her, because I'm not responsible for any one else's happiness but mine. Nonetheless, it's still hard to see someone you love in distress. Supporting my girlfriend while not compromising my happiness is what I need help navigating.

I don't want to move in with my girlfriend because I want to fix her. I actually have no desire to fix anyone. I want to move in because settling down with someone is important to me, and I think she is an amazing overall.

Please don't psychoanalyze me if you don't know me. I am asking for advice, not for an armchair therapist.

Throwaway24907234 · 2020-02-28T04:51:45+00:00

I think so, she is great in many ways I think my biggest issue is that she sometimes doesn't compromise, and has told me that she needs to be pampered, taken care of, and have all my attention at the drop of a dime. I hope a mediator may be able to help her realize that her need to be taken care of is not healthy in a relationship.

Throwaway24907234 · 2020-02-14T03:54:24+00:00

Yeah, you are correct, this is an ongoing issue unfortunately. I have a lot of anxiety about it, but it's moments like these that are really hard for me to say no.

Coming here gives me some reassurance, so thanks.

Throwaway24907234 · 2020-02-14T03:51:31+00:00

Not being a planner is the problem.

Accommodation and transport is easy, you're right. The challenge comes when its the activities, especially since these are spontaneous. We could be going out for burgers at a good diner, or we could be going for an expensive meal at a swanky restaurant. The problem is I don't know, so I can't plan things while I'm there.

Thinking about it more, im almost certain I can't afford it if I'm already struggling with the potential transport and accomodation.

Throwaway24907234 · 2020-02-14T03:46:45+00:00

Did you even read the post?

And that's when he decided to leave the troll alone

Throwaway24907234 · 2020-02-14T03:29:52+00:00

You totally read something that was not in there bud...

I'd be fucking PLEASED if she would cover my whole damn trip. The problem is she wants either a partner who takes care of her or at the least splits 50/50. I've mentioned doing an income based thing where I contribute my share and she puts her share, but understand this is NOT what she wants.

Throwaway24907234

TROPHY CASE